Adventures in the fabulous life of Lady Tee

I made a friend!

2008-08-18T17:42:00.001-07:00

I am supposed to be studying so I will have to make this quick...I just wanted to share:
Tonight I had dinner with Lisl. She is also from South Africa. She is gorgeous and funny too boot! Just thinking about her makes me laugh. Best of all she is a Christian.

As if that wasn't good enough the girl is also a expert bargain shopper. She was wearing these fabulous shoes that she paid SIX DOLLARS for. What more could you possibly ask for in a friend?!

I actually made two friends today...my new friend Joe surprised me by bringing dinner to the hospital. He knows that Masa does not let us stop for lunch during the day so by the time night fall comes I am ravenous. How nice was that?! As far as I am concerned if you bring me food that makes you a friend of mine...period.

God is good!

INTRODUCING....

2008-08-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

My brother's new blog:
It's called "Move on Up"

the link is:
http://onmyway21.blogspot.com/

It's quite interesting. He was born in Swaziland but moved to America at age 3. At the age of 21, due to circumstances totally out of his control, he was forced to return to his native land to reunite with a family who he had been out of touch with for 17 years. Read about his adventures. He is funny with a biting sense of humor.

Since I won't have time to blog too much I figured I could redirect you to another blog.

Coming soon: an anonymous blog about my adventures at my job...boy do I have stories to tell...

life since my last blog/ lonely but never alone

2008-08-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

Since I last wrote, I graduated from Haaaavaaad...yea me!
I move to the nation's capital
I am in the process of buying my first home
And have had a couple of other major life events (no i am not preggo or getting married)
Ironically, my life has slowed down a lot in many ways.
God is still good.

I had to re-read my blog "Jesus as the back up friend" the other day. Being in a city, without family or friends (at least of the variety that stay in the state) can be tough at times. I trust that even though I feel alone God is always with me.

Instead of having a pity party ie. "woe is me...i ain't got nobody" I can choose to be empowered. Knowing that God is there always provides some level of comfort but sometimes it is nice to have human contact. At times like these I remember two things:

1. There is always somebody out there who needs a friend more than you:
The best way to get a friend is to be a friend. Reach out to the widow from church, go to an nursing home befriend and learn from an old lady who experiences by far outnumber your years. Call up that person who is going through a hard time and let them know you care. Sometimes taking the focus off yourself and your own misery helps.

2. Reach out to people and don't be afraid of rejection (it is usually not personal)
There are always people around you (unless you are bedridden and live alone). If you meet someone who seems half way cool ask them for their phone number, ask them what they are doing this weekend. That is how I learned about some of my co-workers plans to go see exotic male dancers...I was so tempted to go. I mean if nudity was so wrong why didn't God create Adam and Even with clothes on? The idea of having a fuwiine man, shake his booty for me at my command, without the expectation of sex or a kiss...all for the price of a Starbuck's Caramel Macchiato sounds rather appealing to me...sigh. I opted not to go.

I am trying to stay holy y'all. I am trying...

I digress.

The point I am trying to make is that if you seek you will find. I asked my friend Damien and learned about a dinner get together that the Oral-Maxillofacial Surgeons were having on Friday night. I was tired so I decided to skip that too. Sometimes you will call people and they won't call back or will not be available-don't take it personally, it's not. When I moved here I only (thought I) knew three people: Deidra, Dan and Monnie. I called Dan but he was on some top secret FBI mission in some country somewhere like Iraq, Hong Kong, Liberia...sigh. I called Monnie, she was flying here and there working on her first Oscar nomination with some super director/actor in some city like Cannes, NYC, San Fran...sigh. I called Deidra initially she was in Paris. I tried her another week, she called back from Malawi...sigh.

Then I remembered my friend from college sweet Ashaki. The problem is Ashaki is a resident/fellow. Residents are pretty much the worst kind of friend to have because they work too dang much...sigh. When you are also a resident it takes almost an act of God to coordinate two resident schedules (I am not kidding)

Then I remembered I had me. I am a pretty cool person to hang out with. I love my own company. I never bore myself and I always know when to be quite. So during restaurant week I took myself out to the oh-so-chi-chi Vidalia restaurant and enjoyed a scrumptious five-course meal all by myself (I wish I had time to write a review). I also enjoyed brunch at my favorite brunch restaurant in the city, Kramer's Afterwords Cafe. I had a lump crabmeat breakfast quesadilla, home fries, fruit, muffins, fresh squeezed orange juice and a strawberry mimosa for $17. Can't beat it! I have also spent time at my favorite place in the city by the river where I can see the monument, the Thomas Jefferson center and the water--best of all its free. On a different night I downloaded a movie on the computer and watched it in bed. (Yes I sleep with my laptop...she is warm, bright and very smart). I supposed you could say I am dating myself (and having an affair with my laptop...hmm) LOL!

Eventually Dan came back from his top secret mission--we are still playing phone tag. Deidra is also in the city (for now). Hopefully Monnie will take some time off after her oscar win and we can catch up. I will continue to pray for a resident on resident meeting with Ashaki (miracles do happen).

I am also making new friends. Both last night and this morning I was able to talk to my roommate who I NEVER see for a few minutes. She is actually really nice. She has got lots of stories! As I hear her tell them I think back warmly to the days when I had multiple date options and suitors...there is something really nice about being wined, dined and appreciated...

However, I also have a deep appreciation for this dessert period in my life without a home, friends, time and most of the material possesions that I thought I needed so much (I never would have believed that it is possible to live life with only FOUR pairs of shoes--evidently it is...sigh.

I thank God for this period of simplicity, humility and stillness. I thank him for the opportunity to commune with Her without too many distractions. I thank him for the opportunity to get to know him better as my friend, confidant, source of strength, peace, provision and joy. God is good. I may never have this time again in my life. I am comforted by the fact that I know that my time in the wilderness is only for a season.

In the meantime, I plan on catching a movie with my new friend Lisl, sunbathing with Chyree at the pool and...going shoe shopping this weekend (I think DSW is having a sale!)

LOL!

Have a great weekend!

blast from the past: that's what friends are for

2008-04-23T02:09:00.000-07:00

Do you guys remember this song? This is one of my favorite songs! I dedicate this to all of my cyberspace and real-life friends, keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can count on me through good and bad times. I will be on your side forever more. I love you!

When love hurts part 4: Unrequited love

2008-04-22T03:19:00.000-07:00

Dear EA
Today my heart is heavy. While I realized that it could happen I hoped that it never would, things with us have changed. Your calls which started off as plentiful, sweet and full of love are now few, far between and cool. That loving, encouraging, funny EA of old is gone and I am mourning that loss. My heart is heavy. However, God is the ultimate healer of broken hearts. I cast all my cares on him for he cares for me.

You met me at a time when I was emotionally spent and you loved me. You loved me when I needed it the most and had nothing to give in return. I believe that now you are emotionally spent and have nothing left to give. I will not take your “abandonment” personally. I do however want to be there for you like how you were there for me. I imagine that what you need most right now is a good friend who will love you, support you, and encourage you unconditionally without any expectations. I want to be that friend to you. I really do. I just need to get over myself. As the Bible puts it “kill my flesh”

I pray to God to help me love you with his love which is perfect not with my love which is moody, fickle and often conditional. I feel like I have had this test before and failed it…God’s giving me another chance.

I am inspired by the men in my life who have loved me even when the love was unreturned. The Mario’s, Ron’s, Tyrone’s, and Turner’s of my life. Even when all hope was gone for an us, even when it took me months to return a phone call or e-mail they loved me. They taught me about the meaning of love. For that I will be forever grateful.

True love requires sacrifice. I desire to sacrifice myself for you. And if I get nothing from you in return I will still be grateful because you will have taught me how to love.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

To my earth angel*

2008-04-22T03:14:00.000-07:00

*Biblically there is no such thing as an earth angel but I just don't know how else to describe him...

Dear Mr. EA
I call you my angel of hope because you have made it possible for me to believe in the possibility of love. I know that the way I feel around you is the way I should feel. I feel like you get me. You understand my imperfections but do not hold them against me. You think I am great, all that and a bag of chips. That is how it should be.

At this point I have no idea what will become of us. I might leave San Diego and never see you again. You might fall in love with another girl next week. On the other hand we might fall in love, f___ like jackrabbits, have some cute babies and live happily ever after. All these things exist within the realm of possibilities. I welcome all of these possibilities because I am confident that in the end all things will work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose. One thing I do know for sure is that I will always be grateful to you for being my angel for these few days. Please know that I appreciate you.

I sent him a card that said the following (it's important to let people know you appreciate them):
I just wanted to express my gratitude to you for helping me believe again in the possibility of love. Irrespective of what happens after today, please know that I will always be grateful to you for being my angel for these few days. You are appreciated.

Rest assured that all things will work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose. Your best days are still to come.
1 Corinthians 2:9 says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" (NIV)

Keep believing, God is faithful.

Been so long

2008-04-22T03:04:00.000-07:00

I have been around the world and back again. This weekend will mark the eighth consecutive weekend that I have been away from home.
God has been so good to me, so good. In ways greater than I ever could imagine. He has showered me with blessings, shown me his favor and put some divine connections in my life.

Just last night a man I had never met before saw it fit to give me the best rack of lamb that I have ever had in my life before (for free)...and no it wasn't a date...and no he didn't ask for my number...and no I didn't even have to eat them in his presence. He gave them to me free and clear with no strings attached and boy were they good!!!

God is good. His word is true he gives us the desires of our heart often times when we least expect it! I am getting excited just thinking about it.

My life has been so fantastic since Mr J has been out of it. I got my hair did and a massage. I look good I feel good. I even got a prestigious national medical association (only by his grace)!

And I had the opportunity to apply for an internship to put on a health TV show that will help me reach millions of people with messages of hope. How cool would that be?! The verdict is out in May.

So that has been my life over the past few months. I have written a few things but have not posted too many.

I feel led to share today. Read on!

Be blessed.

When love hurts part 2: When loving means letting go

2008-03-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

Those of us with rescuer personalities always want to save people from themselves. Sometimes the only way we can truly help a person is by letting them go, refusing to enable their dysfunction.

When people are not loving us in the way that we need and deserve to be loved the only way to love ourselves is by letting go.

Don't ever let anyone make you feel that you are not good enough. If you need to be reminded of your TRUE identity (according to the most high God) please read my blog entitled "do you know who I am"

Because I love myself and I also love Mr. J I realized that the only solution was to let him go. We always make people better for the next woman. Hopefully in relationships we learn the lessons we need to and use them to make our next relationship even better. I do. I hope Mr J does too. I doubt it though, he is a little too high on himself to think that he might actually learn something from me...idiot

Anyhow the following is the letter that I wrote him to end our jacked up relationship:

Subject: You deserve to be, God wants you to be and I want you to be ridiculously happy

E-mail body:
To My Dearest Mr J,
Thank you so much for your time on the phone today. I think we started off pretty well...I am sorry about how it ended. I had really hoped that things would end with us on a better note. Oh well...

I think that you were right, relationships shouldn't be so stressful or difficult...especially in the beginning.
I think the reason why we were having so much difficulty is because we kept trying to force something that didn't fit. As much as you love me and as much as I love you and as much fun as we have when we are together, we don't fit. We look good in theory but in reality we don't work. At first I was in denial but then I had to face the truth. You deserve to be with someone who you are absolutely crazy about, who you think is the best thing since sliced bread. You deserve to be with someone who already has those qualities that are most important to you in a mate. You also deserve to be with someone who is equally as crazy about you. I am more than confident that you will find that woman and with her you will be ridiculously happy and feel fulfilled.

I deserve those things too. The truth is that you are a flawed but fantastic guy and am an imperfect but wonderful girl and we need to be with people who really appreciates us for who we are and aren't particularly bothered by our flaws. The reality is that my flaws bother you...a lot and your flaws bother me a lot. We are clearly not right for each other. We do not make each other happy. I think the hardest part is that we each see the other's potential and I think that we both understand that if circumstances were a little different we could be phenomenal together. I truly believe that we could potentially be phenomenal together but right now we are clearly not phenomenal. These hours we spend fighting on the phone are sooooo not phenomenal! (I know you agree with that! LOL!).

Being the hopeless romantic that I am I will hold on to the dream that maybe one day in another place at another time we will meet again and perhaps then I will be the woman that you really want and need and you will be that man for me. While I recognize that may never happen a girl can always dream...

I thank you for all the things you have taught me about life. I feel that in knowing you I have become a better person. I plan to continue to use those lessons that you have taught me to be the best me that I can be. I truly believe that God put you in my life for a season and a reason. I thank Him for you and I have no regrets.

One last thought, God loves us so much, so much. The bible tells us to delight ourselves in Him and He will give us the desires of our heart. In Matthew 7 he tells us to ask and we shall receive and then goes on to say that, "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?" God is fully capable of giving us exactly what we want. If you want a woman who doesn't come across to you or anyone else as arrogant or elitist, He will give you a woman who doesn't come across that way. She will be that way when you first meet her, you won't have to help her become that way. When the right one comes we won't have to feel like we are settling. We won't have to feel like we need to change him or her to tweak them into the right person for us, it will just be right and easy. It will just simply fit without a lot of effort. That is certainly not to say that person will be perfect but they will be perfect for us. God loves us enough to give us exactly what we want. Just like how God loves me soooooooo much to give me the exact type of tea that I want on a day that I was feeling blue (I think I told you that story). God knows that I love presents and despite all he has already done for me he saw it fit to miraculously deliver my favorite type of tea in the world, on a day that I really needed to feel his love. That is the kind of God he is!!! Thinking about that BLOWS ME AWAY--seriously. I mean the God that created the heavens and earth cares that much about me to care about the most mundane details of my life.

Certainly if he can find a way to bring the right tea to me from across the seas, he can certainly do that with a man (or a woman for you). I am sorry I think I am preaching to myself. LOL! (writing is very therapeutic for me)

I understand that right now we probably need time and space to heal. I know that you said that you have no desire to be friends with me but please know that you will always have a special place in my heart and will always be in my prayers. Should you ever change your mind and decide that you wouldn't mind being aquaintances or friends my door is always open. If in the future you happen to be in Boston or DC and want to get together for coffee or lunch just let me know.

I am sure you are probably tired of e-mails from me by now. Thank you for reading this one. I promise not to harrass you, don't worry.

I love you Mr J. I always will. I love you enough to want you to be ridiculously happy with the love of your life. I want you to be with someone who, as far as you are concerned makes you feel like the luckiest guy in the world, the luckiest. Sometimes loving someone enough means letting them go. In my heart of hearts I believe that as much as I hate to, I believe that I need to let you go. So go and be happy and please don't ever settle for second best.

Lady Tee

_________________________________________________________

The epilogue:
It turns out that Mr J is a total idiot and when things don't go his way he acts like a real jerk. He has made it abundantly clear that he does not know how to be a friend or show basic human decency towards me. Consequently, my offer for friendship has been rescinded. Frankly, I need friends like him about as much as I need bullet in my head.

quote of the day: paradoxes of love/ eeat love pray

2008-03-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

"Let it be sufficient to say that, on this night, he was still my lighthouse and my albatross in equaly measure."

A line from "Eat Love Pray" by Elizabeth Gilbert

Quote of the day: wisdom from Arnett

2008-03-14T04:24:00.000-07:00

"Tee...don't be so eager to pursue that which is pursuing you. You need to chill."

Arnett (a friend)

When love hurts part 3: Change what you are doing

2008-03-14T03:12:00.000-07:00

There is a whole genre of christian dating books. Their target audience is usually in their late teens, early twenties, white, living close to their families. Basically an audience that I can't relate to. "I kissed dating goodbye" is one of the books in this genre. The author is, of course, white. He married his God-sent, blond beauty by the age of twenty-five or so and basically can't relate to the experience of being a thirty-something, potentially threatening, black female in a society that is constantly throwing statistics at you about the scarcity of good black men. So I take what he says with a grain of salt.

I read "I kissed dating goodbye" many years ago. I can't remeber any details from the book. All I remember is: 1) feeling like I couldn't relate to the author; and 2) that the point of the book is that the author stopped dating and started courting with the purpose of marriage in mind...or something along those lines.

Lately, I have been really yearning to change Mr J. I wish, oh how I wish, I could make him love me...but as the old song says "...I can't make you love me if you don't..." lately I have been thinking about the whole idea of change and what motivates people to change. I decided that people only change at the point when it becomes too uncomfortable to keep the status quo. I think that is a point that is worth repeating: people only change at the point when it becomes too uncomfortable to keep the status quo

That being said, dating has become altogether too painful for me. They way I have been doing things 1. Is not working; 2. Is resulting in too much (unnecessary) pain. It is time for a change. My dating life must evolve. When I was young(er) my dating life revolved around finding Mr. Right Now. He didn't have to be husband or father material as long as we had fun together and he treated me well. Then I got a little older and people around me started getting married and I decided to make my dating more purposeful, the search for Mr Right Forever was on. I started analyzing credit reports, perspectives on child rearing, marriage philosophies, spiritual convictions--the kind of stuff that is important if you are planning on living happily ever after. However, this strategy has resulted in quite a bit of pain. Now I am ready to move on to the next phase.

