quote of the day: dancing in the rain

I I love this quote. It is stolen from Tanyetta's quotation contest, I couldn't resist:

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain"
Author unknown

How true. This quote right here is the key to happiness. Life really sucks sometimes. You can choose to be down and broken or you can rise to the occasion and make the best of a bad situation. One of the laws of physics says that for every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction. A ying and a yang. I truly believe that we are supposed to learn lessons from every situation we go through and there is always a blessing in disguise. For example, from my cousin's tragic death, I was able to feel the love and support from my friends (thanks everyone). It also inspired me to take action on some level (that reminds me I need to e-mail someone regarding opportunities to work with AIDS groups in Swaziland). I digress but you get my point.
I think this quote embodies all that God wants from us. He wants us to trust him during the storms of life and rejoice any how. It is easy to say "Thank you Lord" when things are going well. What about when they are not? Do you trust in the divine goodness of God to work things out in your favor? Do you know how to dance in the rain?

Final grade

I got a 98.5 as my final grade in my epidemiology class!

I can't tell my mama so I figure I would tell you.
It has been a while since I have seen numbers like that.

From Mr. J:

You are a blessing from God!

Thx,
Mr J

(feel free to stop me when I get too nauseating)
Go 'head Mel, say something smart...

He asked me for my address today I hope that means something good is coming in the mail...

A Public service anouncement: One shot

Have you ever been so angry with yourself that you cried? That is where I am right now. Sometimes in life we only get one shot and if we don't take advantage the opportunity will pass us by.
Me and time are not friends.
I am almost always late. So much so that I was awarded the "most likely to be late to her own funeral" superlative at my last school. A lot of times I am intentionally late. However, a lot of times I honestly mean to be on time but then get distracted. Either that or I fail to correctly assess how long it will take me to complete a series of tasks. In my public health school career there have been two major opportunities that have passed me by because I neglected to take note of the deadlines.
The first one, the most painful one, was an opportunity to apply for a fellowship that would have awarded me a FULL scholarship PLUS a $50k living allowance. I am still kicking myself in the butt for that one.
The second one, is what inspired this blog. I had applied to go on a class trip to Brazil in January. If anyone has ever spent a winter in Boston you understand why I really wanted to get away! I was very disappointed when I did not initially get accepted and ended up on the wait list. Guess what? Lo and behold I got an e-mail last week, during finals, offering me a spot. Dummy me was so excited that I neglected to note that in order to secure my spot I must give a deposit within two days...I thought I had a week. I missed the deadline to give the deposit. They gave away my spot, just like that. They actually did send me a reminder e-mail but since I was so busy with finals I didn't even read it until after the spot was gone. The next girl they offered it to, put down the deposit within three hours! Three hours! She must have had one of those crackberry devices. Humph! I went to the office this morning to beg and plead, to no avail. I contacted the course instructor to see if there was anything that could be done. He is going to look into it. In the meantime they gave me until Wednesday to decide if I want to go to Kerala, India instead. India vs Brazil? It's not quite the same huh? I am so disappointed and mad at myself.
My friend says that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe something bad would have happened had I gone or maybe a better opportunity will come along. I guess life is too short to dwell on "if only"s. Maybe I will start using my electronic organizer. Who am I kidding? Probably not. Sigh. However, I definitely won't let something like this happen again.
Please learn from my mistakes. Don't let a good opportunity pass you by. Sometimes in life you only get one shot.

Have you ever missed any important deadlines/opportunities? Please share. Misery loves company

From Mr J: i’m a sucka for some kind words

In my inbox:

T,

I thank God daily for you.

