“You walk around here like you are some kind of princess or something, like your sh*t don’t stink.”
-Words expressed during an argument circa 2000 by my now good friend Kelly J
Mr J and I had a heated discussion last night. For some reason he decided to tell me about what he thought some of my flaws were. One of the things he said was that I thought I was better than everyone else and that made people around me feel uncomfortable. In a previous conversation he shared with me that I talked “like a white girl” (whatever the heck that means?!) and that made people feel uncomfortable. He said that to some people the way I speak might make them think that I think I am better than they are. He even suggested that I modified the way I speak so that people would feel more comfortable around me.
Obviously, he is not the first person to tell me that I can sometimes give off an air of superiority. In the past I have had to ask myself why?
The truth is that I know that my naturally reserved and introverted nature is often misinterpreted as standoffish, cold and arrogant. I have had to learn to go outside of my natural comfort zone to make the (new) people around me feel warm and fuzzy. I will admit that there are times when frankly I can’t be bothered and I don’t particularly feel like extending myself and I am willing to be misunderstood.
The truth is that I never have felt that I was better than anyone else or for that matter that anyone else was better than me. I am just as friendly to the security guards at school as I am to the Deans. I have friends who are poor, rich, educated, not educated, straight, gay, black, white, brown, Christian, Atheist, Muslim, Hindu, Agnostic, Bahai. I believe that everyone provides a valuable and important perspective on life. I can learn something from every person on this earth. Furthermore, it is only by the grace of God that I am not homeless, on drugs, or otherwise afflicted.
I am blessed, richly and abundantly blessed. Is it ok for me to say that?
The Lord is my Shepard, I want for nothing. Is that ok? I am intelligent, I am no Einstein but I am smarter than the average bear. Is that ok? I dress well and I like high heels. I don’t have a bunch of designer duds nor am I very trendy but I sure do know how to walk into a Salvation Army and make a $10 outfit look like a million bucks. Am I allowed to say that? I did not grow up in this country and I do not talk like the black (or white) people that did. On most days I attempt to use proper grammar and have noun-verb agreement. Am I wrong for that? I carry myself with confidence. I don’t walk around with my head bowed down. My life and my profession of choice demand it from me. Is that ok? Oh yeah…and I am pretty, not a supermodel by any means but easy enough on the eyes. Am I allowed to think that? One last thing, I go to Harvard. I don’t particularly feel like that is a big deal but from my experience some people do.
I don’t brag nor am I arrogant. I usually surround myself with such brilliant and accomplished people that on most days I don’t particularly feel very brilliant or accomplished. When I first meet people I generally don’t like to tell them that I am a doctor or that I go to Harvard because I have found that people make assumptions about me based on these facts, besides it is usually not relevant to the conversation. I recognize that the very act of me being me can make others feel uncomfortable. However, if the fact that I am an articulate, pretty, well dressed, intelligent, confident young woman, makes others feel uncomfortable is that their problem or is it mine?
Mr. J feels like I should change the way I talk to make others feel more comfortable, change my diction, cadences, throw in a few slang words. I have a one word response, “WHATEVER!” (to quote the valley girls) or perhaps I should say, “Why the f^&* are you trippin’?! You’d best to back up off me partner!” LOL…sigh!
I do not apologize for the way I speak
I do not apologize for the clothes I wear
I do not apologize for not being dumb or fat or ugly
I do not apologize for being an imperfect Christian
I do not apologize for the school I attend or my profession of choice
I do not apologize for believing that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I don’t think I am better than anyone else but I do recognize that God has blessed me richly and I am sick and tired of people trying to make me feel bad about me being me. I know who I am in Christ. I know what the bible says about me and I am not the least bit apologetic. I also recognize that I have issues that I am working on (have you read this blog?!) but I am pretty unapologetic about that too.
Life is funny because the very thing that is required of us in one area is used against us in another area. I get criticized for being confident but I cannot think of one instance when a patient has appreciated a lack of confidence from their surgeon. One thing I learned very quickly in medical school is that patients don’t like to know when I have no idea what I am doing and that I too get nervous and scared. We learn how to do procedures on patients. Generally speaking people get nervous when they find out that this is the first time I have done the procedure they are about to undergo and understandably so. It becomes my job to drum up enough confidence in myself to reassure them and engender their trust. There are too many examples of how confidence is important in medicine and yet I feel that in other areas of life I am criticized for not walking around with my head bowed low…sigh.
