Ladies, correct me if I am wrong but I think we all want the same man: good looking, ily man who will make a great father. Give or take a few things and that probably looks something like your dream guy, right? As I get older I realize that some of the things I wanted are not necessarily compatible with each other. For instance, what are the chances that someone who is really fine and really charming (read player) and has becoming accustomed to charming ladies his whole life will actually be loyal to me for the rest of his life? Loyal player is an oxymoron. I am not saying it can’t happen but chances are… The truth is that I might be better off with the slightly nerdy guy who isn’t as smooth but whose heart is a lot more sincere…
Recently I have had to confront the oxymoron of the successful doting man. I dated this guy who was successful in his own right. He owned a financial services company and he was building his gigantic dream house in Connecticut from the ground up. Anyone who has every built a house from the ground up knows that this takes a lot of time and energy. He is a super sweet guy. I miss him much. If there are any single ladies in the tri-state area he is a great catch for the right girl…I digress. This guy is a hard worker. I mean a really hard worker. On most days he would work until midnight, often pulling all-nighters. Despite his crazy schedule he would call me everyday before going to bed. On weekends he would drive two hours to take me on a date then drive two hours back home.
I am used to being with guys who were a lot more accessible. My ex would call me several times a day. Granted, the relationship was a bit codependent. Dating the guy in CT made me realize that one of the prices of dating an ultra-driven guy was that he would not be sitting under me 24 hours of the day. In order to be with such a guy I would have to be understanding of his time constraints.
“My first mistake was I wanted too much time. I had to have him morning noon and night”
Creoledc wrote a blog about a friend that was putting unreasonable demands for time and attention on a busy man that she was dating. The piece hit home for me. I then started wondering where this strong need for attention came from. Why was it so important for me to be with someone who showered me with attention?
My friend TJ hit it on the nail when he said, “fathers dote on their children, not boyfriends.” When you look up the definition of doting in the Webster dictionary it actually gives the example of a doting grandparent doting on her grandchild. That is when it occurred to me that my need for attention stems from my desire to have the attention that I never got from my father. I am in essence asking every man I meet to pay for the sins of my father and frankly that is not fair.
Recently God revealed to me that one of the reasons for my underlying anger towards men was because of unresolved hurts from my dad. I had a mini therapy exercise; I was prayed for and delivered. As time goes on God continues to reveal things about how my childhood has affected my current relationships. He is healing me one layer at a time, slowly putting back all the pieces. One day I will be whole. The reality is that this is a journey, not a destination. Each day that goes by I get better, wiser, stronger. Until I reach the final mark, I press on….
Recently I have had to confront the oxymoron of the successful doting man. I dated this guy who was successful in his own right. He owned a financial services company and he was building his gigantic dream house in Connecticut from the ground up. Anyone who has every built a house from the ground up knows that this takes a lot of time and energy. He is a super sweet guy. I miss him much. If there are any single ladies in the tri-state area he is a great catch for the right girl…I digress. This guy is a hard worker. I mean a really hard worker. On most days he would work until midnight, often pulling all-nighters. Despite his crazy schedule he would call me everyday before going to bed. On weekends he would drive two hours to take me on a date then drive two hours back home.
I am used to being with guys who were a lot more accessible. My ex would call me several times a day. Granted, the relationship was a bit codependent. Dating the guy in CT made me realize that one of the prices of dating an ultra-driven guy was that he would not be sitting under me 24 hours of the day. In order to be with such a guy I would have to be understanding of his time constraints.
“My first mistake was I wanted too much time. I had to have him morning noon and night”
Creoledc wrote a blog about a friend that was putting unreasonable demands for time and attention on a busy man that she was dating. The piece hit home for me. I then started wondering where this strong need for attention came from. Why was it so important for me to be with someone who showered me with attention?
My friend TJ hit it on the nail when he said, “fathers dote on their children, not boyfriends.” When you look up the definition of doting in the Webster dictionary it actually gives the example of a doting grandparent doting on her grandchild. That is when it occurred to me that my need for attention stems from my desire to have the attention that I never got from my father. I am in essence asking every man I meet to pay for the sins of my father and frankly that is not fair.
Recently God revealed to me that one of the reasons for my underlying anger towards men was because of unresolved hurts from my dad. I had a mini therapy exercise; I was prayed for and delivered. As time goes on God continues to reveal things about how my childhood has affected my current relationships. He is healing me one layer at a time, slowly putting back all the pieces. One day I will be whole. The reality is that this is a journey, not a destination. Each day that goes by I get better, wiser, stronger. Until I reach the final mark, I press on….
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