Mr J

(I hope I am not nauseating anyone)

Please hold me accountable: USMLE

I procrastinate.
It is easy to do. As a human being I don't like being uncomfortable.
I need to get a job.
I can't get a job until I take a licensing test, USMLE3
I need to take USMLE3
I keep putting off registering for it.
My dad gave me the $700 to register for it MONTHS ago and I need to register already.
I figure maybe if I put my business on the street and make a public anouncement it will help keep me accountable.
My goal is to register by the end of today. Please hold me accountable to that. If you don't hear anything, ask me if I have registered yet.
Thanks

UPDATE: 10/29/07 17:38
In an attempt to procrastinate for my paper due tomorrow (is there any help for me?), I actually started the registration process! I think you should get a pass just for figuring out how to register properly! It is soooo involved. I filled out the online application and paid my $700 (ouch--that's the price of a nice pair of jimmy choos plus dinner at my favorite restaurant, L'Espalier--education is over rated!). However, I am not done yet because I need to get one form notarized. I need to send another form to my old residency program for them to fill out. I need to attach a picture...sigh It's very complimacated. Hopefully the test will be easier. Two days of eight hours of pain per day then it will be all over. Lord he'p me!
If I don't say so myself I am proud of myself for finally getting the process started. This accountability thing actually worked.
Now I actually need to start working on my paper...sigh

UPDATE 10/30/07

Too busy scrambling to finish my paper yesterday...let's just say I won't be winning any pulitzers anytime soon...sigh. Have not been to the notary's yet. Still have to find a doggone picture. Y'all are supposed be holding me accountable!

quote of the day: success in life

We succeed only as we identify in life, or in war, or in anything else, a single overriding objective, and make all other considerations bend to that one objective.
Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969), speech, April 2, 1957

Me and Mr J

So Mr. J will come and visit me when I am in New York! I am sooo excited. I gotta get my hair did, my nails done etc etc. I am going to try to schedule a brunch with him my auntie and my cousin. I wish I had a huge, mean-looking, physically intimidating brother who could meet him too (no offense Yati). I think it is important for people to know that you have a family that is also affected by the way you treat their loved one. Sometimes I wish I lived back in the days when guys had to come to your house and meet your father on the first date. In the African culture dating is not about the dating of two individuals but rather the coming together of two families. There is a community that both of those individuals are responsible to. As Hilary Clinton says, "it takes a village..."
Mr. J has reiterated his Thanksgiving invitation. I think that I have decided that until we are at least dating exclusively I won't be making any cross country trips. The idea that I could fly to see him one day and then the next day he could potentially be with someone else, or flying someone else in, is just a little too much for me to handle.

It's over

I broke up with Mr N. That is if you can actually break up with someone you have never even met. It pained me to do so. I liked him a lot but I could tell that he was starting to like me a little too much considering that I really like Mr. J. I told him that I was not emotionally available to give myself fully to a new relationship. My friends tell me not to put all my eggs in one basket and that I should date other people. However, I think it is unconscionable to lead someone on when you know that your heart is somewhere else. It’s such a shame because Mr N is such a great guy. He takes care of his family (ie mother and brothers); he has all the right bio data. He likes me. Sigh. In my heart of hearts I just feel that I need to see where this thing with Mr J is leading before I start getting involved with others. If it goes nowhere that is fine. I will dust off my shoulders and keep it moving but I just have to find out. I guess I am an all or nothing type of gal. Ah the choices we make in life.

I met... history in the making/ The power of Jabez

I am so excited. I met...errr I mean...I shook hands with Senator Obama and Governor Deval! For those of you who don't know Governor Deval is not only the first Democratic Governor in the state of MA in 16 years but he is the first black governor of MA and only the second black governor in the history of the U.S.! Wow! Senator Obama is, of course, the first black man that actually has a shot at the presidency.
I have to say that Senator Obama's talk was truly inspirational. One of his messages was that change starts from the bottom up and that one person can make a difference. Never underestimate yourself. Don't look at the obstacles, just the opportunities.
If you had a magic wand and could change something what would it be? What are you doing to make changes now? If the answer is nothing, what is stopping you? Always think big. Really big. The prayer of Jabez is a good one to say:
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request." 1Chronicles 4:10
I mean who the heck was Jabez? Had you even heard of him before the book came out? I am sure a lot of people still have no idea who he is. Essentially, he wan' nobody BUT that didn't stop God from using him. He was also a godly man who trusted, had faith and God granted his request. Surely he will do the same for you. Try adding this prayer to your daily prayers that you say and see how God will move in your life. Trust that prayer can move mountains.

quote of the day: things I cannot understand

Proverbs 30:18-19 (Contemporary English Version)
18There are three or four things
I cannot understand:
19How eagles fly so high
or snakes crawl on rocks,
how ships sail the ocean
or people fall in love.

