Those of us with rescuer personalities always want to save people from themselves. Sometimes the only way we can truly help a person is by letting them go, refusing to enable their dysfunction.
When people are not loving us in the way that we need and deserve to be loved the only way to love ourselves is by letting go.
Don't ever let anyone make you feel that you are not good enough. If you need to be reminded of your TRUE identity (according to the most high God) please read my blog entitled "do you know who I am"
Because I love myself and I also love Mr. J I realized that the only solution was to let him go. We always make people better for the next woman. Hopefully in relationships we learn the lessons we need to and use them to make our next relationship even better. I do. I hope Mr J does too. I doubt it though, he is a little too high on himself to think that he might actually learn something from me...idiot
Anyhow the following is the letter that I wrote him to end our jacked up relationship:
Subject: You deserve to be, God wants you to be and I want you to be ridiculously happy
E-mail body:
To My Dearest Mr J,
Thank you so much for your time on the phone today. I think we started off pretty well...I am sorry about how it ended. I had really hoped that things would end with us on a better note. Oh well...
I think that you were right, relationships shouldn't be so stressful or difficult...especially in the beginning.
I think the reason why we were having so much difficulty is because we kept trying to force something that didn't fit. As much as you love me and as much as I love you and as much fun as we have when we are together, we don't fit. We look good in theory but in reality we don't work. At first I was in denial but then I had to face the truth. You deserve to be with someone who you are absolutely crazy about, who you think is the best thing since sliced bread. You deserve to be with someone who already has those qualities that are most important to you in a mate. You also deserve to be with someone who is equally as crazy about you. I am more than confident that you will find that woman and with her you will be ridiculously happy and feel fulfilled.
I deserve those things too. The truth is that you are a flawed but fantastic guy and am an imperfect but wonderful girl and we need to be with people who really appreciates us for who we are and aren't particularly bothered by our flaws. The reality is that my flaws bother you...a lot and your flaws bother me a lot. We are clearly not right for each other. We do not make each other happy. I think the hardest part is that we each see the other's potential and I think that we both understand that if circumstances were a little different we could be phenomenal together. I truly believe that we could potentially be phenomenal together but right now we are clearly not phenomenal. These hours we spend fighting on the phone are sooooo not phenomenal! (I know you agree with that! LOL!).
Being the hopeless romantic that I am I will hold on to the dream that maybe one day in another place at another time we will meet again and perhaps then I will be the woman that you really want and need and you will be that man for me. While I recognize that may never happen a girl can always dream...
I thank you for all the things you have taught me about life. I feel that in knowing you I have become a better person. I plan to continue to use those lessons that you have taught me to be the best me that I can be. I truly believe that God put you in my life for a season and a reason. I thank Him for you and I have no regrets.
One last thought, God loves us so much, so much. The bible tells us to delight ourselves in Him and He will give us the desires of our heart. In Matthew 7 he tells us to ask and we shall receive and then goes on to say that, "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?" God is fully capable of giving us exactly what we want. If you want a woman who doesn't come across to you or anyone else as arrogant or elitist, He will give you a woman who doesn't come across that way. She will be that way when you first meet her, you won't have to help her become that way. When the right one comes we won't have to feel like we are settling. We won't have to feel like we need to change him or her to tweak them into the right person for us, it will just be right and easy. It will just simply fit without a lot of effort. That is certainly not to say that person will be perfect but they will be perfect for us. God loves us enough to give us exactly what we want. Just like how God loves me soooooooo much to give me the exact type of tea that I want on a day that I was feeling blue (I think I told you that story). God knows that I love presents and despite all he has already done for me he saw it fit to miraculously deliver my favorite type of tea in the world, on a day that I really needed to feel his love. That is the kind of God he is!!! Thinking about that BLOWS ME AWAY--seriously. I mean the God that created the heavens and earth cares that much about me to care about the most mundane details of my life.
Certainly if he can find a way to bring the right tea to me from across the seas, he can certainly do that with a man (or a woman for you). I am sorry I think I am preaching to myself. LOL! (writing is very therapeutic for me)
I understand that right now we probably need time and space to heal. I know that you said that you have no desire to be friends with me but please know that you will always have a special place in my heart and will always be in my prayers. Should you ever change your mind and decide that you wouldn't mind being aquaintances or friends my door is always open. If in the future you happen to be in Boston or DC and want to get together for coffee or lunch just let me know.
I am sure you are probably tired of e-mails from me by now. Thank you for reading this one. I promise not to harrass you, don't worry.
I love you Mr J. I always will. I love you enough to want you to be ridiculously happy with the love of your life. I want you to be with someone who, as far as you are concerned makes you feel like the luckiest guy in the world, the luckiest. Sometimes loving someone enough means letting them go. In my heart of hearts I believe that as much as I hate to, I believe that I need to let you go. So go and be happy and please don't ever settle for second best.
Lady Tee
_________________________________________________________
The epilogue:
It turns out that Mr J is a total idiot and when things don't go his way he acts like a real jerk. He has made it abundantly clear that he does not know how to be a friend or show basic human decency towards me. Consequently, my offer for friendship has been rescinded. Frankly, I need friends like him about as much as I need bullet in my head.
When people are not loving us in the way that we need and deserve to be loved the only way to love ourselves is by letting go.
