It's getting cold in Boston, like 30 degrees cold and it is not even winter yet! It is the holiday season and my hormones are wreaking havoc on my mood. I am lonely. For those of us who are far away from family or have lost family members who were near and dear to our hearts the holidays can be pretty rough. In addition, I am going through a bit of friend withdrawal.
Back in my junior year of college one of my closest best friends, who was also one of my suitemates, got a serious boyfriend. Whereas at one time she was always available to me she was now in love and spending lots of time with her new man, as was to be expected. She was gone so much that my other suitemates and I joked about putting a "room for rent" sign on her bedroom door! Not having her there was really hard for me. I missed her a lot. I missed our friendship.
As the years go by I find that I am "losing" more and more of my friends to this epidemic called marriage and serious relationships. The girls who were always good for going out, for drinks, coffee, or that midnight boo hoo call because Mr X did me wrong or because I missed my mom or just because…aren't there anymore. They are attending to their families as they should be. I just miss them a lot.
One of the things that made being single a lot easier was having "play boyfriends." These were guys who I was not romantically involved with but we were good friends and they were always good for a little flirting when necessary. Now they are gone too:
Frank- married to a crazy girl
Keith-married
TJ- married to his job!
Doug-married to a fabulous wife with a cute new baby!
Derek-not married but certainly involved in a hot mess.
Meka-married to residency and his live-in girlfriend
I am going to take a moment of silence for them.
((silence))
((more silence))
Moving on. I almost feel like that the only way to have a friend who will be committed to me is to get married myself but of course it is not that simple. I can't just make a fabulous husband magically appear. So what do I do in the meantime? Who do I go to when there is no one else to turn to and I am feeling lonely? This one's easy…you call on the Lord. But dang, is there anything more cliché than the single woman trying to "work on her relationship" with God cause she ain't got no man? I am soooooo tired of being that cliché!
I feel like I treat God like that friend who I don't really like but when push comes to shove and there is absolutely noooooooo one else to turn to, that's when I call the back up friend. After all he did say "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Or "lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." I mean that is pretty deep. That is more of a promise than any of my other friends can make. God is not supposed to be a back up friend. He is a good friend to me but I treat Him like a red-headed stepchild. (Where did that phrase come from anyway? I digress)
Back in the day we used to sing the hymn, "What a friend we have in Jesus." I have to say that God has been many things to me, my lord, my protector, my provider, the lover of my soul…but never a friend or at least not a good one. It is time for that to change. The bible says that "my God shall supply ALL [my] needs according to his riches and glory." That includes my need for companionship. I never thought of God as my hanging buddy before or the "person" who I can share chit chat and mundane details of my life with. It's time for a change. It is my desire to make God my number one friend. I want him to be the first person that I tell my great news to or share my heartache with. I want Him to be first on my list. It's about time I start recognizing the type of friend he has been to me.
Are you good friends with God? Really good friends?
Back in my junior year of college one of my closest best friends, who was also one of my suitemates, got a serious boyfriend. Whereas at one time she was always available to me she was now in love and spending lots of time with her new man, as was to be expected. She was gone so much that my other suitemates and I joked about putting a "room for rent" sign on her bedroom door! Not having her there was really hard for me. I missed her a lot. I missed our friendship.
As the years go by I find that I am "losing" more and more of my friends to this epidemic called marriage and serious relationships. The girls who were always good for going out, for drinks, coffee, or that midnight boo hoo call because Mr X did me wrong or because I missed my mom or just because…aren't there anymore. They are attending to their families as they should be. I just miss them a lot.
One of the things that made being single a lot easier was having "play boyfriends." These were guys who I was not romantically involved with but we were good friends and they were always good for a little flirting when necessary. Now they are gone too:
Frank- married to a crazy girl
Keith-married
TJ- married to his job!
Doug-married to a fabulous wife with a cute new baby!
Derek-not married but certainly involved in a hot mess.
Meka-married to residency and his live-in girlfriend
I am going to take a moment of silence for them.
((silence))
((more silence))
Moving on. I almost feel like that the only way to have a friend who will be committed to me is to get married myself but of course it is not that simple. I can't just make a fabulous husband magically appear. So what do I do in the meantime? Who do I go to when there is no one else to turn to and I am feeling lonely? This one's easy…you call on the Lord. But dang, is there anything more cliché than the single woman trying to "work on her relationship" with God cause she ain't got no man? I am soooooo tired of being that cliché!
I feel like I treat God like that friend who I don't really like but when push comes to shove and there is absolutely noooooooo one else to turn to, that's when I call the back up friend. After all he did say "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Or "lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." I mean that is pretty deep. That is more of a promise than any of my other friends can make. God is not supposed to be a back up friend. He is a good friend to me but I treat Him like a red-headed stepchild. (Where did that phrase come from anyway? I digress)
Back in the day we used to sing the hymn, "What a friend we have in Jesus." I have to say that God has been many things to me, my lord, my protector, my provider, the lover of my soul…but never a friend or at least not a good one. It is time for that to change. The bible says that "my God shall supply ALL [my] needs according to his riches and glory." That includes my need for companionship. I never thought of God as my hanging buddy before or the "person" who I can share chit chat and mundane details of my life with. It's time for a change. It is my desire to make God my number one friend. I want him to be the first person that I tell my great news to or share my heartache with. I want Him to be first on my list. It's about time I start recognizing the type of friend he has been to me.
Are you good friends with God? Really good friends?
5 comments:
Heh heh - room for rent. I remember that. I'll hang out with you if you ever come to LA. I found this place that makes the best cocktails in the world - Nirvana in Bev Hills..
Thanks Mel! You rock!
Thanks for writing this. I've been dealing with the same kinds of feelings, though I didn't recognize what was at the base of my feeling so alone until after reading your thoughts. I definitely agree I should make God a more real part of my life, and a true friend not the back-up friend. Very insightful. Thank you again
Thanks for writing this. I've been dealing with the same kinds of feelings, though I didn't recognize what was at the base of my feeling so alone until after reading your thoughts. I definitely agree I should make God a more real part of my life, and a true friend not the back-up friend. Very insightful. Thank you again
Hi Shelley
Thanks for your comment. Thanks for making me re-read my blog. I needed the reminder. I just moved to a new city and have some very "Special" co-workers. In other words I could really use a friend...sometimes I forget that I already have one
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