There is a whole genre of christian dating books. Their target audience is usually in their late teens, early twenties, white, living close to their families. Basically an audience that I can't relate to. "I kissed dating goodbye" is one of the books in this genre. The author is, of course, white. He married his God-sent, blond beauty by the age of twenty-five or so and basically can't relate to the experience of being a thirty-something, potentially threatening, black female in a society that is constantly throwing statistics at you about the scarcity of good black men. So I take what he says with a grain of salt.
I read "I kissed dating goodbye" many years ago. I can't remeber any details from the book. All I remember is: 1) feeling like I couldn't relate to the author; and 2) that the point of the book is that the author stopped dating and started courting with the purpose of marriage in mind...or something along those lines.
Lately, I have been really yearning to change Mr J. I wish, oh how I wish, I could make him love me...but as the old song says "...I can't make you love me if you don't..." lately I have been thinking about the whole idea of change and what motivates people to change. I decided that people only change at the point when it becomes too uncomfortable to keep the status quo. I think that is a point that is worth repeating: people only change at the point when it becomes too uncomfortable to keep the status quo
That being said, dating has become altogether too painful for me. They way I have been doing things 1. Is not working; 2. Is resulting in too much (unnecessary) pain. It is time for a change. My dating life must evolve. When I was young(er) my dating life revolved around finding Mr. Right Now. He didn't have to be husband or father material as long as we had fun together and he treated me well. Then I got a little older and people around me started getting married and I decided to make my dating more purposeful, the search for Mr Right Forever was on. I started analyzing credit reports, perspectives on child rearing, marriage philosophies, spiritual convictions--the kind of stuff that is important if you are planning on living happily ever after. However, this strategy has resulted in quite a bit of pain. Now I am ready to move on to the next phase.
This next phase I will call, "Kissing dating goodbye/ Letting go and letting God." I believe in friendship and I certainly believe in marriage but I think I have lost my faith in dating. I think it is time to cut the middle man out. With all the intelligence that I have I tried to strategically create a scenario that would inevitably lead to happily ever after but it failed miserably. I found a man with all the things on my proverbial list:
God loving
A gentleman
Tall
Dark
Handsome
Loves kids
Wants to be married
Loves his mama
Good credit
Good job
In shape
So many interests in common
Supportive of my career
Sends flowers
Calls regularly
Awesome family
Never married
No kids
Well educated
...the list goes on...
Paradoxically, despite the fact that he was all those things and overall a wonderful person the relationship was still pretty much a disaster. Well dang!!! With all of my intellectual abilities I certainly thought that this would be a match made in heaven. I was wrong. I now realize where I went wrong. I relied on my own intelligence and not on God. In my eagerness to find Mr. Right I did not stop to consult God, I charged fully ahead...to meet a disastrous end. Even now as I am stranded in Houston as a direct result of this debaucle of a relationship that I have gotten myself into, I am mad at myself for not waiting on the Lord. Hindsight is always 20/20 and thank goodness we serve a merciful God who is merciful despite ourselves.
The bible says:
Isaiah 55:8-9
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Proverbs 3:5
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
1 Corithians 2:9
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him
Ephesians 3:20
20Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
Psalm 37:4
4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
This leads me to a few conclusions. It has taken me a while to recognize this...hold your breath this is going to be deep (sigh):
1. God is smarter than me
2. God's ways are better than my ways
3.God, the creator of the universe, might actually be better than me at identifying the perfect mate for me.
4. Only he can give me more than I ever thought or imagined. He can give me things that I want that I never even realized I wanted (that's deep)
5. If I am patient and I trust him, he will give me the desires of my heart
Why has it taken so long for me to come to this realization?!!! I guess there is no point in asking why, it is better to thank God for having the realization at all. From this day on I am believing in God for my husband, a God-fearing man of faith, who loves me with all his heart mind and soul who loves me as Christ loves the church. That is the kind of husband God wants me to have (ephesians 5:25-7). To settle for anything else would be settling for less than God's best.
When this man comes into my life God will let me know that he is "the one." God will also let the guy know that "I am the one." I will not be so eager to jump into a relationship. I will be patient. I will use self-restraint. I will wait on God to tell me to move forward. I will pray about the relationship...and actually be willing to listen to what God says.