This next phase I will call, "Kissing dating goodbye/ Letting go and letting God." I believe in friendship and I certainly believe in marriage but I think I have lost my faith in dating. I think it is time to cut the middle man out. With all the intelligence that I have I tried to strategically create a scenario that would inevitably lead to happily ever after but it failed miserably. I found a man with all the things on my proverbial list:
God loving
A gentleman
Tall
Dark
Handsome
Loves kids
Wants to be married
Loves his mama
Good credit
Good job
In shape
So many interests in common
Supportive of my career
Sends flowers
Calls regularly
Awesome family
Never married
No kids
Well educated
...the list goes on...

Paradoxically, despite the fact that he was all those things and overall a wonderful person the relationship was still pretty much a disaster. Well dang!!! With all of my intellectual abilities I certainly thought that this would be a match made in heaven. I was wrong. I now realize where I went wrong. I relied on my own intelligence and not on God. In my eagerness to find Mr. Right I did not stop to consult God, I charged fully ahead...to meet a disastrous end. Even now as I am stranded in Houston as a direct result of this debaucle of a relationship that I have gotten myself into, I am mad at myself for not waiting on the Lord. Hindsight is always 20/20 and thank goodness we serve a merciful God who is merciful despite ourselves.

The bible says:
Isaiah 55:8-9
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Proverbs 3:5
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

1 Corithians 2:9
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him

Ephesians 3:20
20Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

Psalm 37:4
4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

This leads me to a few conclusions. It has taken me a while to recognize this...hold your breath this is going to be deep (sigh):

1. God is smarter than me
2. God's ways are better than my ways
3.God, the creator of the universe, might actually be better than me at identifying the perfect mate for me.
4. Only he can give me more than I ever thought or imagined. He can give me things that I want that I never even realized I wanted (that's deep)
5. If I am patient and I trust him, he will give me the desires of my heart

Why has it taken so long for me to come to this realization?!!! I guess there is no point in asking why, it is better to thank God for having the realization at all. From this day on I am believing in God for my husband, a God-fearing man of faith, who loves me with all his heart mind and soul who loves me as Christ loves the church. That is the kind of husband God wants me to have (ephesians 5:25-7). To settle for anything else would be settling for less than God's best.

When this man comes into my life God will let me know that he is "the one." God will also let the guy know that "I am the one." I will not be so eager to jump into a relationship. I will be patient. I will use self-restraint. I will wait on God to tell me to move forward. I will pray about the relationship...and actually be willing to listen to what God says.

On this day, March 14 2008, I too am kissing dating goodbye. I am letting go and letting God. I am abandoning my search for Mr Right and waiting on Mr. God Sent. I am learning to be patient.

When love hurts (the series) part one. Close to the edge

2008-03-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen that part in the movie when the girl (or guy) is standing around minding their own business and all of a sudden the hero tackles them to the ground or pushes them out of harms way? The unsuspecting loved one initially has no idea what hit them. Their first instinct is to say to the hero, "what the heck did you do that for? That hurt." Then they realize that by pushing them down or out of the way the hero was able to remove them from harms way. It could have been a moving bus, a bullet, a bomb or something that the unsuspecting loved one couldn't see but the hero could. That scene is played out all the time in movies.

Recently I have been blindly walking towards the edge of a cliff with a really precipitous fall. For some reason my blinders were on in full force. All I could see was the pretty blue sky, the sun shining, the birds chirping not realizing that all the while I was about to fall off this cliff. A friend who loves me dearly tried to tell me gently that I was about to walk off a cliff but I could not hear her. So she started to talk even louder to the point where she had to basically whack me back into reality. I will tell you that the whack hurt. I even became angry at the friend. I mean here I was trying to enjoy my walk on what seemed to be a beautiful day and she wanted to rain on my parade and I was angry at her for that. Then one day God removed the blinders from my eyes and I was finally able to see the cliff and it was really really really deep. The consequences of falling of would have permanently and deeply damaging. It was only at that point that I was able to appreciate what my friend had done for me. If she had continued to be gentle, delicate and soft spoken I probably would have missed the message but it was only because she whacked me back into reality and started to talk really loud that I started to pay attention. I am glad I did.

The moral of this story is never be afraid of telling someone the truth in love. Sometimes the truth hurts and sometimes people are not ready to hear it but if you really care about someone and you see them walking off a cliff you are doing them a disservice by not saying anything to them. Love is patient. Be patient with your loved ones and allow them the space to come to their own realizations. However, if you see them quickly approaching a cliff know that you might have to whack some sense into them.

If you are the person who someone is trying to talk some sense into--listen. If you know that that person loves you, has your best interests at heart, and knows what they are talking about (that part is important--don't suffer fools) then listen. Consider for a second that maybe that person does know what they are talking about. Listen.

To the person who I am referring to in this post (you know who you are) thank you. Thank you for loving me enough to not let me self-destruct. Thank you for loving me enough to tell me the truth even though it hurt and even though I really wasn't trying to hear it. Thank you. I appreciate you and I thank God for putting you in my life.

Unapologetic: Can I be me?

2008-02-11T02:02:00.000-08:00

“You walk around here like you are some kind of princess or something, like your sh*t don’t stink.”
-Words expressed during an argument circa 2000 by my now good friend Kelly J

Mr J and I had a heated discussion last night. For some reason he decided to tell me about what he thought some of my flaws were. One of the things he said was that I thought I was better than everyone else and that made people around me feel uncomfortable. In a previous conversation he shared with me that I talked “like a white girl” (whatever the heck that means?!) and that made people feel uncomfortable. He said that to some people the way I speak might make them think that I think I am better than they are. He even suggested that I modified the way I speak so that people would feel more comfortable around me.

Obviously, he is not the first person to tell me that I can sometimes give off an air of superiority. In the past I have had to ask myself why?
The truth is that I know that my naturally reserved and introverted nature is often misinterpreted as standoffish, cold and arrogant. I have had to learn to go outside of my natural comfort zone to make the (new) people around me feel warm and fuzzy. I will admit that there are times when frankly I can’t be bothered and I don’t particularly feel like extending myself and I am willing to be misunderstood.

The truth is that I never have felt that I was better than anyone else or for that matter that anyone else was better than me. I am just as friendly to the security guards at school as I am to the Deans. I have friends who are poor, rich, educated, not educated, straight, gay, black, white, brown, Christian, Atheist, Muslim, Hindu, Agnostic, Bahai. I believe that everyone provides a valuable and important perspective on life. I can learn something from every person on this earth. Furthermore, it is only by the grace of God that I am not homeless, on drugs, or otherwise afflicted.

I am blessed, richly and abundantly blessed. Is it ok for me to say that?
The Lord is my Shepard, I want for nothing. Is that ok? I am intelligent, I am no Einstein but I am smarter than the average bear. Is that ok? I dress well and I like high heels. I don’t have a bunch of designer duds nor am I very trendy but I sure do know how to walk into a Salvation Army and make a $10 outfit look like a million bucks. Am I allowed to say that? I did not grow up in this country and I do not talk like the black (or white) people that did. On most days I attempt to use proper grammar and have noun-verb agreement. Am I wrong for that? I carry myself with confidence. I don’t walk around with my head bowed down. My life and my profession of choice demand it from me. Is that ok? Oh yeah…and I am pretty, not a supermodel by any means but easy enough on the eyes. Am I allowed to think that? One last thing, I go to Harvard. I don’t particularly feel like that is a big deal but from my experience some people do.

I don’t brag nor am I arrogant. I usually surround myself with such brilliant and accomplished people that on most days I don’t particularly feel very brilliant or accomplished. When I first meet people I generally don’t like to tell them that I am a doctor or that I go to Harvard because I have found that people make assumptions about me based on these facts, besides it is usually not relevant to the conversation. I recognize that the very act of me being me can make others feel uncomfortable. However, if the fact that I am an articulate, pretty, well dressed, intelligent, confident young woman, makes others feel uncomfortable is that their problem or is it mine?

Mr. J feels like I should change the way I talk to make others feel more comfortable, change my diction, cadences, throw in a few slang words. I have a one word response, “WHATEVER!” (to quote the valley girls) or perhaps I should say, “Why the f^&* are you trippin’?! You’d best to back up off me partner!” LOL…sigh!

I do not apologize for the way I speak
I do not apologize for the clothes I wear
I do not apologize for not being dumb or fat or ugly
I do not apologize for being an imperfect Christian
I do not apologize for the school I attend or my profession of choice
I do not apologize for believing that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I don’t think I am better than anyone else but I do recognize that God has blessed me richly and I am sick and tired of people trying to make me feel bad about me being me. I know who I am in Christ. I know what the bible says about me and I am not the least bit apologetic. I also recognize that I have issues that I am working on (have you read this blog?!) but I am pretty unapologetic about that too.

Life is funny because the very thing that is required of us in one area is used against us in another area. I get criticized for being confident but I cannot think of one instance when a patient has appreciated a lack of confidence from their surgeon. One thing I learned very quickly in medical school is that patients don’t like to know when I have no idea what I am doing and that I too get nervous and scared. We learn how to do procedures on patients. Generally speaking people get nervous when they find out that this is the first time I have done the procedure they are about to undergo and understandably so. It becomes my job to drum up enough confidence in myself to reassure them and engender their trust. There are too many examples of how confidence is important in medicine and yet I feel that in other areas of life I am criticized for not walking around with my head bowed low…sigh.

“…Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

The palm of my hand,

The need for my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.”

Is it ok for me to quote Maya Angelou? Is it ok for me to be me?
What do you say?

I triple heart Jetblue

2008-02-01T13:31:00.000-08:00

I think I am going to try to get a job with Jetblue airways as their newest spokesperson...

If Jetblue was a man, I'd marry him and have his children.
Jetblue is to airlines what Denzel is to men..
If all airlines were like Jetblue, the world would be a better place.

You guys already know how excited I was about my first experience with Jetblue (read "I heart jetblue")

What has gotten me so hyped about JB, you ask?

I just found out that they started a direct line from Boston to Jacksonville. The trip now only takes 3 hours whereas before it would take 7 hours with connection. What is even better flights start at $79.

Why do I care about Jacksonville?
That is where Mr. J lives...

I am happy

Insecurity and Foolishness: I got issues (but that is ok)

2008-01-29T01:08:00.000-08:00

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” Abraham Lincoln

I am back from India and jetlagged. That is why I am blogging at 4am in the morning. I keep thinking back to a couple of days ago when I acted foolishly. The funny thing is that I didn’t think that I was acting foolish. I thought that by being silent I wasn’t saying a word. Unfortunately my face always betrays me and I forgot to take into account that about 70% of communication is non-verbal. Even though I didn’t say a word, a message was conveyed loud and clear.

So Mr J surprised me and met me at the airport when I arrived in Boston. I was so happy to see him! Not knowing that he was coming I had already asked my girlfriend Jackie to give me a ride home from the airport. She was gracious and kind enough to get her butt out of bed on a Saturday morning to pick us up. As a way of showing our appreciation Mr. J invited her to join us for lunch. I was a bit disappointed because I had not seen or talked to him for a whole month and I really wanted to catch up with him. However, it was the right thing to do so I squelched my disappointment (or at least I thought I did) and tried to go with the flow. Unfortunately my face never lies and according to Mr J my discontent was pretty obvious.

At the restaurant things only got worse for me. Have you ever been out with two friends who have known each other since childhood? They start talking about people you have never met and places you have never been and you really can’t relate. Well Mr J and Jackie are both avid sports fans and golfers, subjects I know zilch about. They started talking about golf courses they had been to and different sports players. I felt left out of the conversation. I knew it wasn’t deliberate so I made some feeble attempts to include myself in the conversation. In the meantime the crazy insecurity voices in my head started: Wow. They are really getting along well. Maybe Mr J would rather be with someone like Jackie. She is gorgeous, smart, likes football and golf. I think he might like her more than me. The reality is that they were having a perfectly innocent conversation and I should have been glad that he was making an effort to relate to my friend. The sad thing is that while these thoughts were going through my mind I recognized that they were totally irrational but I could not stop thinking them! While I did not say a word my face said it all. Later on Mr J tried to ask me what was wrong. He is a little bit too good at noticing my mood swings. I tried to blame it on jetlag. He did not really buy it but he let it go. There was no way I could tell him that the truth was I had issues that I need to work on. So I said nothing. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

At some point in time we all have to confront our demons. There are times that we feel like we have conquered our demons but then there are times when they come back and bite is in the butt. For the record let me say:
I HAVE ISSUES (simply said I am a bit crazy)
One of my issues is that I am a perfectionist. I feel like I have to do everything perfectly or I won’t be loved (it sounds crazy when I write it down but I already said I was crazy). This applies to all aspects of life. I am really really hard on myself when I make a mistake. For some reason I don’t always give myself permission to be human. These feelings result in two things: 1) Other people are hard on me (people will always reflect what you project); 2) I am hard on others (although never as hard as I am on myself) and my expectations for those closest to me are sky high.

The problem is that when I focus on mistakes I rob myself of the opportunity to celebrate accomplishments. I distinctly remember not too long ago taking a test. I got all but one question right, a 98%. All I could focus on was that one question that I got wrong and how I should have known the answer and had it not been for my stupidity I could have had a perfect score. Have you ever written down your crazy thoughts and thought “wow that sounds a whole lot crazier on paper”? The reality of the situation was that: 1) 98% was an excellent grade; 2) Getting 100% would not have changed anything. I was still going to get the same grade in the class; 3) Ultimately my grades (as long as I passed) do not matter that much in the greater scheme of things. When was the last time you asked your doctor what grade they got in epidemiology?

I must admit that I have gotten better over the years. I am more accepting of my mistakes than I have been before. Am I where I need to be? No but I am heading in the right direction and I celebrate that. I affirm me. Despite my apparent craziness the Bible tells me that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalms 139:14). It says that he that has begun a good work in me will carry it on unto completion until the day of Christ (Phillipians 1:6). He knew me [and all of my psychoses] before He formed me in my mother’s womb and set me apart (Jeremiah 1:5).

It is good to have a God that unconditionally loves and accepts us despite our many many flaws. There is nothing we can ever do to deserve the love of God. All we can do is show him that we love Him. Most of our relationships in life are based on our performance: show up late enough times to work and you will be looking for another employer, be verbally abusive to your partner and you will be single soon enough. God’s love is the one thing that is constant, all other ground is sinking sand. Despite ourselves nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:35). That is powerful.

Once I can learn to internalize these truths and really have them permeate my spirit I know that through Him I can conquer my fears and insecurities which are rooted in a fear of abandonment and rejection.

I am grateful to God for creating situations that force me to recognize my dependence on Him. My struggles and trials draw me closer to Him, to a place of rest, peace, joy, love. What could be better?

One last thing, I am scheduling an appointment with my therapist. LOL!

MOVING TO A NEW LOCATION

2008-01-02T09:07:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL!!!
WHILE I AM IN INDIA I WILL BE BLOGGING FROM MY NEW BLOG PAGE:
http://teeinindia.blogspot.com/
COME AND VISIT, READ ABOUT MY ADVENTURES, AND DROP A NOTE TO LET ME KNOW YOU STOPPED BY!

I have plenty of non-india stories to tell. I will update you on this site if I get a chance

quote of the day: kissing

2007-12-17T13:55:00.000-08:00

Song of Songs 1:2
2 Kiss me and kiss me again,
for your love is sweeter than wine.

Welcome to the Tundra!

2007-12-17T13:44:00.000-08:00

It is ONE DEGREE (with wind chill factor). I repeat. One degree.
There is ice and snow everywhere.
I am scared to go home because that involves going outside...

I am through with this god forsaken city.
Through.
Let the countdown to india begin.

In 14 days I will be chillin' on the beach drinking mango lassis munching on samosa, trying not to get travelers diarrhea

better yet

In 48 hours I will be on my way to Jacksonville to see Mr. J!
I can't wait!

word of the day

2007-12-16T14:30:00.000-08:00

Today's vocab word is:

psycholagny

(look it up)

All I want to know is, how can I be down?!

quote of the day: wonderfully made

2007-12-16T14:16:00.001-08:00

Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

quote of the day: finals humor

2007-12-14T10:26:00.000-08:00

"Life is funny...but not in a 'ha ha' kind of way."
Cathy

(you had to be there)

Out of the office

2007-12-13T04:56:00.000-08:00

I have got to suspend my blogland activities until finals have blown over.
For the next week or so my blogs will be mostly "quotes of the day" usually
from the bible.
There is nothing like finals to bring you closer to the lord! LOL!
Say a prayer for me.

quote of the day: joy

2007-12-13T04:51:00.000-08:00

Psalm 16:11 (Amplified Bible)

11You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore

quote of the day: be still

2007-12-12T04:39:00.000-08:00

"be still and know that I am God."
psalm 46:10

Beer budget champagne taste: Sushi galore

2007-12-10T04:14:00.000-08:00

I love sushi. It is healthy. You can eat a lot and not feel guilty and it’s perfect for a light meal.
Quick test: What is a BBCT girl’s favorite word?
Answer: If you said “sale” then you get a gold star!

