I shadowed this brilliant ophthalmologist (eye surgeon) at the Mayo clinic once. We went to see a patient who he had just operated on. The dialogue went something like this:
Dr G: How are you feeling?
Patient: My eyes hurt
Dr G: You are welcome
Patient: (this time a little louder, as though he didn’t hear the first time) My eyes HURT.
Dr G: You are welcome. We will check on you in a few hours.
Aruuuu?! Not quite the interaction I had expected. Dr G then turns to me and explains the importance of setting expectations in life. He explained to me that after having major surgery a little pain should be expected. He told me that in any type of relationship in life it is always important to clearly set expectations. While his methods may have been a bit unorthodox, the lesson he taught me was learned for life.
Recently in the blog circles that I frequent there has been a very lively debate about the role of lists and stated expectations in relationships. It was started by a list of about twenty six things that creoledc wrote that gentleman should do, Lord Hannibal took issue with the idea of the list and the debate ensued. It is actually quite entertaining if you have a few minutes.
To add my two cents to the debate, I feel as though we all have a list of expectations for the opposite sex albeit stated or unstated. The problem comes when we are with someone who has a different set of expectations and neither person has bothered to communicate these expectations because after all the other person should “just know.” Recently Mr. J asked me what my expectations were in a relationship. I told him I needed to think about it. After some thought this is the list that I came up with. It is largely based on biblical principals. I haven’t shared them with him yet. I thought I would run it by my internet friends first.
(In order to be in a successful relationship) I expect:
1. For God to be at the center of our relationship
2. Honesty
3. Respect
4. Trust
5. You to be a gentleman
6. A dogged commitment to making our relationship work
7. Integrity
8. Consistency
9. Flexibility
10. You to be a man of your word
11. You to act in ways that are kind, considerate and loving towards me
12. For us to find loving ways of resolving conflict, with the goal of pursuing peace. This includes apologizing when necessary, sometimes even when unnecessary and not holding grudges.
13. You to try to understand things from my perspective and be patient with me
14. Open and effective communication
15. Support and encouragement
16. To have fun
17. Accessibility and regular communication
18. To see you at least every other month (he lives in Florida)
19. To be near and dear to your heart (closeness)
20. You to be protective and to take good care of my heart
21. To be cherished
Naturally, I expect the same things of myself (except the part about being a gentleman or man—LOL).
What say ye? Anything missing? Anything unreasonable?
Dr G: How are you feeling?
Patient: My eyes hurt
Dr G: You are welcome
Patient: (this time a little louder, as though he didn’t hear the first time) My eyes HURT.
Dr G: You are welcome. We will check on you in a few hours.
Aruuuu?! Not quite the interaction I had expected. Dr G then turns to me and explains the importance of setting expectations in life. He explained to me that after having major surgery a little pain should be expected. He told me that in any type of relationship in life it is always important to clearly set expectations. While his methods may have been a bit unorthodox, the lesson he taught me was learned for life.
Recently in the blog circles that I frequent there has been a very lively debate about the role of lists and stated expectations in relationships. It was started by a list of about twenty six things that creoledc wrote that gentleman should do, Lord Hannibal took issue with the idea of the list and the debate ensued. It is actually quite entertaining if you have a few minutes.
To add my two cents to the debate, I feel as though we all have a list of expectations for the opposite sex albeit stated or unstated. The problem comes when we are with someone who has a different set of expectations and neither person has bothered to communicate these expectations because after all the other person should “just know.” Recently Mr. J asked me what my expectations were in a relationship. I told him I needed to think about it. After some thought this is the list that I came up with. It is largely based on biblical principals. I haven’t shared them with him yet. I thought I would run it by my internet friends first.
(In order to be in a successful relationship) I expect:
1. For God to be at the center of our relationship
2. Honesty
3. Respect
4. Trust
5. You to be a gentleman
6. A dogged commitment to making our relationship work
7. Integrity
8. Consistency
9. Flexibility
10. You to be a man of your word
11. You to act in ways that are kind, considerate and loving towards me
12. For us to find loving ways of resolving conflict, with the goal of pursuing peace. This includes apologizing when necessary, sometimes even when unnecessary and not holding grudges.
13. You to try to understand things from my perspective and be patient with me
14. Open and effective communication
15. Support and encouragement
16. To have fun
17. Accessibility and regular communication
18. To see you at least every other month (he lives in Florida)
19. To be near and dear to your heart (closeness)
20. You to be protective and to take good care of my heart
21. To be cherished
Naturally, I expect the same things of myself (except the part about being a gentleman or man—LOL).
What say ye? Anything missing? Anything unreasonable?
3 comments:
Long list, but I agree with most of it. It's hard to live up to though.
True true. We must still strive for the ideal though
Nice list but when a love jones hit you, the list goes out the door.
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