Why can't I cut and paste men?!

So I have a crush on Mr. J who lives in Florida and I want him to visit. I have also been getting to know Mr N who lives in MD. Mr N wants to visit and was willing to reschedule his Vegas trip to do so. I was impressed that he would pick me over Vegas. If I had some AZ spa trip planned I would NEVER cancel it to be with some random dude. Why can't Mr J start rearranging his plans to come visit? Argghh! I feel that it would be unethical to allow Mr N pay $600 for a weekend in Boston when I am secretly hoping that things with Mr J will work out.

What say ye? Should I explore my options? Should I let Mr N visit?

Blog steal: Words of wisdom from a man

I found this blog at http://indianfriendfinder.com/blog/1986/post_20248.html
(who knew indian friend finder could be so informative?) This guy speaks the TRUTH! I just had to share this. It is basically everything you need to know about men in 60 seconds or less.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.Slower is better.Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.If a relationship ends because the man was nottreating you as you deserve then hell no,you can't "just be friends".A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing youalong, then he probably is.Don't stay because you think "it will get better."You'll be mad at yourself a year later for stayingwhen things are not better.Don't make plans around theirs, if they want to see you they will.The only person you can control in a relationship is you.Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by abunch of different women.He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,why would he treat you any differently?Always have your own set of friends separate from his.Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.If something bothers you, speak up.Never let a man know everything. He will use itagainst you later.You cannot change a man's behaviour. Changecomes from within.Don't EVER make him feel he is more importantthan you are... even if he has more educationor a better job.Do not make him into a god. He is a man,nothing more nothing less.Never let a man define who you are.Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheatedWITH you, he'll cheat ON you.A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW himto treat you.All men are NOT dogs.You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.You need time to heal between relationships.There is nothing cute about baggage.Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.You should never look for someone to COMPLETEyou...a relationship consists of two WHOLEindividuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to beMr.Right.Make him miss you sometimes...when a manalways knows where you are, and you're alwaysreadily available to him - he takes it for granted.Never move into his mother's house.Never co-sign for a man.Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give youeverything that you need.Keep him in your radar but get to know others.And finally: if you find love let it go...and if it comes back its yours to keep.Share this with other women... You'll makesomeone smile, another rethink her choices, andanother woman prepare.

quote of the day: on men

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay..."
Sex in the city

Wisdom in the counsel of many: Love (I mean) Infatuation is blind. The epilogue

I have learned a lot of lessons today:
1. I need to stop procrastinating (ok I knew that one already) LOL!
2. Just because something feels good does not mean it is a good idea.
3. There is wisdom in the counsel of many
So I was really excited about seeing Mr. J and I had pretty much told him I was coming (see "should I stay or should I go"). Now I am pretty sure that I could have gone and nothing really bad would have happened. Like I have said been there done that and could write a number of blogs about it. However, three different guys who I trust (and have zero interest in me) very strongly urged me not to go to Philly to meet Mr. J. Now some girls said the same thing too but I think certain things are more convincing when coming from the opposite sex. Of course there were a few people that told me to throw caution to the wind, pack my bags and go. Sure I am Ms. Independent, I can take care of myself in almost any situation. However, I have learned that when one person says something you can take it or leave it but when a number of people keep saying the same thing, they just might be on to something. The bible says there is wisdom in the counsel of many. This is only true if the people you are listening to are giving you good advice. Many well intentioned people can send you astray. When taking advice consider the advisor, is this someone you want to be like? Do you share similar beliefs and values? If the answer is "no" then keep it moving. It took me a while to figure out that single girlfriends are not the best people to ask for advice when it comes to guys (no offense intended). That is not to say that they cannot give good advice, it is just that if my happily married friend says "A" and my can't-keep-a-man girlfriend says "B", I am going with "A".
I have also learned that when the heart is going "tick tick tick" it is hard to think straight. That is when it is time to listen to your wise friends. So while I really wanted to go to Philly I took pause when the people who care for me told me to let him visit me. Talking to Philip tonight (remember him from "is love obsolete") helped me appreciate my value. He also helped me appreciate the value in guarding my heart. The bible tells us "above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life" Proverbs 4:23. As an aside, Proverbs is a very informative book!
So I told Mr. J I wasn't coming. He was disappointed and really didn't understand why. He tried to tell me about how safe he was. I explained to him that wasn't the issue. Amongst many other things I quoted the verse about "when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing," and not "when a woman chases a man around the country." He told me he understood and would work with me. He then talked about how he had been away from home on business over the last 8 weekends and was scheduled to be away on business for the next three weekends. He told me about how he was trying to sell his house but needed to make some renovations that he had not been able to do. Essentially he was implying that it would be a long time before he could come to visit. However I am sure that where there is a will there is a way and if he really wants to see me he will find a way to make it happen. On the other hand if he is the type of guy who only wants to see me when it is easy and convenient for him. Then I don't really need to be bothered. I am not easy and I need a man that is willing to put in some work to be with me. (The last sentence was especially for you Phillip-LOL!)