So when I walked by the restaurant “Zen 320” in Brookline and saw the sign that said “half price on all sushi,” I had to explore further.

So I walk in at around 1:30 on a Saturday afternoon but the place is totally empty…never a good sign. I found out that the half price sushi was not just a one day special but good for all day, everyday…that is what I am talking about! The place did not smell fishy at all (always a bad sign for a sushi restaurant) so I decided to proceed.

I ordered two 6-piece maki rolls. One was called a “New York Roll” with salmon, apple and avocado. The second, I forget what it was called, had whitefish, tuna and seaweed. My bill came to $7!! In Boston the bill never comes to $7 it is usually more. I was delighted! The sushi was not the best sushi I have ever had but it was fresh and certainly acceptable. The service was fine. I will be going back. As a matter of fact I did go back the next day with S after the nutcracker!

Maybe Christmas is not sooooooo bad

2007-12-10T04:00:00.000-08:00

Last night I took a break from studying for finals to go see the Boston Ballet’s Nutcracker.
It was sooo good! There were Christmas trees, snow and presents. It was all very Christmasy. Those ballerinas were awesome…their grace, their strength, their bodies were amazing! The little kids in the performance were so cute! The one thing I did notice was the absence of anyone with any color in their skin. Where were all the Black and Indian dancers? Come on Boston Ballet!

All the women in attendance, myself included, decided that their unborn daughters were going to take ballet lessons like it or not. I pity our children!
I am actually contemplating taking adult ballet lessons at the Cambridge Dance Studio next semester. We shall see…

Have you done anything Christmasy this year? Any parties? Caroling? Tree decorating parties?
Do share so I can live vicariously! LOL!

Fulfilling a Heinous Murderer's Last Wish

2007-12-06T18:02:00.000-08:00

So I am exhausted right now so I don't know if this will be coherent but I have something important to say so I will try...bear with me.

Today is the anniversary of the Montreal Massacre (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%89cole_Polytechnique_massacre). I attended a Women in Leadership meeting at my school and one of my Canadian classmates and fabulous friends, S, talked to us about what happened on that dreadful day in 1989. To remember the 14 women killed she read their names (with a perfect french accent might I add). We then had a moment of silence for the victims. It was a powerful moment.

When you think about all of the heinous mass murders that have been committed over the few years I bet you can name some of the killers. How many of the victims can you name? How many stories of unfulfilled potential, childless mothers, mother less children as a result of these tragedies can you remember? I am willing to bet not many.

Many of these loony toony crazies that commit these types of horrible crimes do so in an attempt to get their 15 seconds of fame,d ead or alive. They leave videos, letters and other things behind hoping that they will be all over the news and what do we do as a society, as the media? We fulfill their dying wish. In Canada the major television stations made a decision to not put the perpetrators face on the air and to not mention his name. Wow. That is pretty deep. What would it mean if Jeffrey Dahmer died a nobody in a world where no one knew his name rather than have him live on in infamy forever? Did you ever think about that?

No I am not one for whining and complaining with no plan for action. The women in our group have all made a commitment to write to CNN asking them to stop broadcasting the name and face of the latest loony toon who killed 9 people in Omaha and messed up a whole bunch of people's holiday season.

Rather than look at loony toon's ugly grill let's use this time to remember:

Gary Scharf, 48, customer
John McDonald, 65, customer
Angie Shuster, 36, employee
Maggie Webb, 24, employee
Janet Jorgensen, 66, employee
Diane Trent, 53, employee
Gary Joy, 56, employee
Beverly Flynn, 47, employee

They were someone's mother, auntie, sister, daughter, brother, uncle, dad, son, friend, loved one.

I urge you to join us by taking 60 seconds out of your day to write CNN to ask them to stop publishing pictures and videos of the loony toon who committed this heinous crime. Let's not give him his last wish.

To read the story:
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/news/omaha.mall.shooting

To send something to CNN asking them to stop publishing his name and picture:
http://www.cnn.com/feedback/forms/form1.html?39

With enough voices we can be heard.
Please let me know if you decide to send feedback to CNN so I can feel like my efforts are not in vain. To quote our hot governor, "together we can" LOL!

what could be better?

2007-12-05T23:02:00.000-08:00

What could be better at the end of a cold dreary day, after staying in the computer lab until 2am, trying to figure out some gosh-darn SASS programming (why in the world do people choose to do programing for a living?! For me it is the equivalent of choosing to pull your nails out for a living!) than to come home to find these on your doorstep? The card attached says, "Hope these bring some sunshine and warmth to my baby in Boston. Miss you so much!"

The man is doing good!

I can't wait for the lilies to open. I love lilies!

Oh wait I know the answer to my question: Having the actual man there in person could be better...sigh. In the meantime I will settle for flowers

I guess this means I should probably get him a Christmas present huh? Anyone have any ideas (keep in mind the beer budget)?

He likes

golf

running, biking, swimming

reading

working

He loves the washington redskins

I can't sew or knit.

I guess I could bake some cookies and send them just because....

Suggestions are appreciated!

Dear God

2007-12-04T06:11:00.000-08:00

Dear God,
Please send some heat, sun...global warming...something to Boston.
It is 20 degrees with a wind chill factor of 7 degrees.
It is cold. There is snow everywhere.
I can't hang.
Please help

Thank you,
-Your beloved child

A funny moment: the consumption

2007-12-04T06:05:00.000-08:00

So you guys know that I have had a cold recently. (umm none of y'all sent me any tips on how to cure it...)
Nevertheless, I feel much better but I still have a pretty nasty sounding cough.
Why did my friend R say that it sounded like I had "the consumption"? LOL!
She is sooooooooo stoooopit!!!
Who uses that word?!!! The consumption.
BWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

quote of the day: monster tattoo

2007-12-04T05:59:00.000-08:00

"I was going to get a tattoo of Animal, from the muppets, on my groin...until someone told me it was a sensitive area."
-S during a conversation about tattoos (after a few beers)

ARRRUUUU?!
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! LOL!

The Holiday Getback: it's not just for guys anymore

2007-12-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

Definition. Frenemy or Frienemy:

Frenemy can refer to either an enemy disguised as a friend or to a partner that is simultaneously a competitor.
-Wilkipedia

In a comment to a recent blog Sugar introduced me to the term, "The Holiday Getback" a phenomenon that describes the behavior of men who will come out of the woodworks around holiday time because they are lonely. Evidently this "disease" affects women too!

I used to be friends with this girl named Lee. Or at least I thought we were friends, turns out we were actually frenemies. We used to spend hours talking on the phone, almost on a daily basis. When my grandmama died she was there to comfort me. After all, we were friends. Needless to say I was absolutely devastated when she ended up causing a major mess in my relationship with my ex. Alas, we were friends so I forgave her. That is when I first realized that a part of her enjoyed seeing me suffer. That particular incident made me question if she was really my friend. A few months later she made this huge deal over a small misunderstanding that occurred with our parents (our parents, not us) she basically cut me off cold turkey. She stopped taking my calls. She pretty much acted like I didn't exist. I was so hurt, worse than the hurt I have felt when I have broken up with boyfriends. We had been sister friends. So what did I do? I shed a tear and then I got over it, sooo over it.

I have spoken to her a few times since then. I am always cordial. Today she called me with some important immigration information news. I appreciate the heads up, I really do. After sharing this information with me she started making small talk... She wanted to know why my ex and I broke up (probably so she could gloat), she started telling me about her man...blah blah blah. The truth is that I really didn't care. As she was talking I was thinking about the 1001 other things I needed to do. I got off the phone as soon as I could.

If I was a mean spirited person this is what I would have said to her:

I don't hate you
but I don't like you either.
I have no desire to talk to you
I probably never will
I don't need any frenemies in my life
There is no point in me sitting here and
feigning interest in anything that you have to say.
I wish that life brings you the best that it has to offer (peace, joy, happiness, fulfillment)
Most of all
I wish you enlightenment
God bless

Have you ever had a frenemy?

I am thankful for: the guys that love me

2007-12-02T16:39:00.000-08:00

I have decided that each week I will write about at least one thing I am thankful for. That way when I am feeling blue I can look back on my list of things and smile.

Today I am thankful for my guy friends. I think that every girl should have at least one or two guys who she can call who will undoubtedly have her best interest at heart. Having wise platonic guy friends is invaluable. Today I went to church with my friends George and Phillip. We were able to talk about stuff, all kinds of stuff, with such refreshing honesty and candor. Phillip helps me to believe in love and reminds me that there are good guys out there. George always adds insightful comments to each conversation.

I came home and spoke to my old friend Kenny...love that guy. He is the guy that makes you feel beautiful no matter how crappy you are feeling or looking on any given day. Every girl needs one of those kind of friends in her life. We met in the summer of 1998, we have been through two wives and countless numbers of boyfriends, and a crapload of other junk together. We have fought like cats and dogs over the silliest things but we have remained friends through it all. I can't wait until he and his wife have a baby because he will make an AWESOME dad! I digress.

I called Kenny to get some advice about Mr. J, from a guy's perspective. He has the amazing ability to get my head out of the clouds without making me feel stupid or completely pessimistic. In other words he keeps it real with me because he loves and cares for me. He wants what is best for me. I know this. It is so good to know that there are guys who I can talk to without having to question their motives. How great is that?!

Since I probably don't say it enough:
TJ
Kenny
Frank
Ronald
Doug
Derek
Bernie
Larry
Phillip
George

I appreciate you. Thanks for being my friends. I don't want to think about what life would have been like without you.

love,

me

Do you have any great guys friends that you want to shout out?

Beer budget champagne taste: The boots

2007-12-01T13:15:00.000-08:00

There is one word that always makes a Beer Budget Champagne Taste (BBCT) girl happy…SALE! Hellooooo! One of the things I have noticed about this god forsaken city is that nothing really goes on sale, at least not like it did down south. I can’t tell you how many items of nice clothing I bought for $5, $10, $20, $30 when I lived in the south. I would buy $500 Ann Taylor suits for $70.... now that is what I call a sale! I am sad to say that gone are those days. In Boston stuff will be on clearance but it still costs $160…sigh.

That being said I cannot tell you how delighted I was to find my dark red patent leather boots on sale from $170 to $50! I was holding out for a lower price but after seeing the umpteenth pair of pleather boots on sale for $70 to $80 I finally gave in! Aren’t they hot?!

I am soooo excited about my new addition to my shoe collection! And they go great with my new wrap around black dress! Watch out Mr J!

Fitness diaries: barriers to excercise and the new challenge

2007-12-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

I haven't done an installation in my fitness diaries series recently. Why? Cuz I haven't been excercising. Bad me...I know. Tsk tsk.

My brilliant resurrection of my running career was cut short by this friggin' cold place. Lady tee does a lot of things but Lady tee does not do cold. The temperature is supposed to be 15 degrees today. Do you think there is even the smallest chance that I am going out for a jog?! Y'all are smart, I will let you figure out the answer to that one.

Hypothetically, let's say the weather was great today, do you think I would be going out for a jog? Umm...unfortunately no. What is the problem this time? What had happened wuz that I got my hair did a few days ago and by did I mean pressed. I actually forgot that I had hair. William, my hair dresser did a great job. My hair is soft, touchable, shiny...anyhow. Right now any type of moisture (sweat,rain, water, steam) is the enemy of my hair and until I decide to go back to my "alternate hair" there won't be any kind of sweating coming out of me. I am working on an excercise friendly hairstyle. One of my fabulous friends has very kindly offered to co-sponsor my latest venture cuz I'ze broke and broke and busted is not a good look for me (thanks girl).

So there was actually a point I was trying to make here. In my quest to stay in shape, inspired by Babs in blogland the swimmer and Monica Xanga the super runner/mom/career girl and most importantly Mr J, I have decided to train for a triathalon. I will say it again. I have decided to train for a TRIATHALON (1.5 km swim/40km bike/10km run). Mr J is doing the one in St. Petersberg at the end of April.

I also made a fabulous new friend recently, named Mona, who is training for a triathalon in the spring (why did I laugh at her butt when she told me she almost froze her butt off after swimming AND THEN biking home. Did she not know it was cold?!!! pure madness). Trust that if I go swimming I will be running from the building to my pre-heated car with the heat on full blast!

So I am doing a triathalon. That poses two problems: 1. I can't swim and 2. I don't have a bike...BWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Just a couple of minor details! So I actually do know how to swim but I am no where near competition level. I can take lessons though. Problem one solved. As for problem 2 bicycles are expensive!!! When my friend told me that a good race bike can cost upwards of twenty five hun'ed I almost choked! WHAT THE HECK?!! I am not even sure if my car is worth that much! LOL! For $2500 I hope the bicycle comes with seat warmers, cable tv and can pedal itself...shooot! I will have to figure something out. When I do I will write a new post in my beer budget champagne taste series!

The third problem that I will have is motivation. What will motivate my behind to get up in twenty degree weather to swim/jog/spin? It has got to be bigger than me. So I have decided to do a triathalon with Team in Training of the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. I will be hitting all of you up to join me by making a donation for a good cause. Knowing that by doing this I will be helping others, that will motivate me. Wish me luck! I will be doing weekly fitness update posts to keep you updated.

I have already recruited my friend S to join me. Any other takers?

Do you have any personal fitness goals that you would like to accomplish in 2008?

quote of the day: wholeness

2007-11-29T10:19:00.001-08:00

Matthew 9:22
"...Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole...."

Reappearing Acts: Do men have man-radars?

2007-11-29T10:00:00.000-08:00

Rewind about 5 months back. I meet this guy online. I will call him Jason Kid (JK). He tells me that he only reason why he joined match.com just to write to me. He sends this super long e-mail that seemed so sincere. He seemed like the truth. He was 6’2”, cute to boot (a Jason Kid look alike), successful entrepreneur, smart, active in his church, never married, no kids, parents married for almost half a century, volunteers on the board of several not for profits, yada yada yada… I was so excited, being the eternal optimist, it seemed like he had so much potential. Then…nothing. Alas, actions speak louder than words.

Within five minutes of talking to a guy I can get a feel for if he is sincere or if he is trying to run game. Game recognize game. After a few conversations on the phone I was able to ascertain that he was someone that did not want to be taken seriously. After that we would talk every once in a while. I was soon “over” him and stopped returning his calls all together. It has been a few months since I last talked to him.

So yesterday JK sends me a text message wishing me a happy birthday. That is really sweet and all…except my birthday was SEPTEMBER 28 not November 28…sigh. I guess it is the thought that counts? He calls me today and I decided to take his call. He basically tells me that he wants to put the past aside and that he really wants to get to know me better. Say bruh, you are a day late and a dollar short. What the heck happened to you? Did you just wake up with Tee on the brain? Did your radar go off that another man might be lurking on the horizon? Couldn’t you just stay in the (figurative or literal) hole where you have been hiding all these months? Sigh.

Another blast from the past called yesterday. Swedish cowboy, evidently his silence was due to the unexpected passing of his grandmother. He just came back from Sweden… I can’t be mad at that.

Can someone explain why guys pull that disappearing, re-appearing act? It is quite tired already.

T’is the season: I think I officially hate Christmas

2007-11-29T08:18:00.000-08:00

I am slowly approaching a point where I hate Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that the Lord loved us enough to sacrifice his only begotten son so that my sinning behind could have life. I love that and am thankful to God everyday. We all know that the Christmas season has almost nothing to do with Jesus. That being said, I am getting to hate Christmas.

I think what I hate most about it is that it is touted as the happiest time of the year. It’s not. I don’t have the energy to look up statistics but I would be willing to bet that more people commit suicide than any other time of the year.

Last Christmas I had to work. As if that didn’t suck enough my loving, doting boyfriend who was visiting from out of town shows up at my job and starts acting a STRAIGHT UP FOOL in the middle of the hospital lobby. Now it would be one thing if I was working at the security desk and had time to entertain such nonsense at work but when you are desperately trying to keep somebody’s grandmamma alive, you really don’t have time for messiness. Thinking about it right now makes me SO MAD! If I could have killed him I would have. Sometimes I still think about killing him for bringing that garbage to my place of employment. Mmmm. Needless to say that pretty much spoiled my Christmas. He did give me a really good present that in no way made up for the debacle he created but it made for a great parting gift!