“…Now you understand
-Words expressed during an argument circa 2000 by my now good friend Kelly J
Mr J and I had a heated discussion last night. For some reason he decided to tell me about what he thought some of my flaws were. One of the things he said was that I thought I was better than everyone else and that made people around me feel uncomfortable. In a previous conversation he shared with me that I talked “like a white girl” (whatever the heck that means?!) and that made people feel uncomfortable. He said that to some people the way I speak might make them think that I think I am better than they are. He even suggested that I modified the way I speak so that people would feel more comfortable around me.
Obviously, he is not the first person to tell me that I can sometimes give off an air of superiority. In the past I have had to ask myself why?
The truth is that I know that my naturally reserved and introverted nature is often misinterpreted as standoffish, cold and arrogant. I have had to learn to go outside of my natural comfort zone to make the (new) people around me feel warm and fuzzy. I will admit that there are times when frankly I can’t be bothered and I don’t particularly feel like extending myself and I am willing to be misunderstood.
The truth is that I never have felt that I was better than anyone else or for that matter that anyone else was better than me. I am just as friendly to the security guards at school as I am to the Deans. I have friends who are poor, rich, educated, not educated, straight, gay, black, white, brown, Christian, Atheist, Muslim, Hindu, Agnostic, Bahai. I believe that everyone provides a valuable and important perspective on life. I can learn something from every person on this earth. Furthermore, it is only by the grace of God that I am not homeless, on drugs, or otherwise afflicted.
I am blessed, richly and abundantly blessed. Is it ok for me to say that?
The Lord is my Shepard, I want for nothing. Is that ok? I am intelligent, I am no Einstein but I am smarter than the average bear. Is that ok? I dress well and I like high heels. I don’t have a bunch of designer duds nor am I very trendy but I sure do know how to walk into a Salvation Army and make a $10 outfit look like a million bucks. Am I allowed to say that? I did not grow up in this country and I do not talk like the black (or white) people that did. On most days I attempt to use proper grammar and have noun-verb agreement. Am I wrong for that? I carry myself with confidence. I don’t walk around with my head bowed down. My life and my profession of choice demand it from me. Is that ok? Oh yeah…and I am pretty, not a supermodel by any means but easy enough on the eyes. Am I allowed to think that? One last thing, I go to Harvard. I don’t particularly feel like that is a big deal but from my experience some people do.
I don’t brag nor am I arrogant. I usually surround myself with such brilliant and accomplished people that on most days I don’t particularly feel very brilliant or accomplished. When I first meet people I generally don’t like to tell them that I am a doctor or that I go to Harvard because I have found that people make assumptions about me based on these facts, besides it is usually not relevant to the conversation. I recognize that the very act of me being me can make others feel uncomfortable. However, if the fact that I am an articulate, pretty, well dressed, intelligent, confident young woman, makes others feel uncomfortable is that their problem or is it mine?
Mr. J feels like I should change the way I talk to make others feel more comfortable, change my diction, cadences, throw in a few slang words. I have a one word response, “WHATEVER!” (to quote the valley girls) or perhaps I should say, “Why the f^&* are you trippin’?! You’d best to back up off me partner!” LOL…sigh!
I do not apologize for the way I speak
I do not apologize for the clothes I wear
I do not apologize for not being dumb or fat or ugly
I do not apologize for being an imperfect Christian
I do not apologize for the school I attend or my profession of choice
I do not apologize for believing that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I don’t think I am better than anyone else but I do recognize that God has blessed me richly and I am sick and tired of people trying to make me feel bad about me being me. I know who I am in Christ. I know what the bible says about me and I am not the least bit apologetic. I also recognize that I have issues that I am working on (have you read this blog?!) but I am pretty unapologetic about that too.
Life is funny because the very thing that is required of us in one area is used against us in another area. I get criticized for being confident but I cannot think of one instance when a patient has appreciated a lack of confidence from their surgeon. One thing I learned very quickly in medical school is that patients don’t like to know when I have no idea what I am doing and that I too get nervous and scared. We learn how to do procedures on patients. Generally speaking people get nervous when they find out that this is the first time I have done the procedure they are about to undergo and understandably so. It becomes my job to drum up enough confidence in myself to reassure them and engender their trust. There are too many examples of how confidence is important in medicine and yet I feel that in other areas of life I am criticized for not walking around with my head bowed low…sigh.
“…Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.”
Is it ok for me to quote Maya Angelou? Is it ok for me to be me?
What do you say?
Is it ok for me to quote Maya Angelou? Is it ok for me to be me?
What do you say?
1 comment:
It is perfectly okay for you to do you. I do me because I can't do anything else but me. It's all I know. And besides, you will always have someone that has a problem with you so get use to it and keep it moving. Love this post!
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