Quotes of the day: wisdom

Proverbs 12:1
Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but one who hates correction is stupid.
Proverbs 15:15
14 A discerning mind seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.
Proverbs 15:22
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed

Public service announcement: God is GOOD!

Last week in our bible study a girl asked, "When you pray, how do you know when you are hearing from God? How do you know it is not just the little voice in your head telling you what you want to hear?"
One of my responses to her was that when God speaks to you a lot of times he will confirm it over and over. And this is so true! Not only did I blog about my dilemma, I prayed about it and God answered me loud and clear! Praise God. He is so good. My number one love and protector of my heart.
Is there a decision you are struggling with? Try praying. God will answer!

Should I stay or should I go? Playing by the rules

Last night Mr J (the tick tick of the heart Mr J) and I had our first phone date at 10:30pm. Now anyone who has known me for long enough and has tried to call me after 10pm, knows that there is a very high probability that I will fall asleep during that conversation. Surprisingly enough I stayed awake which is a small miracle in and of itself. I ended up suggesting a phone date because he and I are both very busy people. We play phone tag a lot and half of the time we talk when he is running to that activity or I am running to this event. So we scheduled some time to talk where we could give each other undivided attention. Our conversation was good and went way over our allotted time. Just as we were getting off the phone he brings up a touchy subject, the issue of me visiting him.
Mr J asked me to visit him in Jacksonville, where he lives, this weekend. I strongly felt that I did not know him well enough and that it was too soon to be flying halfway across the country to go meet up with him. Now I have flown across the country and the world before to meet total strangers, with proper precautions in place. Nothing bad per se has ever happened. However if you have a bad date in your home town you can always leave the restaurant and event and go straight home. When you are in another city you have to think about things like change of flight fees and getting to the airport. You are more likely to give a person a chance to redeem themselves.
He then told me he would be in Philly for business for the next two weekends after that. He asked me to join him there. If I went he would pay for my way there and my hotel room. While excited about the prospect of seeing him my first instinct was to say "no." There were many cons: I haven't known him for very long; I did not know him very well; I didn't want to appear desperate or easy; and the guy is supposed to come to the girl. So we had a long talk about it yesterday. He could sense that I was reluctant and wanted to figure out why. He wanted to figure out if there was anything he could do to relieve any of my worries or fears. He just wanted to have a second date with me and he was trying to find a way to make that happen. He works a lot on weekends in different cities. So the next time he would be able to come to Boston would possibly be four weeks from now. He talked about "the dating rules" that are unstated but everyone knows (well sort of) ex. rule 131: the guy should always go to the girl. He said that we could either choose to live by the traditional rules or we could make our own rules up as we go along. He pointed out that being in a long distance relationship we have some unique challenges that we will have to find solutions for. He concluded the conversation by saying that he would never want me to do anything that would make me feel uncomfortable and that if I needed him to visit me again in order to do that or if I needed more time he was willing to comply.
After talking to him I feel pretty confident that we can set pretty clear expectations of what will or will not happen. I will have my own room and I can always hop on a plane back home or hang out with my friends in the area. I am seriously considering going to Philly. He also asked me to have Thanksgiving with him. We will cross that bridge when we get to it…
So what do you guys think? Should I stay or should I go? Afterall it is the city of brotherly love.