Let’s fast forward a year. I have no job so I don’t have to work. The drama boyfriend is now an ex. Life should be great or at least drama free. Right? Well it turns out that some very resourceful person decided to create a duplicate copy of my Visa and use it to purchase thousands of dollars of presents for all of their loved ones. How sweet! Thank goodness that Bank of America’s fraud department took notice. Just yesterday I was writing about the goodness of people—I take that back. People and babies are e-v-u-u-l!

Call me a scrooge but I personally don’t see the joy in Christmas:
-It is cold
-The stores are too crowded
-People are ruder than any other time of the year
-I miss my family
-It is a lonely time

If someone could please knock me out and wake me up on 1/1/2008. Pity party aside, one thing that always makes me feel better is being around people worse off than myself (there are so many). I will probably end up volunteering somewhere.

So what does this all mean for you?
If you can think of reasons why I should love Christmas time please do share.
As you are singing carols by the fireside with your families realize that this time of year can be a hard time for some and make an attempt to reach out to someone who doesn’t have a family or is much less fortunate than you. What would it be like if your Christmas was actually about giving (and not gift exchange/over eating)?

* I just thought about something I like about Christmas. It is the only time of the year I can get Silk-nog (vegan eggnog-oxymoron…anyway) at the grocery store! It is not much but I am trying to be positive….

Misery loves company. Would anyone like to share any Christmas time horror stories?

Personal delivery from Mr J.

2007-11-29T08:15:00.001-08:00

Isn't that sweet? I love love love flowers! Note we have moved from yellow (friendship) to red (passion)...

The man that cannot exist: Acknowledging the root of my need for attention.

2007-11-29T08:13:00.000-08:00

Ladies, correct me if I am wrong but I think we all want the same man: good looking, ily man who will make a great father. Give or take a few things and that probably looks something like your dream guy, right? As I get older I realize that some of the things I wanted are not necessarily compatible with each other. For instance, what are the chances that someone who is really fine and really charming (read player) and has becoming accustomed to charming ladies his whole life will actually be loyal to me for the rest of his life? Loyal player is an oxymoron. I am not saying it can’t happen but chances are… The truth is that I might be better off with the slightly nerdy guy who isn’t as smooth but whose heart is a lot more sincere…

Recently I have had to confront the oxymoron of the successful doting man. I dated this guy who was successful in his own right. He owned a financial services company and he was building his gigantic dream house in Connecticut from the ground up. Anyone who has every built a house from the ground up knows that this takes a lot of time and energy. He is a super sweet guy. I miss him much. If there are any single ladies in the tri-state area he is a great catch for the right girl…I digress. This guy is a hard worker. I mean a really hard worker. On most days he would work until midnight, often pulling all-nighters. Despite his crazy schedule he would call me everyday before going to bed. On weekends he would drive two hours to take me on a date then drive two hours back home.

I am used to being with guys who were a lot more accessible. My ex would call me several times a day. Granted, the relationship was a bit codependent. Dating the guy in CT made me realize that one of the prices of dating an ultra-driven guy was that he would not be sitting under me 24 hours of the day. In order to be with such a guy I would have to be understanding of his time constraints.

“My first mistake was I wanted too much time. I had to have him morning noon and night”

Creoledc wrote a blog about a friend that was putting unreasonable demands for time and attention on a busy man that she was dating. The piece hit home for me. I then started wondering where this strong need for attention came from. Why was it so important for me to be with someone who showered me with attention?

My friend TJ hit it on the nail when he said, “fathers dote on their children, not boyfriends.” When you look up the definition of doting in the Webster dictionary it actually gives the example of a doting grandparent doting on her grandchild. That is when it occurred to me that my need for attention stems from my desire to have the attention that I never got from my father. I am in essence asking every man I meet to pay for the sins of my father and frankly that is not fair.

Recently God revealed to me that one of the reasons for my underlying anger towards men was because of unresolved hurts from my dad. I had a mini therapy exercise; I was prayed for and delivered. As time goes on God continues to reveal things about how my childhood has affected my current relationships. He is healing me one layer at a time, slowly putting back all the pieces. One day I will be whole. The reality is that this is a journey, not a destination. Each day that goes by I get better, wiser, stronger. Until I reach the final mark, I press on….

Thankful for: random acts of kindness

2007-11-26T12:59:00.000-08:00

Reading a post on "Days Like These" reminded me of a recent act of kindness. When I was at the airport sniffling away, feeling generally miserable, I started coughing. Sick and alone is the worst way to be. The lady I was sitting next to me, without saying a word, handed me a Ricola cough drop. Despite the fact that I had a a whole bag of Ricola cough drops in my bag, this one act of kindness made me feel so much better about the world. It really touched me. Maybe there is hope for us. Maybe all adults aren't really evil (just babies).

The quote, "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers" rings so true to me. There have been countless times that I can think of when I was helped by strangers in both minor and major ways. I can think of days when I was feeling pretty miserable when a kind, warm, smile from someone passing by made me feel better.

My general philosophy is that if there is something that I can do that will not cost me much but will brighten someone else's day then by all means do it.

When was the last time you:

-Smiled at a stranger (we don't do that up north)

-Gave someone a compliment

-Sent a friend a 99c card just to let them know you were thinking about them

-Gave an unexpected present

-Offered someone a ride

-Gave a 99c candy to a friend

-Gave a cough drop to someone coughing

-Asked someone how they were and really listened to their answer

-Did something for someone with nothing to gain from it

Expectations

2007-11-26T09:41:00.000-08:00

I shadowed this brilliant ophthalmologist (eye surgeon) at the Mayo clinic once. We went to see a patient who he had just operated on. The dialogue went something like this:

Dr G: How are you feeling?
Patient: My eyes hurt
Dr G: You are welcome
Patient: (this time a little louder, as though he didn’t hear the first time) My eyes HURT.
Dr G: You are welcome. We will check on you in a few hours.

Aruuuu?! Not quite the interaction I had expected. Dr G then turns to me and explains the importance of setting expectations in life. He explained to me that after having major surgery a little pain should be expected. He told me that in any type of relationship in life it is always important to clearly set expectations. While his methods may have been a bit unorthodox, the lesson he taught me was learned for life.

Recently in the blog circles that I frequent there has been a very lively debate about the role of lists and stated expectations in relationships. It was started by a list of about twenty six things that creoledc wrote that gentleman should do, Lord Hannibal took issue with the idea of the list and the debate ensued. It is actually quite entertaining if you have a few minutes.

To add my two cents to the debate, I feel as though we all have a list of expectations for the opposite sex albeit stated or unstated. The problem comes when we are with someone who has a different set of expectations and neither person has bothered to communicate these expectations because after all the other person should “just know.” Recently Mr. J asked me what my expectations were in a relationship. I told him I needed to think about it. After some thought this is the list that I came up with. It is largely based on biblical principals. I haven’t shared them with him yet. I thought I would run it by my internet friends first.

(In order to be in a successful relationship) I expect:
1. For God to be at the center of our relationship
2. Honesty
3. Respect
4. Trust
5. You to be a gentleman
6. A dogged commitment to making our relationship work
7. Integrity
8. Consistency
9. Flexibility
10. You to be a man of your word
11. You to act in ways that are kind, considerate and loving towards me
12. For us to find loving ways of resolving conflict, with the goal of pursuing peace. This includes apologizing when necessary, sometimes even when unnecessary and not holding grudges.
13. You to try to understand things from my perspective and be patient with me
14. Open and effective communication
15. Support and encouragement
16. To have fun
17. Accessibility and regular communication
18. To see you at least every other month (he lives in Florida)
19. To be near and dear to your heart (closeness)
20. You to be protective and to take good care of my heart
21. To be cherished

Naturally, I expect the same things of myself (except the part about being a gentleman or man—LOL).

What say ye? Anything missing? Anything unreasonable?

I am thankful for: Friends that Rock!

2007-11-26T08:57:00.000-08:00

I love getting gifts especially unexpected gifts. I was delighted to find out that my friend S had an unexpected present for me. I love surprises!

S had gotten me a copy of the book, The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy. This book was a New York Times Bestseller and it won the Booker prize, the British version of the Pulitzer prize. More importantly this book is set in Kerala India, the part of India I will be visiting in January. Reading it I am getting a feeling for the sights, sounds and smells of the area. I am so excited about my trip!!!

I almost went to Brazil instead but Brazil will always be there and India is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Regardless, any option that involves being on a warm beach in January (Kerala is on the coast) as opposed to friggin cold Boston, is A-ok with me! And I love love love Indian food! Food friends and fun, that is what I am talking about!

For the record during this time of thanksgiving, let me say that I am truly grateful for all of the fabulous friends both old and new that God has blessed me with. I am so blessed!
What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?

I heart New Orleans

2007-11-26T08:24:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 ***

***Please note that my blog is not necesarily in chronological order. As a matter of fact there is no logic in the order in which I post blogs.

What is there not to like about New Orleans? As Babs in Blogland would say “how can you hate on it?” The first pleasant surprise was the weather. After leaving ice friggin cold Boston I expect NO to be just slightly chilly. Well I guess I should have checked weather.com because it was HOT. Like high seventies and sunny. I seriously considered pitching a tent by the river and not coming back to Boston until the spring…if only.
The second surprise was my hotel. I stayed at the Loews, steps away from the conference and across the street from the W hotel. I really wanted to stay at the W but it was $100 more per night. I am glad I didn’t. Loews hotels have this free membership program, if you sign up you get: early/late check in/ check out privileges; your choice of a healthy snack or wine or a local treat upon your arrival; free room upgrades when available. This is perfect for those with champagne taste and a beer budget! It is great!!! They let me check in at 10am (check in is usually 4pm) and they upgraded me to the grand luxury suite! One of the housekeepers gave me a pretty iris to put in my room (you know how I love flowers) and they brought my complimentary fruit basket with a bottle of water. How fabulous was that. Soon after I got in I took a long bubble bath in the marble tiled bathroom and then I was ready to hit the city.
So I had good weather, good accommodations, the only thing left was some good food! If I didn’t learn anything else from creoledc, one thing I learned is that those folks from Lousiana don’t play around when it comes to food. I didn’t have to look far to find good food. The restaturant in the hotel had some of the best shrimp and grits that I have had in a long time. I started off with this super yummy fried green tomato plus two other kinds of tomato with crab appetizer…sooo good! The best part about the restaurant was their drink specials…25c martinis. That is not a typo, TWENTY FIVE CENT MARTINIS (limit three—but who the heck needs more than three martinis?!). I was as though I had died and went to food heaven. Yumm.
The people had that southern hospitality that I miss so much living in bean town. After I finally get a job I will have to plan a trip back for the jazz festival or the essence music festival. I heart New Orleans.
The saddest part about being in the French Quarter is that as a tourist you are totally sheltered from the remaining devastation still very evident in the rest of the city. I hope that the city will be rebuilt soon and that the citizens of New Orleans will be able to return to their homes.

quote of the day: famous

2007-11-26T08:18:00.000-08:00

As I am sitting on the enterprise shuttle, no make up, snot dripping, generally looking a hot mess this 13 year old boy says to me,

"You look famous."

Huh?!! What that meant I wasn't quite sure. I also didn't know how to reply. So I said, "I will take that as a compliment." His mom responded, "I am sure he meant it as one" so I said, "thank you".

So guess what y'all? I look famous (to 13 year old white boys at least).
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Babies are E-V-U-U-L!

2007-11-26T07:47:00.000-08:00

I am now convinced that babies are a genius evolutionary mechanism of spreading germs, in other words, totally evil! I hate them all! I mean could bacteria have possibly found a better vector of transmitting disease than a seemingly innocent, cute, friendly baby? It is pure brilliance I tell you.

Please don't be fooled as I was. They are all evil. "Where is this coming from?" you ask. Well it all started when I was on the plane last week (not jet blue unfortunately). I sat next to this lady and her picture perfect family. Her husband, 5 year old and 3 year old were sitting on the other side of the isle. The lady and her most adorable 1 year old daughter were sitting next to me. Now her daughter was just the picture of total cuteness, kissable chubby cheeks, big blue eyes and a smile that never quit. She was obviously one of those happy babies. You know the kind that laughs anytime anyone says something, super friendly. I should have paid more attention to the little snot clots in her nose...1 st clue. The second clue I ignored was that her mom sounded just a little bit congested...humph.

After sitting next to mom and baby for a while I couldn't resist. I asked her if I could hold the baby. I used purell on my hands as not to infect the baby. I was worried about infecting the baby, wasn't thinking about the baby infecting me...sigh. I am never around children so getting the opportunity to play with a little was a lot of fun...or so I thought.

Fast forward, by the next day I started feeling a little under the weather...and I knew it was that darn baby. I tried to ward off the cold with extra doses of vitamin C and Airborne. That kept the cold at bay for a little while until a couple of days ago when my nose turned into a faucet, my head started spinning and I started vascillating between extreme hot and extreme cold and generally felt like two day old crap. Colds suck and babies are evil.

Anyone have any home grown remedies for the common cold? Castor oil? Shark liver oil? Let a sister know.

quote of the day: nkosi johnson

2007-11-20T06:37:00.000-08:00

"Do all you can
with what you have
in the time you have
in the place you are."

-Nkosi Johnson-age 12

To read about this boy's very short yet very powerful life:
The Face of AIDS:
http://www.simplytaty.com/bios/nkosi.htm

He truly embodied this quote. Reading his story brought tears to my eyes. May he rest in peace.

Late night utterings: A slip of the tongue

2007-11-20T05:20:00.000-08:00

So a few nights ago I was talking to Mr J on the phone. He told me he was going to call me back later. He didn't (big pet peeve). The next morning I wake up and see that I have a missed call at 1:10 am. I also have a voicemail from a very groggy, half asleep Mr J:

"Hey Dr Tee, what's up baby...it's me..oh God...it's 1:15...I forgot...I was beat... and I just woke up and realized that I did not call you before I went to bed. I apologize for not calling you back but I came in the house and said I was going to laid down for a minute in the and next thing you know it's 1:15. If you are still up give me a call otherwise I will talk to you in the morning...text message me...love you...oooh lady tee...slip of the tongue ( laughter)...call me when you can alright."

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! LOL!

I have not said a word to him about it. I just pretend like in never happened.

Care to comment?

Lonely: Jesus as the back up friend

2007-11-20T05:15:00.000-08:00

It's getting cold in Boston, like 30 degrees cold and it is not even winter yet! It is the holiday season and my hormones are wreaking havoc on my mood. I am lonely. For those of us who are far away from family or have lost family members who were near and dear to our hearts the holidays can be pretty rough. In addition, I am going through a bit of friend withdrawal.

Back in my junior year of college one of my closest best friends, who was also one of my suitemates, got a serious boyfriend. Whereas at one time she was always available to me she was now in love and spending lots of time with her new man, as was to be expected. She was gone so much that my other suitemates and I joked about putting a "room for rent" sign on her bedroom door! Not having her there was really hard for me. I missed her a lot. I missed our friendship.

As the years go by I find that I am "losing" more and more of my friends to this epidemic called marriage and serious relationships. The girls who were always good for going out, for drinks, coffee, or that midnight boo hoo call because Mr X did me wrong or because I missed my mom or just because…aren't there anymore. They are attending to their families as they should be. I just miss them a lot.

One of the things that made being single a lot easier was having "play boyfriends." These were guys who I was not romantically involved with but we were good friends and they were always good for a little flirting when necessary. Now they are gone too:
Frank- married to a crazy girl
Keith-married
TJ- married to his job!
Doug-married to a fabulous wife with a cute new baby!
Derek-not married but certainly involved in a hot mess.
Meka-married to residency and his live-in girlfriend
I am going to take a moment of silence for them.
((silence))
((more silence))
Moving on. I almost feel like that the only way to have a friend who will be committed to me is to get married myself but of course it is not that simple. I can't just make a fabulous husband magically appear. So what do I do in the meantime? Who do I go to when there is no one else to turn to and I am feeling lonely? This one's easy…you call on the Lord. But dang, is there anything more cliché than the single woman trying to "work on her relationship" with God cause she ain't got no man? I am soooooo tired of being that cliché!

I feel like I treat God like that friend who I don't really like but when push comes to shove and there is absolutely noooooooo one else to turn to, that's when I call the back up friend. After all he did say "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Or "lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." I mean that is pretty deep. That is more of a promise than any of my other friends can make. God is not supposed to be a back up friend. He is a good friend to me but I treat Him like a red-headed stepchild. (Where did that phrase come from anyway? I digress)

Back in the day we used to sing the hymn, "What a friend we have in Jesus." I have to say that God has been many things to me, my lord, my protector, my provider, the lover of my soul…but never a friend or at least not a good one. It is time for that to change. The bible says that "my God shall supply ALL [my] needs according to his riches and glory." That includes my need for companionship. I never thought of God as my hanging buddy before or the "person" who I can share chit chat and mundane details of my life with. It's time for a change. It is my desire to make God my number one friend. I want him to be the first person that I tell my great news to or share my heartache with. I want Him to be first on my list. It's about time I start recognizing the type of friend he has been to me.