Don't ever let anyone make you feel that you are not good enough. If you need to be reminded of your TRUE identity (according to the most high God) please read my blog entitled "do you know who I am"
Because I love myself and I also love Mr. J I realized that the only solution was to let him go. We always make people better for the next woman. Hopefully in relationships we learn the lessons we need to and use them to make our next relationship even better. I do. I hope Mr J does too. I doubt it though, he is a little too high on himself to think that he might actually learn something from me...idiot
Anyhow the following is the letter that I wrote him to end our jacked up relationship:
Subject: You deserve to be, God wants you to be and I want you to be ridiculously happy
E-mail body:
To My Dearest Mr J,
Thank you so much for your time on the phone today. I think we started off pretty well...I am sorry about how it ended. I had really hoped that things would end with us on a better note. Oh well...
I think that you were right, relationships shouldn't be so stressful or difficult...especially in the beginning.
I think the reason why we were having so much difficulty is because we kept trying to force something that didn't fit. As much as you love me and as much as I love you and as much fun as we have when we are together, we don't fit. We look good in theory but in reality we don't work. At first I was in denial but then I had to face the truth. You deserve to be with someone who you are absolutely crazy about, who you think is the best thing since sliced bread. You deserve to be with someone who already has those qualities that are most important to you in a mate. You also deserve to be with someone who is equally as crazy about you. I am more than confident that you will find that woman and with her you will be ridiculously happy and feel fulfilled.
I deserve those things too. The truth is that you are a flawed but fantastic guy and am an imperfect but wonderful girl and we need to be with people who really appreciates us for who we are and aren't particularly bothered by our flaws. The reality is that my flaws bother you...a lot and your flaws bother me a lot. We are clearly not right for each other. We do not make each other happy. I think the hardest part is that we each see the other's potential and I think that we both understand that if circumstances were a little different we could be phenomenal together. I truly believe that we could potentially be phenomenal together but right now we are clearly not phenomenal. These hours we spend fighting on the phone are sooooo not phenomenal! (I know you agree with that! LOL!).
Being the hopeless romantic that I am I will hold on to the dream that maybe one day in another place at another time we will meet again and perhaps then I will be the woman that you really want and need and you will be that man for me. While I recognize that may never happen a girl can always dream...
I thank you for all the things you have taught me about life. I feel that in knowing you I have become a better person. I plan to continue to use those lessons that you have taught me to be the best me that I can be. I truly believe that God put you in my life for a season and a reason. I thank Him for you and I have no regrets.
One last thought, God loves us so much, so much. The bible tells us to delight ourselves in Him and He will give us the desires of our heart. In Matthew 7 he tells us to ask and we shall receive and then goes on to say that, "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?" God is fully capable of giving us exactly what we want. If you want a woman who doesn't come across to you or anyone else as arrogant or elitist, He will give you a woman who doesn't come across that way. She will be that way when you first meet her, you won't have to help her become that way. When the right one comes we won't have to feel like we are settling. We won't have to feel like we need to change him or her to tweak them into the right person for us, it will just be right and easy. It will just simply fit without a lot of effort. That is certainly not to say that person will be perfect but they will be perfect for us. God loves us enough to give us exactly what we want. Just like how God loves me soooooooo much to give me the exact type of tea that I want on a day that I was feeling blue (I think I told you that story). God knows that I love presents and despite all he has already done for me he saw it fit to miraculously deliver my favorite type of tea in the world, on a day that I really needed to feel his love. That is the kind of God he is!!! Thinking about that BLOWS ME AWAY--seriously. I mean the God that created the heavens and earth cares that much about me to care about the most mundane details of my life.
Certainly if he can find a way to bring the right tea to me from across the seas, he can certainly do that with a man (or a woman for you). I am sorry I think I am preaching to myself. LOL! (writing is very therapeutic for me)
I understand that right now we probably need time and space to heal. I know that you said that you have no desire to be friends with me but please know that you will always have a special place in my heart and will always be in my prayers. Should you ever change your mind and decide that you wouldn't mind being aquaintances or friends my door is always open. If in the future you happen to be in Boston or DC and want to get together for coffee or lunch just let me know.
I am sure you are probably tired of e-mails from me by now. Thank you for reading this one. I promise not to harrass you, don't worry.
I love you Mr J. I always will. I love you enough to want you to be ridiculously happy with the love of your life. I want you to be with someone who, as far as you are concerned makes you feel like the luckiest guy in the world, the luckiest. Sometimes loving someone enough means letting them go. In my heart of hearts I believe that as much as I hate to, I believe that I need to let you go. So go and be happy and please don't ever settle for second best.
Lady Tee
_________________________________________________________
The epilogue:
It turns out that Mr J is a total idiot and when things don't go his way he acts like a real jerk. He has made it abundantly clear that he does not know how to be a friend or show basic human decency towards me. Consequently, my offer for friendship has been rescinded. Frankly, I need friends like him about as much as I need bullet in my head.
3 comments:
Yo Yo Yo thats fricking interesting.Lady Teee... your expiriences are so mind blowing.
Take Care S.A Fan
Winzo
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Pen Drive, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://pen-drive-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.
Hi Winzo and Pen drive,
Thanks for your comments!
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