Why I say hello to the homeless

I moved from Georgia to Boston. In Georgia everyone talks to strangers, everyone says “hello.” In Boston no one talks to anyone except the old homeless guys on the street. It is sad to say that they actually friendlier than most of my professors. LOL! Every morning I pass a few homeless guys on my way to school. If they talk to me, as long as they are respectful, I always respond. The conversation usually goes like this:

Homeless Old Guy: How are you doing today
Me: Fine
Homeless Old Guy: That’s right you sho’ is fine! (chuckle)
Me: (chuckle chuckle as I keep walking to school)

I know some of my friends think I am weird for talking to them. However, the way I feel is that it is pretty bad to lose your home, it is probably worse to lose your family but I think the worse thing that we can lose is our humanity. All day long people walk by homeless people on the street. They don’t make eye contact. They don’t speak to them. People essentially act like the homeless guys on the street are invisible, like they don’t even exist. You never know when something like a smile or a simple “hello” will brighten someone’s day. I am reminded of this verse:

Matthew 25:40
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Next time you see someone homeless give them a smile, an encouraging word, a sandwich or a dollar. You never know when your small showing of love will make a difference in someone’s life.

Becoming the man I always wanted

I just bought myself the most lovely flowers the other day, gorgeous lilies with some purple filler and perfectly arranged greenery. Looking at my flowers makes me happy.
Once upon a time I believed in fairytales. I believed in knights in shining armor and princes on white horses. I believed that by age 23 surely this knight would have come and swept me off my feet. I thought I would never have to do certain things like fix a tire, mow the lawn, invest money, visit a romantic destination alone or buy myself flowers or a diamond ring. Then reality happened. I realized that I had to become a self-sufficient, independent, throw-your-hands-up-at me, kind of woman. I bought books on investing, listened to shows. I know how to change a flat and I am learning about the different parts of my car. I can mow a lawn. I have been on a solo vacation and enjoy spoiling myself with special presents like flowers and jewelry. I am glad that I have. I have heard of too many middle-aged/elderly women who lose their husbands and then don't know how to take care of themselves because someone else was always doing things for them. These are women who don't even know which side there gas tank is on. Now I am not saying that there were not many snowy or rainy days when I wished I had the kind of man that would keep my tank filled because I certainly have. However, I do take comfort in knowing that if anything were to ever happen to my (future) husband, he would not have to worry about my ability to hold down the fort.
Also, I figure that if I treat myself well then when I finally meet my dear husband he will have to step up to the plate to keep me in the lifestyle I have become accustomed to. In the meantime I will continue to be good to myself. I will continue to buy myself flowers when I am having a bad day. I will continue to be the man that I always wanted until he comes along and assumes the role.
What was the last nice thing you did for yourself? Is there anything that you would like to do but you are waiting for a man to do it with/for you?

I got run over by a bicycle

On Saturday night the girls and I got together at my friend K’s apartment to watch the Red sox game. The cool thing about watching the game at her house is that she lives right next to Fenway stadium so we can actually hear the crowd cheering from the stadium. Evidently ever since the Janet Jackson “wardrobe malfunction” there is about a ten second delay between the live feed and what is broadcast. This essentially meant that we could always tell when something good was about to happen in the game because the crowd would start cheering before we saw it on tv. Too fun! K is in the process of creating this fabulous drink called the K-tini made with this liquor called St. Germaine. Soo good! As good friends of K we felt it was our duty to sample her new concoction to make sure she got it just right. Needless to say, driving home was not an option…
So after the game we all go downstairs to wait for the cab that we called. Impatient me decided that the cab company was taking too long and I was going to hail a cab. The first empty cab I saw was intercepted by these drunk giggly girls half a block down the street. With the giggle girls out of the picture I just knew I was catching the next cab. A few minutes later I see another cab coming. So I step out onto the street to hail a cab and next thing I knew WHOMP! OUCH! Oooooouch! I was in pain but didn’t know why. It turns out that this bicyclist came out of nowhere and nailed me. I got run over by a bicycle! LOL! I stumbled into the street in front of the on coming cab. Fortunately the cab saw the whole scene and stopped before he ran me over. My friend S later explained to me that the cyclist was riding in the opposite direction of traffic which is why I never looked for him. I mean who the heck looks in the opposite direction of traffic at one in the morning for stupid bicycles?! Anyway to add insult to injury, while I am still holding my knee and groaning in pain these stupid drunk boys TRIED TO STEAL MY CAB! Unbelievable! After I had just gotten hit trying to hail it. I DON’T THINK SO! Or as my brother used to say when he was young, ‘H-E, double hockey stick’ NO. I yelled, “you have got to be kidding me!” and stumbled over to the cab, pushed them out of the way and got in. Do you know these foolio’s had the nerve to ask me to call them a cab. After they just tried to steal my cab that I got hit by a bicycle trying to hail, they wanted me to call them a cab! They were total strangers. Unbelievable! I just busted out laughing in disbelief. BWAAAAH! RFOL!
I was worried that the next day, after the anesthetic effects of the alcohol had worn off, I would be really sore but I was ok. So no permanent damage. Thank God.