Are you good friends with God? Really good friends?

I heart Jet Blue

2007-11-20T05:13:00.000-08:00

"...they had me at free wi-fi." LOL!
It has been a crazy crazy week! I have been to four different states, been towed and almost a casualty of road rage. I have lots of stories to tell so stay tuned.

First I wanted to talk about my very first jet blue experience. I was flying from JFK to New Orleans. I have to say that I was pretty impressed by the budget carrier. First thing when I got to the terminal in JFK they had this large area where about twenty or more people could plug in their laptops AND they had free wireless internet access. How cool is that?! In most airports I have been to you have to scope out the two or three outlets and find a way to position yourself near one of them.

The computer area/bench also can double up as a flat sleeping area, which comes in handy at 4:30am (as evidenced by one of my fellow travelers who was all curled up on the computer bench- ha ha).
The inside of the plane was also a good experience. The flight attendents and pilots were all very nice. They advertise the "most leg room in coach." While leg room has never been a major issue for me at 5'6", I was definitely able to notice having more space. They actually had a fun variety of snacks from healthy to yummy. My favorite part was that I got to watch CABLE TV!!!!!!

They have direct TV on board. Now I love cable TV but refuse to pay for it. It would only help feed my procratination habit. Besides I could get two mani/pedicures for the cost of one month's cable bill. These are the choices I have to make to be a "baller on a budget." Anyway I had so much fun catchy up on some of my guilty cable pleasures like "housewives of orange county"--I guess Jo is gone for good and "nip tuck"-is it just me or has that show become more like soft porn? I didn't get to watch the latest episode of "moniques's charm school" but I did watch "Run's house" when he took his daughter to get a TATOO-father daughter bonding sure has changed these days! What ever happened to a good old, "Hell naw" or "Over my dead body"? My dad would have probably said something along those lines...

For the record, if you tell anyone that I admitted to watching any of those shows I will deny it with a passion...and have you maimed...I am just saying.

Anyway, overall I had a very pleasureable flying experience. Most importantly I made it there and back safe and sound. Not only that we arrived 30 minutes BEFORE scheduled arrival! I have found a new favorite low budget carrier. I heart Jet Blue.

Beer budget champagne taste: Spa-less in the city

2007-11-12T04:06:00.001-08:00

What girl doesn’t love a day at the spa? I visited a girlfriend in NYC this weekend and as we all know NYC spas can be pricey. A massage at the Mandarin Oriental spa can cost upwards of $300…not an option for those of us on a beer budget. So what is a girl to do?

Not all is lost, you can still get primped and polished if you get a bit creative. We started off with at home facial treatments, mud masks, exfoliating treatments, soothing music and a nice cup of tea (or in our case Australian shiraz) did the trick. Next we went for manicure/pedicures. I vetoed the first place she chose because they were charging $42 (which is not bad compared to usual spa prices but I knew we could do better). We ended up going to this Vietnamese salon that had a $25 special. They did an excellent job. They were also having a waxing special for 20% off so I had my legs and eyebrows waxed for $13 and $9 respectively. As I waited for my nails to dry I opted for the 10 minute, $10 chair massage which was sooo good (much better than my massage school experience…). I love love love good massages! After wards we stopped at an organic vegan restaurant. I had chick pea curry with brown rice ($6)—perfect for a cold day in NYC and a freshly juiced wheat grass, pineapple, lemongrass, strawberry juice ($5)—yummy. Overall, our total wellness, beauty and relaxation day cost less than $60!

* I will post a picture of me in my mask when I get home. Hee hee.

The truth at 4:29am: The blogs I can never write

2007-11-12T03:38:00.000-08:00

For the last 4 days I have woken up between 3:30 and 4:30 am. Now anytime you are up during those hours there are only two possibilities: 1) You are a surgery resident or have some other horrible job that requires that you be up at such an ungodly hour; 2) There is a story to tell. Since y’all know I ain’t got no job, it’s got to be the latter…

Yes, there have been some stories: some perfectly innocent and some perfectly titillating; stories of an older woman with a young man…and her friend; stories of passion and purity; stories involving planes, trains, buses and the like; stories that would make a really good blog entries but I can’t write any of them. Although we all like to hide behind the veil of anonymity that is the internet we all know that it’s not fool proof and even when you change names to protect the innocent, people can still put two and two together… I guess there are some stories that you just take to your grave. That is how you keep a secret. I guess it is sufficient to say that I have had a fun weekend, involving three different states, I am on to my fourth as I write this. I did not break the law or any of my moral codes but I did have fun…and that is all that I will say.

quote of the day: rain

2007-11-08T13:53:00.000-08:00

"it does not rain on one house alone"
-Cameroonian proverb

The Swedish Cowboy

2007-11-08T07:42:00.000-08:00

October 27 2007:

Who knew they had black cowboys in Sweden?! And fuuuu-wiiiiiine ones too! On Saturday night we went to this costume party that was on a cruise ship. I went as a movie star/diva. I had the big sunglasses, boa and all. I forgot my camera so I have to wait for my girl K to e-mail me the pictures. We had so much fun on Saturday except I learned the lesson that I am not as young as I used to be and I can't hang how I used to hang... My body just can't handle staying up into the wee hours of the morning anymore. This movie star needs her beauty sleep!
Towards the end of the night I started dancing with this deliciously fine young chocolate brother. He was the kind of fine that you want to write someone and tell them about it! Mmmmmm mmmm mmmm. Turns out he was from Sweden and he had the cutest swedish accent. Who knew they had black people in Sweden?! He was a student at the Harvard Business school working on his MBA AND his PhD in economics. Looks and brains I tell you! He is one person I sure wouldn't mind having as a study partner. As a matter of fact if all the brothers in Sweden look like him, I am going to buy me some down parkas and I am moving to Sweden! LOL!
Anyone else have any hottie sightings lately?

The afterparty: Swedish sadness

2007-11-08T06:33:00.000-08:00

"After the party is the after party..."

One thing that can be said with certainty is that Harvard business school boys like to party! Swedish cowboy (I will do a post on him next) now keeps me abreast of all the business school partying and debauchery. Twice a year they have this party called Brown Sugar sponsored by the Black and Indian student associations. At midnight, after the housewarming party, I called one of my partners in crime, Raquel* who is always down for having fun. We got to the party at about 12:30am. Clubs in Boston close at 2am so there was no way we were paying the $20 cover charge. We came prepared to hustle.

Unfortunately the female bouncer at the door, we will call her Helga, was impenetrable. Evidently my charms don't work on the same sex. However, after spending a good 15 minutes trying to squeeze into a parallel parking spot, I was determined to get in this party. So we left Helga alone and worked our magic on Antonio, the other bouncer. Sometimes persistence pays off.

One of the reasons why I wanted to go to the party was because I wanted to go and drool over the Swedish cowboy. Did I mention that he is fine and a great dancer?! Evidently, I was not the only female who had that in mind....

I never really realized how hard it is to locate someone in a dimly lit crowded club. However, I was on a Swedish mission and I was not to be deterred. Eventually I found him. Unfortunately he also had some chick who was all over him. I waited for her to take a bathroom break or come up for air or something..didn't happen. So at the end of the night I went up to say hi to him (and her). I was very polite and all smiles. He looked rather uncomfortable and he called me "the dangerous public health girl" (not quite sure what that means). My girl Raquel said the whole situation looked pretty awkward. LOL! I thought it was funny. I guess ole boy didn't read p.79 of the players playbook--"How to act when you are with one female but then run into another." Sigh.

Let's take a moment of silence to observe the loss of another fine black man.

*names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Housewarming Party: Part B

2007-11-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

Last night I had part B of my housewarming party. It was a totally different group of people. We had the representatives of Botswana, Australia, Honduras, Jamaica and USA. Then there was Lydia who has been to all of these places! LOL!

I had soooooooo much fun. There was a lot of good food (besides the food I made). Lydia brought this really good crusty bread with smoked gouda and brie. Lara made this super delicious apple pie that she made from apples she picked with her own hands. We baked the pie at my house, served it with haagen daz vanilla. Hmmm. It's what I will be having for breakfast today! Amy brought a whole pyramid of those really good Ferrero Roche chocolates. The menu was rather...umm...eclectic:

Appetizers:

Bread and cheeses

Fried tofu with cilantro cashew dipping sauce (I had leftover ingredients from Friday)

Salad:

Mix greens with baby greens and romaine.

Entrees:

Because it has been sooo cold I thought it would be the perfect day for some

Turkey chili and cornbread served with jasmine rice

I had more ingredients for thai chicken red curry so we had that too

Dessert:

-More southern comfort cake- always a party pleaser!

-Apple pie with vanilla ice cream

-Chocolate chip cookies

-Chocolate

Drinks:

Wine and make your own cocktail. I made this really good cocktail with mango juice, lychees and passion fruit rum. Mmmm.

I made way too much food! I am always scared that there won't be enough so I over compensate. So everyone got a gladware container full of chili as a parting gift! I was so thankful to Lara and Kele who helped me clean up afterwards. It is so nice to not have to cook and clean up all by myself. Overall a great time was had by all.

Next post: The after party

A victory in finance class!

2007-11-06T09:32:00.000-08:00

A-

Yea! I am so excited! I made an A- minus in my financing class which has been kicking my butt all semester long! I worked a lot harder for that A- than I ever did for my A+ in epidemiology. I am going to celebrate!!!!!!

Fitness diaries: Day three

2007-11-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

I went running on Sunday! I was so proud of myself! I know it is not much but a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step...
On Monday, I went to my salsa dance class for 1.5 hours.
Today it is raining again. I might, that is a big might, go to the dungeon-like-super-scary-gym at school. We will see.

Where have I been for the last six years?! Goapele

2007-11-06T07:53:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one who hasn't heard of this chick? She has been out since 2001 and I have never heard of her! She is sooo good if neo-soul is your thing. She is gorgeous, political and she of Southern African descent-like me (hence the name). Go South Africa! Her CD is only $12 including shipping on her myspace page. If you go to her myspace page page make sure you listen to the song entitled "You"

Have you heard any really good CD's lately?

Every woman should know

2007-11-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

I got this from a friend and it is very true.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without losing herself...
How she feels about having kids....
How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the relationship...
When to try harder....
And when to walk away....
How to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend....
How to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it...
That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents....
That her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over....
What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
How to live alone...even if she doesn't like it...
Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally....
Where to go....be it to her best friends kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods, when her soul needs soothing...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, and a year....

Mr J and I: Taking it to the next level

2007-11-06T07:20:00.001-08:00

So this post is not what you think it's about.

I really admire Mr. J for so many reasons. Professionally, he has really taken things to the next level. His stuff is tight! I hope that at minimum we can remain lifetime friends because there is so much that I could learn from him. He and are are in basically the same profession for all practical purposes except that he is a well seasoned professional and I am umm...a broke student.

Mr J is an executive at a very large, well known Fortune 100 (Fortune 50?)company and I am proud to say that he recently won a very prestigious company wide award. Yea Mr J! Go Mr J! The problem is that on the day he is supposed to receive the award he is also scheduled to give a presentation at the American Academy of Ophthalmology conference. I just did a paper (remember that last minute paper) on the same subject that he was going to talk about. He told me that he was frantically looking for someone to replace him at the meeting and things weren't looking to good. So what did I do? I offered to do his presentation for him! I actually really wanted to go to this conference in New Orleans (but alas the beer budget). Doing a talk at the conference would be a really really good resume builder for me and I would have a bazillion networking opportunities and... it's New Orleans for goodness sake!!!!! I am sooooooo excited! It is going to take a lot of paperwork and scrambling to get things done by next Tuesday. I really hope that we can make it happen. Emeril Lagasse here I come! I will keep you updated!

Important question (ie. feedback needed)

What should I do this weekend to help Mr J celebrate his prestigious award?

PG-13 responses only please

Case and point: Can't buy love

2007-11-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

So my divorced friend, "Chicago", and I are friends again. The crazy girl's drama forced me to contact him and solicit his help. Now we are friends again. I'll tell you God works in some mysterious ways...! If it wasn't for Crazy Girl we probably would have never spoken again. God bless you crazy girl!LOL!

Mr Chicago and I used to spend hours on the phone talking about life. He went to theology school and is well versed in the bible. We have prayed together, read the bible together and he has helped me to grow in my walk with God in many ways. The funny thing is that we have never met in person.

So Mr Chicago and I talk to each other about our relationships. He is a recent divorcee who is in the process of healing from his 15 year marriage. He finally agrees with me that he needs to take time to himself to heal before getting involved in a serious relationship. He is not emotionally available. However, he recently met this girl, Ms. Desperada, who really likes him. He has told her that he is not ready to be in a serious relationship. Did she listen? No. Bad idea, bad idea.

So this chic has basically been auditioning for the role of wifey pursuing him hard core, I guess trying to make him change his mind about being in a relationship. As far as I am concerned she is out of order. This chick has been showering him with gifts, inviting herself to his house and spending several nights a week there. She has been basically going through all types of commotions to prove to him that she is the perfect girl. It's almost like she is trying to prove that she is worthy of being loved.

Now let me tell you about Mr. Chicago. Mr. Chicago is a romantic at heart, he loves giving women gifts flowers, jewelery, alla dat. He had one chic come visit him and he had this elaborate romantic weekend planned out, greeted her with flowers and was even going to buy her a nice piece of jewelery (except her butt acted stoopid so he didn't buy it). He is the type of guy who LIKES DOING special things for special ladies in his life. Shoot, he even bought me flowers once. Now do you think he has bought ANYTHING for Ms Desperada? NO! He is not pressed and why should he be because she has decided to take on the role of the chaser/hunter/pursuer. She has reversed the order and done a disservice to herself. By chasing him around he is not any more ready to be in a serious relationship than he was before, she is wasting her energy.

Am I saying that women should never do nice things for men? No, of course not. The things that she is doing are the type of things that wives, fiances or serious girlfriends should do. At this point she should allow him to take the lead. What is Lady Tee's second rule of dating? -Don't love anyone who doesn't love you back, ie. don't play yourself.

Now I can totally relate to Ms Desperada's need to make herself seem worthy. I have gone through different stages in the way I relate to men: The first stage in my quasi-feminist days was when I was completely opposed to doing anything that fell into the traditional female role. I refused to cook, clean, iron or do anything like that for a man. I felt that if I knew how to do those things than he should too.

The next stage was more like Ms Desperada. I decided to become the uber super girlfriend. I did all the things that (in my mind) a perfect girlfriend would do. I made the gourmet meals, cleaned apartments, learned acrobatics and said all the right things. I was good no doubt. Darn good. However, my motivation for doing those things was to prove that I was good enough or worthy of love.

Now I am at my favorite stage thus far, the "love me or leave me stage." I have come to realize that being me is enough and that actually I am quite fabulous if I don't say so myself. Any man would be very lucky to have me. That is not to say that I am perfect cause I am soooooooo not perfect but I am pretty darn good. Now, I no longer feel the need to constantly prove myself. I know my worth. I know who I am. Now when I do things it's because I want to and not because I feel I have to. If Mr. (fill in the blank) can't appreciate there is someone out there who will.

Can anyone relate?

Beer budget champagne taste: My new dress

2007-11-06T05:23:00.000-08:00

Just because you are broke doesn't mean you have to look busted.
I saw this dress on my friends blog.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2954738/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6001765~6001769?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6001769&P=1

So this dress is baaaaaaaaaaad with a capital B. The only problem is that it is $248--doesn't really fit in the beer budget category. I started thinking that it would be reeeeeeeeally nice to have a new dress to wear for my date with Mr J on Saturday. So I had three choices: 1) Put this dress on my charge card and go into debt; 2) Wear an old but fabulous outfit; 3) Find an equally fabulous but significantly cheaper dress. Guess what I did folks? You are right! I found an equally fabulous but affordable dress...on ebay!
I love the innernets. You can go shopping at 7am in the morning! Ebay has a lot of new with tags clothing that are significantly less than retail
When buying from e-bay things to make sure of:
1. Know the return policy. If the seller does not accept returns, proceed with caution.
2. Check the sellers review history. If other people have had trouble with this seller, you might too.
3.Buy things from designers and stores you are familiar with so you know what sizes and cuts fit you well.
4.Know your measurements and check with the sellers measurements. All size two's are not created equally.
5. Make sure to read the description for any noted defects
6. Ask. ask ask before you buy!
7. Ask before you buy!
8. Use on of the bid stealer programs. They will help you get almost all of your bids and avoid losing bids due to: forgetting to bid before the item closes and last minute item sniper people
So I have been wanting a long sleeve dress for the winter. I know that wrap around dresses look great on me. Look at the dress from Banana Republic I bought on e-bay this morning for $38-incl shipping (see picture below). It is classic and can be worn during the day or at night. It would be great with a pair of high heeled boots and some fabulous accessories! I am going to look hot!