On this day, March 14 2008, I too am kissing dating goodbye. I am letting go and letting God. I am abandoning my search for Mr Right and waiting on Mr. God Sent. I am learning to be patient.
I read "I kissed dating goodbye" many years ago. I can't remeber any details from the book. All I remember is: 1) feeling like I couldn't relate to the author; and 2) that the point of the book is that the author stopped dating and started courting with the purpose of marriage in mind...or something along those lines.
Lately, I have been really yearning to change Mr J. I wish, oh how I wish, I could make him love me...but as the old song says "...I can't make you love me if you don't..." lately I have been thinking about the whole idea of change and what motivates people to change. I decided that people only change at the point when it becomes too uncomfortable to keep the status quo. I think that is a point that is worth repeating: people only change at the point when it becomes too uncomfortable to keep the status quo
That being said, dating has become altogether too painful for me. They way I have been doing things 1. Is not working; 2. Is resulting in too much (unnecessary) pain. It is time for a change. My dating life must evolve. When I was young(er) my dating life revolved around finding Mr. Right Now. He didn't have to be husband or father material as long as we had fun together and he treated me well. Then I got a little older and people around me started getting married and I decided to make my dating more purposeful, the search for Mr Right Forever was on. I started analyzing credit reports, perspectives on child rearing, marriage philosophies, spiritual convictions--the kind of stuff that is important if you are planning on living happily ever after. However, this strategy has resulted in quite a bit of pain. Now I am ready to move on to the next phase.
This next phase I will call, "Kissing dating goodbye/ Letting go and letting God." I believe in friendship and I certainly believe in marriage but I think I have lost my faith in dating. I think it is time to cut the middle man out. With all the intelligence that I have I tried to strategically create a scenario that would inevitably lead to happily ever after but it failed miserably. I found a man with all the things on my proverbial list:
God loving
A gentleman
Tall
Dark
Handsome
Loves kids
Wants to be married
Loves his mama
Good credit
Good job
In shape
So many interests in common
Supportive of my career
Sends flowers
Calls regularly
Awesome family
Never married
No kids
Well educated
...the list goes on...
Paradoxically, despite the fact that he was all those things and overall a wonderful person the relationship was still pretty much a disaster. Well dang!!! With all of my intellectual abilities I certainly thought that this would be a match made in heaven. I was wrong. I now realize where I went wrong. I relied on my own intelligence and not on God. In my eagerness to find Mr. Right I did not stop to consult God, I charged fully ahead...to meet a disastrous end. Even now as I am stranded in Houston as a direct result of this debaucle of a relationship that I have gotten myself into, I am mad at myself for not waiting on the Lord. Hindsight is always 20/20 and thank goodness we serve a merciful God who is merciful despite ourselves.
The bible says:
Isaiah 55:8-9
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Proverbs 3:5
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
1 Corithians 2:9
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him
Ephesians 3:20
20Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
Psalm 37:4
4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
This leads me to a few conclusions. It has taken me a while to recognize this...hold your breath this is going to be deep (sigh):
1. God is smarter than me
2. God's ways are better than my ways
3.God, the creator of the universe, might actually be better than me at identifying the perfect mate for me.
4. Only he can give me more than I ever thought or imagined. He can give me things that I want that I never even realized I wanted (that's deep)
5. If I am patient and I trust him, he will give me the desires of my heart
Why has it taken so long for me to come to this realization?!!! I guess there is no point in asking why, it is better to thank God for having the realization at all. From this day on I am believing in God for my husband, a God-fearing man of faith, who loves me with all his heart mind and soul who loves me as Christ loves the church. That is the kind of husband God wants me to have (ephesians 5:25-7). To settle for anything else would be settling for less than God's best.
When this man comes into my life God will let me know that he is "the one." God will also let the guy know that "I am the one." I will not be so eager to jump into a relationship. I will be patient. I will use self-restraint. I will wait on God to tell me to move forward. I will pray about the relationship...and actually be willing to listen to what God says.
On this day, March 14 2008, I too am kissing dating goodbye. I am letting go and letting God. I am abandoning my search for Mr Right and waiting on Mr. God Sent. I am learning to be patient.
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