Here is a story about someone who wasn't so lucky:

http://au.news.yahoo.com/060829/23/10bsx.html (bicycle kills pedestrian)

Have you ever been in any stupid or whacky accidents?

A loved one lost: A cautionary tale

This morning I am heartbroken. This morning my step dad in South Africa called. We are not close but we certainly have a good working relationship. He is looking for my dad, who is also in South Africa. He hasn’t been able to get in touch with him (typical) and wanted to know if he is out of the country. He then proceeds to talk to me about his life since we last spoke…he has been in the hospital…high blood pressure…new job contract…blah blah blah. I tell him to exercise and eat right…blah blah blah. Just as we are about to get off the phone after a pleasant conversation he drops a bomb on me. “Did you hear that L died?” I was stunned. L was (I can’t believe I am using past tense) she was my cousin who I grew up with in Swaziland. She was younger than me but older than my brother so she must have been in her mid twenties. A thousand things are running through my mind: I can’t believe it! How? What? When? Why? Did she ever make up with her mom?
She died in March of this year. No one told me. She was afflicted by the same disease that affects 1 in 3 people in the small country of Swaziland. She died of AIDS. Most likely through heterosexual sex. No one knew she had it until two weeks before she died. There are many tragic things about this story:
1. In the United States AIDS has become more of chronic disease where people live for years and years with the virus if it is detected early enough. It does not have to be a death sentence.
2. My father successfully treats patients with AIDS in South Africa. If we had known he very easily could have treated her. It would have been his pleasure to do so.
3. There are so many resources available but she just did not have access to them
4. She was so young and full of potential. Now she is just another victim of a tragic epidemic.
I can’t imagine how I would feel if one bad decision made in my twenties led to a death sentence. It is really only by the grace of God that I live. The last time I saw my cousin, about two years ago, she was not talking to her mother. I urged her to reconcile with her mother. After losing my own mother I realized the importance of not holding grudges, forgiveness and appreciating each day that we are given with the ones we love. Tomorrow might never come. After hearing about cousin L, I really hoped that she had resolved things with her mom before she passed. It is always hard to lose a loved one but even harder when there are issues left unresolved. I called my auntie hoping that my stepfather had somehow misunderstood, that it was all some horrible mistake. It wasn’t. Cousin L really died. She is really dead. Wow. Just writing those words brings tears to my eyes. I was happy to learn that before she died she had reunited with her mother. Her mother had forgiven her over a year before her death and then reiterated her forgiveness on her death bed. Hearing her mother tell her for the last time that she loved her and forgave her, gave her the peace that she needed and she died almost immediately afterwards.
It is so hard to be away from family. Whereas they had a funeral and each other to comfort themselves during a hard time, I have to process this information alone. I have no funeral or gravestone where I can go to mourn and pay my respects. Instead I have to find a way to mourn for myself, by myself without the support of family who are feeling the same loss. What do I do with my tears? This is hard.
There are many things that we can learn from cousin L. I wish I could have shared these things with her but maybe this can benefit someone else:
1. AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are for real.
2. Please please please protect yourself. I know too many people who are too ready to discard the condoms because “she is a nice girl” or “we are in a committed relationship”. PULEEEEZ. So even though all day every day you see MARRIED men and women cheating on each other, people who have committed before their friends, families and God to be faithful, you think your little BOYFRIEND won’t cheat. Why? Because he loves you? Come on now. I am not saying that everyone out there is cheating but everyone out there can cheat and you owe it to yourself to protect yourself at least until he puts a ring on your finger and walks you down the aisle. If I thought it would make a difference I would start preaching the value of abstaining but it probably won’t, so I won’t even go there. Just remember my cousin who lost her life over some b.s. It doesn’t even have to be AIDS. Herpes lasts a lifetime and HPV can cause cancer, chlamydia is associated with infertility, syphilis can reek have in your body for decades.
3. Get yourself tested. It is really scary to do it. Even when you think there is no way you could have it. Trust me, I have been there. However, it is so much better to know sooner rather than later. Many STD’s can be treated. Many people with HIV have productive lives, get married, and even have children. There are so many drugs out there that will only be effective if taken before the point of no return. There are anonymous testing centers all over the place. Many people will have no symptoms of STD’s and not even realize they have a disease until it is has already done damage. Make an appointment today. Make sure to ask for the common tests ie gonorrhea, chlamydia as well as the less commonly offered tests like hepatitis B, HIV, syphillis. Herpes is usually diagnosed clinically but there are blood tests available if you are particularly concerned.
4. If you are positive get help there are so many resources out there.
5. Get your partner tested for all STD’s and ask for proof. One thing I have learned is that there are many men who will lie to get into some panties. Don’t just ask if a guy/girl has gotten tested. Ask for documentation. And remember that it can take up to six months for an AIDS test to become positive.
6. If you have any squabbles or grudges with any of your family members or friends please reconcile, forgive and love. No one knows how long we have on earth.
7. Take time to show and tell all the people that you love that they are special to you.
Please don’t let cousin L’s death be in vain.
Thanks for taking time out to read this. Be blessed.
Lady Tee