Sister up!/ Maybe there is something to “The Rules”

2007-11-04T07:21:00.000-08:00

Sisters I am mad at you! I am actually angry at Mr J but I can’t help but hold you partially responsible too. Let me just preface this by saying that I am very old fashioned when it comes to dating. I truly believe that back in the day there was a respected order when it came to dating and that order existed for a reason but us modern day, wanna be independent, bad-by myself, I-can-bring-home-the-bacon-and-fry-it-too chicks have fugged it up. Sisters we have fugged up the dating order royally! You can almost not blame the men for not knowing how to act (I said almost).
Now I wish that I could say that what you do in the privacy of your bedroom and relationships is your business and has nothing to do with me, unfortunately that’s not the case. Your willingness to act desperate, tolerate mediocrity, or be treated like anything less than the queen that you are, affects the attitude of the guys you leave behind. Husbands could not cheat if there were not women willing to cheat with them. What disturbs me the most about adultery that is men don’t even have to lie about being married anymore because they know there are women who will tolerate that crap. They don’t even have to lie! What the heck?! We actually might be better off if some women were removed from our society permanently. I have encountered many men in my life, a lot of great ones and a lot of ones full of crap (FOC). I try to minimize my time with the FOC ones, thankfully I have been largely successful. However, for everyman that has approached me with some bull crap nonsense, I know that the reason why he feels that he can get away with it is because there are some SISTERS who will totally go for it. Whether we are talking about the guy with the disrespectful comment about my butt or the one proposing sex before the first date, or the married man who wants to go out, some SISTER is accepting this! Why, why why?! Why can’t we love and respect ourselves enough to choose to only deal with men who love and respect us?
While I know that book “The Rules” creates controversy in any discussion, I think that before we totally dismiss such books we need to take a closer look. I assume that most people have heard about this bestselling, very controversial book that outlines the rules for dating with advice like “never accept a weekend date after Wednesday.” The basic premise of the book is: 1) Have a life (if you don’t have one pretend you do); 2) Don’t act desperate; 3) Don’t play yourself. None of us would argue about the value and importance of these three things. Some people argue that we should not have to “play games” and that you should just “be yourself.” Maybe so, they might have a point there. However, I would argue that if “being you” equates to being desperate, easy and non-self respecting then maybe you need to check yourself before trying to involve yourself with anyone else. Another problem that people have with the book is the absoluteness of the statements of the book. I think the reason why the authors made the rules very strict and absolute is that once people start bending the rules there is no telling how far they would go. We women are very good at rationalizing. Now virtually ALL men hate the idea of “the rules”. If you asked most men they would tell you that they would never ever be with a “Rules girl.” However, if you examine the women who men actually commit to (and treat well), they are not easy, desperate, stupid, and they do have lives that don’t completely revolve around their men. These women might not have obeyed the letter of the “Rules laws” but they certainly had the spirit. I mean, if you really think about it a man that calls you on Friday afternoon for a Friday night date is probably using you as a back up or some sort of after thought and who wants that?! I think there is value in being with a man who really wants to be with you and is not afraid to show it with his actions.
A man who is truly interested in a woman will exhibit certain behaviors almost universally. That man will want to call, he will want to spend time with you, he will respect you (provided you respect yourself), and he will want to buy you romantic gifts or do special things for you. I am not saying he will do all of these things 100% percent of the time but if he is not doing most of these things then guess what? He is just not that into you. Who wants to be with someone who is not that into them? Not I. Men are hunters by nature. They like to conquer and are often bored quickly with easy prey. When you start chasing men, asking men out, showering them with gifts, proposing marriage or being the one to put all of the effort into the relationship, you are out of order. Period. While this might work for some people this has not been the case in the marriages and relationships that I respect and admire. I am not saying there is anything inherently wrong with any of these things but when the woman is the one making most of the effort in a relationship, it’s never a good look.
Another thing sisters, stop lying to yourself about the relationship that you are in. And believe a man when he tells you about himself. If he tells you he is not ready to be in a committed relationship, please believe that he is not ready to be in a committed relationship. Just because a man has sex with you four nights a week does not mean that he is your man. Be honest about your relationship and act consistently with your relationship. If you are not exclusively dating and that is your desire, don’t act like a girlfriend cuz if you ain’t, you ain’t. For example, if you are not exclusively dating a guy there is no reason why you should be shacking up in his house every other night. For what? I personally don’t feel like there is any good reason to shack up or play house unless you are married or have definite plans to be married in the immediate future. I would ask, what is the hurry? If he is truly the one for you, then you have the rest of your life to pick up his dirty socks/ drawers. If he is not the one for you then living separately makes it a lot easier to move on with your life once you have figured that out. You don’t need to live with someone to determine compatibility. The point that I am trying to make is that as a lady there are ways to conduct yourself when you are getting to know someone that are different than the ways you conduct yourself when you are dating exclusively, that are different than when you are engaged, that are different than when you are married. Each season of a relationship has a special value and place that gets lost when you are too busy trying to exist in a different season. As my dad likes to say, “be in the present moment.”

Lastly, be purposeful in your dating. Know what you want to get out of dating and be honest with yourself. If you want to get married then acknowledge and respect that. If you want to play the field, make sure that you can really handle that. Know yourself.

To sum it all up (for my sake if not for yours) remember these four things:
Love and respect yourself always
Only deal with people who love and respect you.
Stop lying to yourself about your relationship
Be purposeful about who you spent your time and energy with. Rather than wasting your time with losers you could be finding ways to save the world.

If all of us sisters do this maybe we can start a revolution and force the men in this world to man up and step up their game.

quote of the day: buttermilk biscuit

2007-11-03T15:27:00.000-07:00

"...His words were like gravy and I was sopping it up with a buttermilk biscuit."
Babs in blog land

Fitness: I need help!!!

2007-11-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

I need to get into shape! Fortunately, I have "good genes", I eat very healthy and I don't eat a lot so I don't need to lose weight. However, I do know that as people age their metabolisms start to slow down and thus excercising is a necessary evil that should become a habit if I wish to remain slim and trim. Besides inactivity is an independent risk factor for many of the big bad diseases like heart disease. Thirdly, excercise is a great way to fight off the depression demons that sometimes plague me. I am not a stranger to exercise it is just that for my whole life I have exercised competitively and not just for the sake of exercising. I ran to do well in track meets or rugby. It is hard for me to get used to the idea of excercising without a goal. I could set a goal of getting a six pack in six months, except I am not that excited by the idea of a six pack. My flat abs are A-ok with me without the definition. I thought about doing a triathalon with Mr J next year. That would require swimming lessons. If babs in blogland can take swimming lessons, then maybe I can too. Then again, who wants a swimmer's body with broad manly shoulders and all? Is it possible to be too vain to exercise? Then the idea of having wet hair in the middle of winter in Boston is not too appealing. I haven't ruled swimming out yet. I tried joining the cycling club at school but it didn't work out too well mostly because I don't have a bike...hmm. LOL! Again, the idea of biking in Boston in the middle of winter...not too appealing. I guess generally speaking the idea of Boston in the middle of the winter is just not too appealing--that is why I will be on the beaches in Kerala India this January!

Almost everyday I tell myself that I am going to go running but then I come up with excuses for myself: it's too cold, it's too dark, it's too rainy etc. Today I promised myself that I was going to go running but it is rainy and cold so no go. The gym at my school is both scary and depressing. I refuse to go there. During the week they have a few aerobics classes that I don't mind trying but on days like today there is no place for me to go. I have decided that I wanted to start collecting aerobic workout DVD's so I can have my own personal aerobics classes at home.

I need recommendations!!! Does anyone have any favorite work out DVD's that you can recommend? Help! Or if you have any suggestions for indoor activities that can be done without freezing my butt off, I am happy to hear those too.

What say ye?

Our first date: Lady Tee and Mr J

2007-11-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

This is a post I wrote a little while ago before I started this blog:

The tick tick tick of the heart

This weekend I went on a first date. We met online. I was rather excited about this date because on the surface we seemed to have a lot in common. However, life experiences have taught me that things aren't always what they seem. So I proceeded with caution. I kept cool and kept my expectations low. There have just been too many times that the guy seemed great initially and then things did not turn out how I thought they would. So I kept my cool and kept my expectations low. Worst case scenario I would have a nice dinner.
I guess it has fair to say that I am a bit spoiled (just a little bit). I have met a lot of great guys and I am used to being treated like a lady. I have actually gotten to the point where I expect it. My dad demonstrated how a gentleman should act by his example. So I don't get surprised when a guy opens the door for me. This is all to say that Mr J, my date was the immaculate gentleman. He got all those extra points for doing the extra considerate things that most guys would overlook. He interacts with lots of different people for his job so the conversation flowed freely. The laughter lasted all night.
Mr J has what my friend calls "good bio data" ie. He has a good job, good education, right religion, athletic etc. He is tall (6'3) dark and handsome. He is a bit frugal (by his own admission) so I know he has good credit. And he loves his momma. Oh and since our first date he has called and texted me on a regular basis. Sounds good right? Maybe. Yet I am cautious. I didn't used to be like this. I didn't used to think so much. When I was younger I used to dive in head first. Now I gingerly dip one toe in the water and decide if I want to get in or if it is worth the trouble of getting my hair wet. Know what I mean?
On our first date Mr J told me that he really liked me. On our second encounter he told me that if he never saw me again that it was worth meeting me because for the first time in a long time he felt that "tick tick tick" feeling in his heart. He said that it had been so long since he has felt this way that he didn't know if he still had it in him. I admire his openness. He asked me if I felt the "tick tick tick" in my heart. The truth is that I don't know. I don't know if you can still feel the "tick tick tick" after you have built walls around your heart.
What do you think?

SPECIAL DELIVERY from Mr. J!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

So I get this cryptic phone call from a number I don't recognize. The guy on the phone asked me to confirm my address. Huh? Who the heck are you?! He tells me that he has to deliver a package to me. So immediately I think that it is probably Mr. J but then I think it might be crazy stalker girl trying to figure out my whereabouts. I decided that I can't live my life in fear so I threw caution to the wind and confirmed my address. Within two hours my doorbell rings. At the door is this delivery guy with the most beautiful bouquet of roses, lilies and daisies from Mr. J. (I would take a pic but I left my camera at a friend's house). His timing was impeccable because my other flowers were dying. I was planning on buying more tomorrow.

The card attached said:
"Please keep your heart ticking! I miss you"

(You guys won't get that reference without my pre-blog previous post. I will post it next)

Anyone that knows me knows that I love love love flowers!!!!!! If there was ever a way to brighten up my day it is with flowers! It mighty be raining outside but there is a whole lot of sunshine chez Tee's
This morning I told Mr J that he was my most favorite guy in Jacksonville Florida. He said, "that's really sweet." I told him, "Don't be too impressed because I only know two guys in Jacksonville!" LOL! He said that he was at least going for "most favorite guy on the east coast." I told him, "I don't know, that is a hard one..."
I just sent him a text message (he is working) saying that "Today you are my most favorite guy in the world" because he is. His repsonse said, "U R my fav lady today tomorrow and ."

Doo dee doo dee do. I am on cloud nine!

The housewarming party: Part A

2007-11-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

I have a tiny apartment but I wanted to have a housewarming party. The problem is that I cannot physically fit all the people that I wanted to invite into my small space. So to solve this dilemma I decided to have two parties one on Friday and one on Wednesday. This seemed like a good idea to me but in actuality I just ended up confusing everyone. Some people thought that I cancelled the Friday party and rescheduled it for Wednesday. Sigh. Despite the confusion the last night was a hit. I love entertaining and cooking for people but I am not yet the hostess extraordinaire that I aspire to be.

When creating a menu for last night I had to take a few dietary needs into consideration: vegetarian, lactose intolerant, no-red meat, no seafood. That automatically ruled out lasagne, one of my tested and true party pleasers. So what then? I thought about mexican fajitas with optional fillings cheese, meat, chicken, veggie etc. but the last time i had a party I had a mexican theme and that guacamole and salsa can be pretty labor intensive... I ended up deciding on Thai. My menu was as follows:

Appetizers: chicken satay with peanut dipping sauce. Fried tofu with a cilantro/cashew dipping sauce.

Salad: Mixed greens with grape tomatoes, cucumber, carrots served with a homemade Thai salad dressing

Entree: Choice of chicken or tofu red curry served with jasmine rice

Desert: Lychees or Southern comfort cake (recipe courtesy of creole dc) served with haagen daz light but extra rich vanilla ice cream

Drinks: Thai iced tea, wine, prosecco or cocktails

Overall, the evening was a hit! I cooked the chicken satay under the broiler because I don't have a grill and because I was worried about giving my guests salmonella I might have overcooked them so they were a little on the dry side but still tasty. My fabulous friend S gave me a beautiful card with orchids on it ( I love love love orchids!) and an individual tea pot. It is sooo cute and I love tea. I think I will make a cup as soon as I am done writing. I am so thankful to have a home that is pretty AND that I enjoy coming home to. It is great being in a peaceful place. I am also extremely thankful that I have friends who enjoy (or at least do a good job of pretending to enjoy) my cooking who I can share stories, trials, triumphs, laughs and Justin Timberlake's performance on SNL of D__k in a box (we watched that last night)! LOL! Good times! Good times!

Do you know who i am? Do you know who you are?

2007-11-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

I find that so many times we put up with junk and allow ourselves to be treated as less than because we forget who we really are. During those times when you are tempted to accept mediocrity from yourself or from others, come back and read this blog and be reminded of who you are in Christ. (Thanks D aka N for sending this to me)

I KNOW WHO I AM

I am God's child (John 1:12)

I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)

I am united with the Lord(1 Cor. 6:17)

I am bought with a price(1 Cor. 6:19-20)

I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)

I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)

I am the salt & light of the earth ( Matt.5:13-14)

I am a member of the body of Christ(1 Cor 12:27 )

I am free forever from condemnation (Rom. 8: 1-2)

I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)

I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31 -34)

I am a minister of reconciliation for God(2 Cor.5:17-21)

I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)

I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)

I cannot be separated from the love of God(Rom.8:35-39)

I am established, anointed, sealed by God ( 2 Cor.1:21-22)

I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28 )

I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16 )

I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12 )

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13 )

I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)

I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16 ).

I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)

I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3).

I have been justified (Romans 5:1)

I am God's co-worker ( 1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1).

I am God's workmanship(Eph. 2:10 )

I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil 1: 5)

I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14).

I have been adopted as God's child(Eph 1:5)

I belong to God Do you know who you are!?

Quote of the day: Chickens, pigs and goats

2007-11-02T06:05:00.000-07:00

"When you love someone, you love their chickens, pigs and goats"
-My auntie-from South Africa

I have a friend who has one of the most spoiled little girl doggies in the world! This dog has pedicures more regularly than I do! Her husband totally adores her dog. He even took the dog shopping for halloween costumes, had her try on different outfits, took pictures of them until he found one that my friend approved of. Now that is love! He loves her so much that he made the things that were important to her important to him.

Do you have any examples of your significant other loving your chickens, pigs and goats? Do share.

Putting some rain on notice

2007-11-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 6:12

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

Well whoever doesn’t think God has a sense of humor is DEAD WRONG. So in less than 4 hours after I posted the doggone quote of the day (about learning how to dance in the rain), it started “raining” (figuratively). Ain’t that a b! I have found that whenever I claim something, I get tested.
So this particular test involves this CRAZY female who I am now convinced is in love with me or obsessed with me or both. There comes a time in some relationships when it is time to part but some people just can’t seem to let go. Some people are not happy with going on and living their miserable lives without you. This particular individual seems to have taken it upon herself to make her mission in life finding new and creative ways to terrorize me.
By the off chance that YOU happen to ever read my blog: Leave me alone! Go on! Keep on waking! Move on! Live your own life, without me. Try to find peace because obviously you are a tortured soul. I can’t even be mad at you because you obviously have allowed yourself to be a conduit for Satan himself. The bible tells us to bless those that persecute us and so I send blessings to you. I pray for you and I truly hope that one day you too can find happiness. I pity you. You must be a tormented, miserable person to be willing to dedicate so much venom and energy into making another person’s life unhappy. You have tried to break me in so many different ways but guess what baby? God is my shield and my fortress and your efforts didn’t work. Do what you may but you will NEVER be able to steal my joy. Ha ha! Cuz guess what baby? I am learning how to dance through the storm! I know that in my heart of hearts, in matters concerning you ,I have chosen to take the higher road, I have acted in love when you confronted me with hate and God is on my side.

quote of the day: dancing in the rain

2007-10-31T14:31:00.000-07:00

I I love this quote. It is stolen from Tanyetta's quotation contest, I couldn't resist:

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain"
Author unknown

How true. This quote right here is the key to happiness. Life really sucks sometimes. You can choose to be down and broken or you can rise to the occasion and make the best of a bad situation. One of the laws of physics says that for every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction. A ying and a yang. I truly believe that we are supposed to learn lessons from every situation we go through and there is always a blessing in disguise. For example, from my cousin's tragic death, I was able to feel the love and support from my friends (thanks everyone). It also inspired me to take action on some level (that reminds me I need to e-mail someone regarding opportunities to work with AIDS groups in Swaziland). I digress but you get my point.
I think this quote embodies all that God wants from us. He wants us to trust him during the storms of life and rejoice any how. It is easy to say "Thank you Lord" when things are going well. What about when they are not? Do you trust in the divine goodness of God to work things out in your favor? Do you know how to dance in the rain?

