So my divorced friend, "Chicago", and I are friends again. The crazy girl's drama forced me to contact him and solicit his help. Now we are friends again. I'll tell you God works in some mysterious ways...! If it wasn't for Crazy Girl we probably would have never spoken again. God bless you crazy girl!LOL!
Mr Chicago and I used to spend hours on the phone talking about life. He went to theology school and is well versed in the bible. We have prayed together, read the bible together and he has helped me to grow in my walk with God in many ways. The funny thing is that we have never met in person.
So Mr Chicago and I talk to each other about our relationships. He is a recent divorcee who is in the process of healing from his 15 year marriage. He finally agrees with me that he needs to take time to himself to heal before getting involved in a serious relationship. He is not emotionally available. However, he recently met this girl, Ms. Desperada, who really likes him. He has told her that he is not ready to be in a serious relationship. Did she listen? No. Bad idea, bad idea.
So this chic has basically been auditioning for the role of wifey pursuing him hard core, I guess trying to make him change his mind about being in a relationship. As far as I am concerned she is out of order. This chick has been showering him with gifts, inviting herself to his house and spending several nights a week there. She has been basically going through all types of commotions to prove to him that she is the perfect girl. It's almost like she is trying to prove that she is worthy of being loved.
Now let me tell you about Mr. Chicago. Mr. Chicago is a romantic at heart, he loves giving women gifts flowers, jewelery, alla dat. He had one chic come visit him and he had this elaborate romantic weekend planned out, greeted her with flowers and was even going to buy her a nice piece of jewelery (except her butt acted stoopid so he didn't buy it). He is the type of guy who LIKES DOING special things for special ladies in his life. Shoot, he even bought me flowers once. Now do you think he has bought ANYTHING for Ms Desperada? NO! He is not pressed and why should he be because she has decided to take on the role of the chaser/hunter/pursuer. She has reversed the order and done a disservice to herself. By chasing him around he is not any more ready to be in a serious relationship than he was before, she is wasting her energy.
Am I saying that women should never do nice things for men? No, of course not. The things that she is doing are the type of things that wives, fiances or serious girlfriends should do. At this point she should allow him to take the lead. What is Lady Tee's second rule of dating? -Don't love anyone who doesn't love you back, ie. don't play yourself.
Now I can totally relate to Ms Desperada's need to make herself seem worthy. I have gone through different stages in the way I relate to men: The first stage in my quasi-feminist days was when I was completely opposed to doing anything that fell into the traditional female role. I refused to cook, clean, iron or do anything like that for a man. I felt that if I knew how to do those things than he should too.
The next stage was more like Ms Desperada. I decided to become the uber super girlfriend. I did all the things that (in my mind) a perfect girlfriend would do. I made the gourmet meals, cleaned apartments, learned acrobatics and said all the right things. I was good no doubt. Darn good. However, my motivation for doing those things was to prove that I was good enough or worthy of love.
Now I am at my favorite stage thus far, the "love me or leave me stage." I have come to realize that being me is enough and that actually I am quite fabulous if I don't say so myself. Any man would be very lucky to have me. That is not to say that I am perfect cause I am soooooooo not perfect but I am pretty darn good. Now, I no longer feel the need to constantly prove myself. I know my worth. I know who I am. Now when I do things it's because I want to and not because I feel I have to. If Mr. (fill in the blank) can't appreciate there is someone out there who will.
Can anyone relate?
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