Wine review: a good riesling

Varietal: Riesling
Year: 2004
Brand: Wwe.Dr.Thanisch
Country: Germany
Price: less than $20
Grade: A

This wine is soo delightful! It is a sweet wine with a full fruit flavor of apricots, peaches with a nice finish. It goes well with desserts. The label says it also goes with poultry, seafood and light meat. It might be a little too sweet for that but I guess it depends on your tastes. The bottle was a present from my friend Voce who used to work at a wine store. THANK YOU voce. I love love love it!
You can purchase it online at the following websites:
http://www.blogger.com/'http://www.garnetwine.com/sku001689.html ($14.99)
or
http://www.winechateau.com/vsku1248947.html ($17.99)

Did you just call my man?!

I have a really good friend who I have known for almost ten years now. He is one of the few people that I know I can call when life is going to hell in a hand basket and he will know all the right things to say. We were roommates for over a year and I know him very well. He is such a sweet and good guy and would never do anyone any harm and he would never cheat on anyone. I know that you are never supposed to say never but he really just isn’t that type. He is not impressed by looks or money and he has turned down lots of sex in his day.
The sad part is that he is now dating this super psycho…um…I mean insecure chick. She is one of these chicks that believes that every man cheats so you have to monitor his every move, every second of the day. Now he has told me about some of her psychotic tendencies in the past and I felt bad that he had to be in that type of relationship but he chose it for himself. Now I was ok with his choice of girlfriend that is… until it affected me. Sigh. So I call this dude to boo hoo about some bad news I received. I called him at 11:00am, a respectable hour. He didn’t pick up the phone. Next thing I know I am getting this “did someone from this number call my man?” Oh boy! I am already in an emotionally fragile state so I am not the one you want to be having this conversation with. If you are having issues with your man you need to talk to him about it not me! I managed to remain cordial and quickly got off the phone with her. Geevus! He calls me back a few minutes later. Our conversation seems a bit awkward and clumsy. He is not his usually happy-go-luck self. I know something is up. I ask if I am on speaker phone, he says no. I ask if his chick is hovering above him. Ding! Bullseye! I ask him to call me when he is alone. Just in case you are wondering I am not the girl who calls at all hours of the night. I am not the girl that calls frequently, maybe once every other month. I have never met psycho chick because they live in a part of the country that I have no desire to ever visit. I also haven’t seen my friends in about 5 years so the probability of us having some torrid affair is…zero.
My public service announcement for the day: Ladies if you feel like you can’t trust your boyfriend then maybe you don’t need to be with him! Constantly hurling accusations at him, monitoring his every move, rifling through his garbage, calling back phone numbers and stalking him…all of that is CRAZY behavior. Now I am not saying there is not a proper place and time for some good private eye investigation. There might be a time when your man is exhibiting some shady behavior and you just want to know for sure if what you suspect is true then make yourself happy. Personally, I feel like if I have to resort to stalking you I don’t need to be with you. Period. On the other hand, if you have a man who comes home straight from work, is not out in the street at all hours of the night and is always open and accessible to you, please don’t mess that up by letting your issues from the past loser cruisers you have dealt with mess up a potentially good relationship with a good man. Give the man a break! If you keep accusing him and looking for him to cheat, you might just drive him to it. Be careful what you wish for. Also, if you see my name on your man’s caller id, don’t call me back. If you do I will try my best to be nice to you but if you catch me on the wrong day I might have to tell you about your self and how I was there before you, will be there after you, how his momma don’t really like you and how you need to find your self a good therapist cuz you’re crazy, psycho, insecure. Consider this a public service announcement. Ding! You are free to move about the country.