Final grade

2007-10-31T12:23:00.000-07:00

I got a 98.5 as my final grade in my epidemiology class!

I can't tell my mama so I figure I would tell you.
It has been a while since I have seen numbers like that.

From Mr. J:

2007-10-31T12:20:00.000-07:00

You are a blessing from God!

Thx,
Mr J

(feel free to stop me when I get too nauseating)
Go 'head Mel, say something smart...

He asked me for my address today I hope that means something good is coming in the mail...

A Public service anouncement: One shot

2007-10-29T15:28:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been so angry with yourself that you cried? That is where I am right now. Sometimes in life we only get one shot and if we don't take advantage the opportunity will pass us by.
Me and time are not friends.
I am almost always late. So much so that I was awarded the "most likely to be late to her own funeral" superlative at my last school. A lot of times I am intentionally late. However, a lot of times I honestly mean to be on time but then get distracted. Either that or I fail to correctly assess how long it will take me to complete a series of tasks. In my public health school career there have been two major opportunities that have passed me by because I neglected to take note of the deadlines.
The first one, the most painful one, was an opportunity to apply for a fellowship that would have awarded me a FULL scholarship PLUS a $50k living allowance. I am still kicking myself in the butt for that one.
The second one, is what inspired this blog. I had applied to go on a class trip to Brazil in January. If anyone has ever spent a winter in Boston you understand why I really wanted to get away! I was very disappointed when I did not initially get accepted and ended up on the wait list. Guess what? Lo and behold I got an e-mail last week, during finals, offering me a spot. Dummy me was so excited that I neglected to note that in order to secure my spot I must give a deposit within two days...I thought I had a week. I missed the deadline to give the deposit. They gave away my spot, just like that. They actually did send me a reminder e-mail but since I was so busy with finals I didn't even read it until after the spot was gone. The next girl they offered it to, put down the deposit within three hours! Three hours! She must have had one of those crackberry devices. Humph! I went to the office this morning to beg and plead, to no avail. I contacted the course instructor to see if there was anything that could be done. He is going to look into it. In the meantime they gave me until Wednesday to decide if I want to go to Kerala, India instead. India vs Brazil? It's not quite the same huh? I am so disappointed and mad at myself.
My friend says that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe something bad would have happened had I gone or maybe a better opportunity will come along. I guess life is too short to dwell on "if only"s. Maybe I will start using my electronic organizer. Who am I kidding? Probably not. Sigh. However, I definitely won't let something like this happen again.
Please learn from my mistakes. Don't let a good opportunity pass you by. Sometimes in life you only get one shot.

Have you ever missed any important deadlines/opportunities? Please share. Misery loves company

From Mr J: i’m a sucka for some kind words

2007-10-29T14:55:00.000-07:00

In my inbox:

T,

I thank God daily for you.

Mr J

(I hope I am not nauseating anyone)

Please hold me accountable: USMLE

2007-10-29T05:23:00.000-07:00

I procrastinate.
It is easy to do. As a human being I don't like being uncomfortable.
I need to get a job.
I can't get a job until I take a licensing test, USMLE3
I need to take USMLE3
I keep putting off registering for it.
My dad gave me the $700 to register for it MONTHS ago and I need to register already.
I figure maybe if I put my business on the street and make a public anouncement it will help keep me accountable.
My goal is to register by the end of today. Please hold me accountable to that. If you don't hear anything, ask me if I have registered yet.
Thanks

UPDATE: 10/29/07 17:38
In an attempt to procrastinate for my paper due tomorrow (is there any help for me?), I actually started the registration process! I think you should get a pass just for figuring out how to register properly! It is soooo involved. I filled out the online application and paid my $700 (ouch--that's the price of a nice pair of jimmy choos plus dinner at my favorite restaurant, L'Espalier--education is over rated!). However, I am not done yet because I need to get one form notarized. I need to send another form to my old residency program for them to fill out. I need to attach a picture...sigh It's very complimacated. Hopefully the test will be easier. Two days of eight hours of pain per day then it will be all over. Lord he'p me!
If I don't say so myself I am proud of myself for finally getting the process started. This accountability thing actually worked.
Now I actually need to start working on my paper...sigh

UPDATE 10/30/07

Too busy scrambling to finish my paper yesterday...let's just say I won't be winning any pulitzers anytime soon...sigh. Have not been to the notary's yet. Still have to find a doggone picture. Y'all are supposed be holding me accountable!

quote of the day: success in life

2007-10-29T05:12:00.001-07:00

We succeed only as we identify in life, or in war, or in anything else, a single overriding objective, and make all other considerations bend to that one objective.
Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969), speech, April 2, 1957

Me and Mr J

2007-10-29T04:34:00.000-07:00

So Mr. J will come and visit me when I am in New York! I am sooo excited. I gotta get my hair did, my nails done etc etc. I am going to try to schedule a brunch with him my auntie and my cousin. I wish I had a huge, mean-looking, physically intimidating brother who could meet him too (no offense Yati). I think it is important for people to know that you have a family that is also affected by the way you treat their loved one. Sometimes I wish I lived back in the days when guys had to come to your house and meet your father on the first date. In the African culture dating is not about the dating of two individuals but rather the coming together of two families. There is a community that both of those individuals are responsible to. As Hilary Clinton says, "it takes a village..."
Mr. J has reiterated his Thanksgiving invitation. I think that I have decided that until we are at least dating exclusively I won't be making any cross country trips. The idea that I could fly to see him one day and then the next day he could potentially be with someone else, or flying someone else in, is just a little too much for me to handle.

It's over

2007-10-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

I broke up with Mr N. That is if you can actually break up with someone you have never even met. It pained me to do so. I liked him a lot but I could tell that he was starting to like me a little too much considering that I really like Mr. J. I told him that I was not emotionally available to give myself fully to a new relationship. My friends tell me not to put all my eggs in one basket and that I should date other people. However, I think it is unconscionable to lead someone on when you know that your heart is somewhere else. It’s such a shame because Mr N is such a great guy. He takes care of his family (ie mother and brothers); he has all the right bio data. He likes me. Sigh. In my heart of hearts I just feel that I need to see where this thing with Mr J is leading before I start getting involved with others. If it goes nowhere that is fine. I will dust off my shoulders and keep it moving but I just have to find out. I guess I am an all or nothing type of gal. Ah the choices we make in life.

I met... history in the making/ The power of Jabez

2007-10-27T08:48:00.000-07:00

I am so excited. I met...errr I mean...I shook hands with Senator Obama and Governor Deval! For those of you who don't know Governor Deval is not only the first Democratic Governor in the state of MA in 16 years but he is the first black governor of MA and only the second black governor in the history of the U.S.! Wow! Senator Obama is, of course, the first black man that actually has a shot at the presidency.
I have to say that Senator Obama's talk was truly inspirational. One of his messages was that change starts from the bottom up and that one person can make a difference. Never underestimate yourself. Don't look at the obstacles, just the opportunities.
If you had a magic wand and could change something what would it be? What are you doing to make changes now? If the answer is nothing, what is stopping you? Always think big. Really big. The prayer of Jabez is a good one to say:
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request." 1Chronicles 4:10
I mean who the heck was Jabez? Had you even heard of him before the book came out? I am sure a lot of people still have no idea who he is. Essentially, he wan' nobody BUT that didn't stop God from using him. He was also a godly man who trusted, had faith and God granted his request. Surely he will do the same for you. Try adding this prayer to your daily prayers that you say and see how God will move in your life. Trust that prayer can move mountains.

quote of the day: things I cannot understand

2007-10-26T06:28:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 30:18-19 (Contemporary English Version)
18There are three or four things
I cannot understand:
19How eagles fly so high
or snakes crawl on rocks,
how ships sail the ocean
or people fall in love.

Why can't I cut and paste men?!

2007-10-26T03:05:00.000-07:00

So I have a crush on Mr. J who lives in Florida and I want him to visit. I have also been getting to know Mr N who lives in MD. Mr N wants to visit and was willing to reschedule his Vegas trip to do so. I was impressed that he would pick me over Vegas. If I had some AZ spa trip planned I would NEVER cancel it to be with some random dude. Why can't Mr J start rearranging his plans to come visit? Argghh! I feel that it would be unethical to allow Mr N pay $600 for a weekend in Boston when I am secretly hoping that things with Mr J will work out.

What say ye? Should I explore my options? Should I let Mr N visit?

Blog steal: Words of wisdom from a man

2007-10-26T02:51:00.000-07:00

I found this blog at http://indianfriendfinder.com/blog/1986/post_20248.html
(who knew indian friend finder could be so informative?) This guy speaks the TRUTH! I just had to share this. It is basically everything you need to know about men in 60 seconds or less.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.Slower is better.Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.If a relationship ends because the man was nottreating you as you deserve then hell no,you can't "just be friends".A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing youalong, then he probably is.Don't stay because you think "it will get better."You'll be mad at yourself a year later for stayingwhen things are not better.Don't make plans around theirs, if they want to see you they will.The only person you can control in a relationship is you.Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by abunch of different women.He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,why would he treat you any differently?Always have your own set of friends separate from his.Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.If something bothers you, speak up.Never let a man know everything. He will use itagainst you later.You cannot change a man's behaviour. Changecomes from within.Don't EVER make him feel he is more importantthan you are... even if he has more educationor a better job.Do not make him into a god. He is a man,nothing more nothing less.Never let a man define who you are.Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheatedWITH you, he'll cheat ON you.A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW himto treat you.All men are NOT dogs.You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.You need time to heal between relationships.There is nothing cute about baggage.Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.You should never look for someone to COMPLETEyou...a relationship consists of two WHOLEindividuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to beMr.Right.Make him miss you sometimes...when a manalways knows where you are, and you're alwaysreadily available to him - he takes it for granted.Never move into his mother's house.Never co-sign for a man.Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give youeverything that you need.Keep him in your radar but get to know others.And finally: if you find love let it go...and if it comes back its yours to keep.Share this with other women... You'll makesomeone smile, another rethink her choices, andanother woman prepare.

quote of the day: on men

2007-10-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay..."
Sex in the city

Wisdom in the counsel of many: Love (I mean) Infatuation is blind. The epilogue

2007-10-25T15:13:00.000-07:00

I have learned a lot of lessons today:
1. I need to stop procrastinating (ok I knew that one already) LOL!
2. Just because something feels good does not mean it is a good idea.
3. There is wisdom in the counsel of many
So I was really excited about seeing Mr. J and I had pretty much told him I was coming (see "should I stay or should I go"). Now I am pretty sure that I could have gone and nothing really bad would have happened. Like I have said been there done that and could write a number of blogs about it. However, three different guys who I trust (and have zero interest in me) very strongly urged me not to go to Philly to meet Mr. J. Now some girls said the same thing too but I think certain things are more convincing when coming from the opposite sex. Of course there were a few people that told me to throw caution to the wind, pack my bags and go. Sure I am Ms. Independent, I can take care of myself in almost any situation. However, I have learned that when one person says something you can take it or leave it but when a number of people keep saying the same thing, they just might be on to something. The bible says there is wisdom in the counsel of many. This is only true if the people you are listening to are giving you good advice. Many well intentioned people can send you astray. When taking advice consider the advisor, is this someone you want to be like? Do you share similar beliefs and values? If the answer is "no" then keep it moving. It took me a while to figure out that single girlfriends are not the best people to ask for advice when it comes to guys (no offense intended). That is not to say that they cannot give good advice, it is just that if my happily married friend says "A" and my can't-keep-a-man girlfriend says "B", I am going with "A".
I have also learned that when the heart is going "tick tick tick" it is hard to think straight. That is when it is time to listen to your wise friends. So while I really wanted to go to Philly I took pause when the people who care for me told me to let him visit me. Talking to Philip tonight (remember him from "is love obsolete") helped me appreciate my value. He also helped me appreciate the value in guarding my heart. The bible tells us "above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life" Proverbs 4:23. As an aside, Proverbs is a very informative book!
So I told Mr. J I wasn't coming. He was disappointed and really didn't understand why. He tried to tell me about how safe he was. I explained to him that wasn't the issue. Amongst many other things I quoted the verse about "when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing," and not "when a woman chases a man around the country." He told me he understood and would work with me. He then talked about how he had been away from home on business over the last 8 weekends and was scheduled to be away on business for the next three weekends. He told me about how he was trying to sell his house but needed to make some renovations that he had not been able to do. Essentially he was implying that it would be a long time before he could come to visit. However I am sure that where there is a will there is a way and if he really wants to see me he will find a way to make it happen. On the other hand if he is the type of guy who only wants to see me when it is easy and convenient for him. Then I don't really need to be bothered. I am not easy and I need a man that is willing to put in some work to be with me. (The last sentence was especially for you Phillip-LOL!)

Quotes of the day: wisdom

2007-10-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 12:1
Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but one who hates correction is stupid.
Proverbs 15:15
14 A discerning mind seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.
Proverbs 15:22
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed

Public service announcement: God is GOOD!

2007-10-25T15:11:00.000-07:00

Last week in our bible study a girl asked, "When you pray, how do you know when you are hearing from God? How do you know it is not just the little voice in your head telling you what you want to hear?"
One of my responses to her was that when God speaks to you a lot of times he will confirm it over and over. And this is so true! Not only did I blog about my dilemma, I prayed about it and God answered me loud and clear! Praise God. He is so good. My number one love and protector of my heart.
Is there a decision you are struggling with? Try praying. God will answer!

Should I stay or should I go? Playing by the rules

2007-10-25T15:06:00.000-07:00

Last night Mr J (the tick tick of the heart Mr J) and I had our first phone date at 10:30pm. Now anyone who has known me for long enough and has tried to call me after 10pm, knows that there is a very high probability that I will fall asleep during that conversation. Surprisingly enough I stayed awake which is a small miracle in and of itself. I ended up suggesting a phone date because he and I are both very busy people. We play phone tag a lot and half of the time we talk when he is running to that activity or I am running to this event. So we scheduled some time to talk where we could give each other undivided attention. Our conversation was good and went way over our allotted time. Just as we were getting off the phone he brings up a touchy subject, the issue of me visiting him.
Mr J asked me to visit him in Jacksonville, where he lives, this weekend. I strongly felt that I did not know him well enough and that it was too soon to be flying halfway across the country to go meet up with him. Now I have flown across the country and the world before to meet total strangers, with proper precautions in place. Nothing bad per se has ever happened. However if you have a bad date in your home town you can always leave the restaurant and event and go straight home. When you are in another city you have to think about things like change of flight fees and getting to the airport. You are more likely to give a person a chance to redeem themselves.
He then told me he would be in Philly for business for the next two weekends after that. He asked me to join him there. If I went he would pay for my way there and my hotel room. While excited about the prospect of seeing him my first instinct was to say "no." There were many cons: I haven't known him for very long; I did not know him very well; I didn't want to appear desperate or easy; and the guy is supposed to come to the girl. So we had a long talk about it yesterday. He could sense that I was reluctant and wanted to figure out why. He wanted to figure out if there was anything he could do to relieve any of my worries or fears. He just wanted to have a second date with me and he was trying to find a way to make that happen. He works a lot on weekends in different cities. So the next time he would be able to come to Boston would possibly be four weeks from now. He talked about "the dating rules" that are unstated but everyone knows (well sort of) ex. rule 131: the guy should always go to the girl. He said that we could either choose to live by the traditional rules or we could make our own rules up as we go along. He pointed out that being in a long distance relationship we have some unique challenges that we will have to find solutions for. He concluded the conversation by saying that he would never want me to do anything that would make me feel uncomfortable and that if I needed him to visit me again in order to do that or if I needed more time he was willing to comply.
After talking to him I feel pretty confident that we can set pretty clear expectations of what will or will not happen. I will have my own room and I can always hop on a plane back home or hang out with my friends in the area. I am seriously considering going to Philly. He also asked me to have Thanksgiving with him. We will cross that bridge when we get to it…
So what do you guys think? Should I stay or should I go? Afterall it is the city of brotherly love.

Why I say hello to the homeless

2007-10-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

I moved from Georgia to Boston. In Georgia everyone talks to strangers, everyone says “hello.” In Boston no one talks to anyone except the old homeless guys on the street. It is sad to say that they actually friendlier than most of my professors. LOL! Every morning I pass a few homeless guys on my way to school. If they talk to me, as long as they are respectful, I always respond. The conversation usually goes like this:

Homeless Old Guy: How are you doing today
Me: Fine
Homeless Old Guy: That’s right you sho’ is fine! (chuckle)
Me: (chuckle chuckle as I keep walking to school)

I know some of my friends think I am weird for talking to them. However, the way I feel is that it is pretty bad to lose your home, it is probably worse to lose your family but I think the worse thing that we can lose is our humanity. All day long people walk by homeless people on the street. They don’t make eye contact. They don’t speak to them. People essentially act like the homeless guys on the street are invisible, like they don’t even exist. You never know when something like a smile or a simple “hello” will brighten someone’s day. I am reminded of this verse:

Matthew 25:40
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Next time you see someone homeless give them a smile, an encouraging word, a sandwich or a dollar. You never know when your small showing of love will make a difference in someone’s life.

Becoming the man I always wanted

2007-10-23T11:09:00.000-07:00

I just bought myself the most lovely flowers the other day, gorgeous lilies with some purple filler and perfectly arranged greenery. Looking at my flowers makes me happy.
Once upon a time I believed in fairytales. I believed in knights in shining armor and princes on white horses. I believed that by age 23 surely this knight would have come and swept me off my feet. I thought I would never have to do certain things like fix a tire, mow the lawn, invest money, visit a romantic destination alone or buy myself flowers or a diamond ring. Then reality happened. I realized that I had to become a self-sufficient, independent, throw-your-hands-up-at me, kind of woman. I bought books on investing, listened to shows. I know how to change a flat and I am learning about the different parts of my car. I can mow a lawn. I have been on a solo vacation and enjoy spoiling myself with special presents like flowers and jewelry. I am glad that I have. I have heard of too many middle-aged/elderly women who lose their husbands and then don't know how to take care of themselves because someone else was always doing things for them. These are women who don't even know which side there gas tank is on. Now I am not saying that there were not many snowy or rainy days when I wished I had the kind of man that would keep my tank filled because I certainly have. However, I do take comfort in knowing that if anything were to ever happen to my (future) husband, he would not have to worry about my ability to hold down the fort.
Also, I figure that if I treat myself well then when I finally meet my dear husband he will have to step up to the plate to keep me in the lifestyle I have become accustomed to. In the meantime I will continue to be good to myself. I will continue to buy myself flowers when I am having a bad day. I will continue to be the man that I always wanted until he comes along and assumes the role.
What was the last nice thing you did for yourself? Is there anything that you would like to do but you are waiting for a man to do it with/for you?

I got run over by a bicycle

2007-10-22T04:47:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night the girls and I got together at my friend K’s apartment to watch the Red sox game. The cool thing about watching the game at her house is that she lives right next to Fenway stadium so we can actually hear the crowd cheering from the stadium. Evidently ever since the Janet Jackson “wardrobe malfunction” there is about a ten second delay between the live feed and what is broadcast. This essentially meant that we could always tell when something good was about to happen in the game because the crowd would start cheering before we saw it on tv. Too fun! K is in the process of creating this fabulous drink called the K-tini made with this liquor called St. Germaine. Soo good! As good friends of K we felt it was our duty to sample her new concoction to make sure she got it just right. Needless to say, driving home was not an option…
So after the game we all go downstairs to wait for the cab that we called. Impatient me decided that the cab company was taking too long and I was going to hail a cab. The first empty cab I saw was intercepted by these drunk giggly girls half a block down the street. With the giggle girls out of the picture I just knew I was catching the next cab. A few minutes later I see another cab coming. So I step out onto the street to hail a cab and next thing I knew WHOMP! OUCH! Oooooouch! I was in pain but didn’t know why. It turns out that this bicyclist came out of nowhere and nailed me. I got run over by a bicycle! LOL! I stumbled into the street in front of the on coming cab. Fortunately the cab saw the whole scene and stopped before he ran me over. My friend S later explained to me that the cyclist was riding in the opposite direction of traffic which is why I never looked for him. I mean who the heck looks in the opposite direction of traffic at one in the morning for stupid bicycles?! Anyway to add insult to injury, while I am still holding my knee and groaning in pain these stupid drunk boys TRIED TO STEAL MY CAB! Unbelievable! After I had just gotten hit trying to hail it. I DON’T THINK SO! Or as my brother used to say when he was young, ‘H-E, double hockey stick’ NO. I yelled, “you have got to be kidding me!” and stumbled over to the cab, pushed them out of the way and got in. Do you know these foolio’s had the nerve to ask me to call them a cab. After they just tried to steal my cab that I got hit by a bicycle trying to hail, they wanted me to call them a cab! They were total strangers. Unbelievable! I just busted out laughing in disbelief. BWAAAAH! RFOL!
I was worried that the next day, after the anesthetic effects of the alcohol had worn off, I would be really sore but I was ok. So no permanent damage. Thank God.

Here is a story about someone who wasn't so lucky:

http://au.news.yahoo.com/060829/23/10bsx.html (bicycle kills pedestrian)

Have you ever been in any stupid or whacky accidents?

A loved one lost: A cautionary tale

2007-10-22T03:51:00.000-07:00

This morning I am heartbroken. This morning my step dad in South Africa called. We are not close but we certainly have a good working relationship. He is looking for my dad, who is also in South Africa. He hasn’t been able to get in touch with him (typical) and wanted to know if he is out of the country. He then proceeds to talk to me about his life since we last spoke…he has been in the hospital…high blood pressure…new job contract…blah blah blah. I tell him to exercise and eat right…blah blah blah. Just as we are about to get off the phone after a pleasant conversation he drops a bomb on me. “Did you hear that L died?” I was stunned. L was (I can’t believe I am using past tense) she was my cousin who I grew up with in Swaziland. She was younger than me but older than my brother so she must have been in her mid twenties. A thousand things are running through my mind: I can’t believe it! How? What? When? Why? Did she ever make up with her mom?
She died in March of this year. No one told me. She was afflicted by the same disease that affects 1 in 3 people in the small country of Swaziland. She died of AIDS. Most likely through heterosexual sex. No one knew she had it until two weeks before she died. There are many tragic things about this story:
1. In the United States AIDS has become more of chronic disease where people live for years and years with the virus if it is detected early enough. It does not have to be a death sentence.
2. My father successfully treats patients with AIDS in South Africa. If we had known he very easily could have treated her. It would have been his pleasure to do so.
3. There are so many resources available but she just did not have access to them
4. She was so young and full of potential. Now she is just another victim of a tragic epidemic.
I can’t imagine how I would feel if one bad decision made in my twenties led to a death sentence. It is really only by the grace of God that I live. The last time I saw my cousin, about two years ago, she was not talking to her mother. I urged her to reconcile with her mother. After losing my own mother I realized the importance of not holding grudges, forgiveness and appreciating each day that we are given with the ones we love. Tomorrow might never come. After hearing about cousin L, I really hoped that she had resolved things with her mom before she passed. It is always hard to lose a loved one but even harder when there are issues left unresolved. I called my auntie hoping that my stepfather had somehow misunderstood, that it was all some horrible mistake. It wasn’t. Cousin L really died. She is really dead. Wow. Just writing those words brings tears to my eyes. I was happy to learn that before she died she had reunited with her mother. Her mother had forgiven her over a year before her death and then reiterated her forgiveness on her death bed. Hearing her mother tell her for the last time that she loved her and forgave her, gave her the peace that she needed and she died almost immediately afterwards.
It is so hard to be away from family. Whereas they had a funeral and each other to comfort themselves during a hard time, I have to process this information alone. I have no funeral or gravestone where I can go to mourn and pay my respects. Instead I have to find a way to mourn for myself, by myself without the support of family who are feeling the same loss. What do I do with my tears? This is hard.
There are many things that we can learn from cousin L. I wish I could have shared these things with her but maybe this can benefit someone else:
1. AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are for real.
2. Please please please protect yourself. I know too many people who are too ready to discard the condoms because “she is a nice girl” or “we are in a committed relationship”. PULEEEEZ. So even though all day every day you see MARRIED men and women cheating on each other, people who have committed before their friends, families and God to be faithful, you think your little BOYFRIEND won’t cheat. Why? Because he loves you? Come on now. I am not saying that everyone out there is cheating but everyone out there can cheat and you owe it to yourself to protect yourself at least until he puts a ring on your finger and walks you down the aisle. If I thought it would make a difference I would start preaching the value of abstaining but it probably won’t, so I won’t even go there. Just remember my cousin who lost her life over some b.s. It doesn’t even have to be AIDS. Herpes lasts a lifetime and HPV can cause cancer, chlamydia is associated with infertility, syphilis can reek have in your body for decades.
3. Get yourself tested. It is really scary to do it. Even when you think there is no way you could have it. Trust me, I have been there. However, it is so much better to know sooner rather than later. Many STD’s can be treated. Many people with HIV have productive lives, get married, and even have children. There are so many drugs out there that will only be effective if taken before the point of no return. There are anonymous testing centers all over the place. Many people will have no symptoms of STD’s and not even realize they have a disease until it is has already done damage. Make an appointment today. Make sure to ask for the common tests ie gonorrhea, chlamydia as well as the less commonly offered tests like hepatitis B, HIV, syphillis. Herpes is usually diagnosed clinically but there are blood tests available if you are particularly concerned.
4. If you are positive get help there are so many resources out there.
5. Get your partner tested for all STD’s and ask for proof. One thing I have learned is that there are many men who will lie to get into some panties. Don’t just ask if a guy/girl has gotten tested. Ask for documentation. And remember that it can take up to six months for an AIDS test to become positive.
6. If you have any squabbles or grudges with any of your family members or friends please reconcile, forgive and love. No one knows how long we have on earth.
7. Take time to show and tell all the people that you love that they are special to you.
Please don’t let cousin L’s death be in vain.
Thanks for taking time out to read this. Be blessed.
Lady Tee

Wine review: a good riesling

2007-10-21T09:35:00.001-07:00

Varietal: Riesling
Year: 2004
Brand: Wwe.Dr.Thanisch
Country: Germany
Price: less than $20
Grade: A

This wine is soo delightful! It is a sweet wine with a full fruit flavor of apricots, peaches with a nice finish. It goes well with desserts. The label says it also goes with poultry, seafood and light meat. It might be a little too sweet for that but I guess it depends on your tastes. The bottle was a present from my friend Voce who used to work at a wine store. THANK YOU voce. I love love love it!
You can purchase it online at the following websites:
http://www.blogger.com/'http://www.garnetwine.com/sku001689.html ($14.99)
or
http://www.winechateau.com/vsku1248947.html ($17.99)

Did you just call my man?!

2007-10-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

I have a really good friend who I have known for almost ten years now. He is one of the few people that I know I can call when life is going to hell in a hand basket and he will know all the right things to say. We were roommates for over a year and I know him very well. He is such a sweet and good guy and would never do anyone any harm and he would never cheat on anyone. I know that you are never supposed to say never but he really just isn’t that type. He is not impressed by looks or money and he has turned down lots of sex in his day.
The sad part is that he is now dating this super psycho…um…I mean insecure chick. She is one of these chicks that believes that every man cheats so you have to monitor his every move, every second of the day. Now he has told me about some of her psychotic tendencies in the past and I felt bad that he had to be in that type of relationship but he chose it for himself. Now I was ok with his choice of girlfriend that is… until it affected me. Sigh. So I call this dude to boo hoo about some bad news I received. I called him at 11:00am, a respectable hour. He didn’t pick up the phone. Next thing I know I am getting this “did someone from this number call my man?” Oh boy! I am already in an emotionally fragile state so I am not the one you want to be having this conversation with. If you are having issues with your man you need to talk to him about it not me! I managed to remain cordial and quickly got off the phone with her. Geevus! He calls me back a few minutes later. Our conversation seems a bit awkward and clumsy. He is not his usually happy-go-luck self. I know something is up. I ask if I am on speaker phone, he says no. I ask if his chick is hovering above him. Ding! Bullseye! I ask him to call me when he is alone. Just in case you are wondering I am not the girl who calls at all hours of the night. I am not the girl that calls frequently, maybe once every other month. I have never met psycho chick because they live in a part of the country that I have no desire to ever visit. I also haven’t seen my friends in about 5 years so the probability of us having some torrid affair is…zero.
My public service announcement for the day: Ladies if you feel like you can’t trust your boyfriend then maybe you don’t need to be with him! Constantly hurling accusations at him, monitoring his every move, rifling through his garbage, calling back phone numbers and stalking him…all of that is CRAZY behavior. Now I am not saying there is not a proper place and time for some good private eye investigation. There might be a time when your man is exhibiting some shady behavior and you just want to know for sure if what you suspect is true then make yourself happy. Personally, I feel like if I have to resort to stalking you I don’t need to be with you. Period. On the other hand, if you have a man who comes home straight from work, is not out in the street at all hours of the night and is always open and accessible to you, please don’t mess that up by letting your issues from the past loser cruisers you have dealt with mess up a potentially good relationship with a good man. Give the man a break! If you keep accusing him and looking for him to cheat, you might just drive him to it. Be careful what you wish for. Also, if you see my name on your man’s caller id, don’t call me back. If you do I will try my best to be nice to you but if you catch me on the wrong day I might have to tell you about your self and how I was there before you, will be there after you, how his momma don’t really like you and how you need to find your self a good therapist cuz you’re crazy, psycho, insecure. Consider this a public service announcement. Ding! You are free to move about the country.

Have you ever acted crazy because of a man/woman? What did you do? Would you do it again?

quote of the day: delicious ambiguity

2007-10-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.

Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989

The Heart break of "Heartbreak Kid"

2007-10-20T07:40:00.000-07:00

Grade: C
I went to see the movie "Heartbreak Kid" with Ben Stiller yesterday. It was supposed to be a light, entertaining romantic comedy, instead it made me want to vomit. Real life doesn't always happen the way we want it to, good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. However, the movies are the one place where we can look for happy endings. The good guy gets the girl and the bad guy gets his due. This is not the case in this movie. The basic premise of the movie is that Ben Stiller is this guy who will never commit. After going to his ex-girlfriend's wedding he realizes that maybe he should have committed to her. So he marries the next girl who comes along after knowing her for six weeks. Needless to say there were a lot of things that he did not realize about her. Granted she is a bit kooky but the girl really was not that bad. So what does he do? He starts cheating on her during their HONEYMOON. How slimy is that?! That is a total loser-cruiser move! I am mad just thinking about it! His wife is in their room trying to recover from a really bad sunburn and he is chasing after some other chick. If I was in charge I would have his character hung and skinned. As you can tell, I have no tolerance for liars and cheaters. In the movie his character has much better luck. I feel like the movie almost condones his behavior. The message it sends out is that it is ok to cheat if you feel like you married the wrong person. Now I have never been married but I am sure there comes a time in every marriage where you question whether or not you married the right person. If your solution is to start chasing after some other chick/dude, you will be in big trouble.
About half-way through the movie I was seriously debating on if I should leave the movie theater but I had the same feeling I have when I drive by a bad accident (ie. I know I shouldn't look but I do anyway). So I stayed until the end. Initially I was feeling like I had totally wasted 2 hours of my life until it dawned on me. There was something that I could learn from this movie. I recently met this guy who I am quite fond of. He invited me to come and visit him in Jacksonville, Florida but I declined because I thought that it was too soon. We are currently in that 'getting to know you better' stage. In my head I was secretly wishing that we could accelerate our relationship to the 'boyfriend-girlfriend' stage. I really like having a (great) boyfriend. The one thing that the movie taught me is that "you can't hurry love." When you try to move too quickly in a relationship you will most likely crash and burn. I have a bad habit of meeting guys with the right 'bio-data' who I get along well with and then thinking that they are "the one." I have promised myself that I am not going to do this anymore and the real "one" will have to bash me over the head with two carats before I assume he is the one. In the meantime I will be living life to the fullest and enjoying the friendships I make along the way.

Have you seen the movie? What did you think? Have you ever moved too quickly in a relationship?

Key:
A- a must see. drop everything run and see it now
B- a decent effort, nothing will be lost if you wait for the video
C-Only watch it if you are into self torture, mutilation or other such hobbies

my secret habit

2007-10-13T13:05:00.000-07:00

I started off reading my friend's blogs and commenting. Then I started reading strangers blogs. Then I started blogging on myspace but that still wasn't enough. I needed my own blog page and so here I am.