Have you ever acted crazy because of a man/woman? What did you do? Would you do it again?

quote of the day: delicious ambiguity

I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.

Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989

The Heart break of "Heartbreak Kid"

Grade: C
I went to see the movie "Heartbreak Kid" with Ben Stiller yesterday. It was supposed to be a light, entertaining romantic comedy, instead it made me want to vomit. Real life doesn't always happen the way we want it to, good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. However, the movies are the one place where we can look for happy endings. The good guy gets the girl and the bad guy gets his due. This is not the case in this movie. The basic premise of the movie is that Ben Stiller is this guy who will never commit. After going to his ex-girlfriend's wedding he realizes that maybe he should have committed to her. So he marries the next girl who comes along after knowing her for six weeks. Needless to say there were a lot of things that he did not realize about her. Granted she is a bit kooky but the girl really was not that bad. So what does he do? He starts cheating on her during their HONEYMOON. How slimy is that?! That is a total loser-cruiser move! I am mad just thinking about it! His wife is in their room trying to recover from a really bad sunburn and he is chasing after some other chick. If I was in charge I would have his character hung and skinned. As you can tell, I have no tolerance for liars and cheaters. In the movie his character has much better luck. I feel like the movie almost condones his behavior. The message it sends out is that it is ok to cheat if you feel like you married the wrong person. Now I have never been married but I am sure there comes a time in every marriage where you question whether or not you married the right person. If your solution is to start chasing after some other chick/dude, you will be in big trouble.
About half-way through the movie I was seriously debating on if I should leave the movie theater but I had the same feeling I have when I drive by a bad accident (ie. I know I shouldn't look but I do anyway). So I stayed until the end. Initially I was feeling like I had totally wasted 2 hours of my life until it dawned on me. There was something that I could learn from this movie. I recently met this guy who I am quite fond of. He invited me to come and visit him in Jacksonville, Florida but I declined because I thought that it was too soon. We are currently in that 'getting to know you better' stage. In my head I was secretly wishing that we could accelerate our relationship to the 'boyfriend-girlfriend' stage. I really like having a (great) boyfriend. The one thing that the movie taught me is that "you can't hurry love." When you try to move too quickly in a relationship you will most likely crash and burn. I have a bad habit of meeting guys with the right 'bio-data' who I get along well with and then thinking that they are "the one." I have promised myself that I am not going to do this anymore and the real "one" will have to bash me over the head with two carats before I assume he is the one. In the meantime I will be living life to the fullest and enjoying the friendships I make along the way.



Have you seen the movie? What did you think? Have you ever moved too quickly in a relationship?

Key:
A- a must see. drop everything run and see it now
B- a decent effort, nothing will be lost if you wait for the video
C-Only watch it if you are into self torture, mutilation or other such hobbies

my secret habit

I started off reading my friend's blogs and commenting. Then I started reading strangers blogs. Then I started blogging on myspace but that still wasn't enough. I needed my own blog page and so here I am.